The other day I was on the 101.

I was sitting on it like it was a parking lot. It literally was not moving at all.

I’m talking for 10 minutes, I’m not moving. Then all of a sudden, it’s like somebody waved the checkered flag.

And all of a sudden I was going 80 miles per hour, and there were no cars around me anymore.

I don’t understand traffic.

How can we go from literally going zero miles an hour to 80 in a matter of seconds?

I looked around.

I looked for the man with the checkered flag and I couldn’t find him anywhere. I looked all over the place, then I started thinking, maybe there’s a girl in a bikini.

And maybe that had everybody stopped and wanted to look and there was none of that.

There was no fender bender.

No cop who pulled anybody over.

Nothing to rubberneck and look at.

Everything was pretty normal. So that’s why I started looking for the little man with the checkered flag.

It makes no sense.

How can you go from being in a complete traffic standstill to all of a sudden going 75 to 80 miles an hour?

Somebody’s got to explain this to me. I Googled it and can’t really come up with an answer. They say that there was an accident at one point that might have slowed traffic down… but then again why does traffic all of a sudden just start to go super fast at a moment.

I’m telling, you there are aliens out there that wave checkered flags and that’s what happens. I’m telling you, I’ve figured it out.

I figured out traffic. Either that, or there’s just some girl in a bikini that’s just standing there and then by the time I get there, she becomes invisible.

No, wait, the invisible bikini girl. That’s it. That could be the reason for traffic.

Or is it really just the fact that we’re all so consumed by our iPhones and swiping apps that it’s starting to impact traffic?

What are your thoughts? What’s the worst traffic you’ve ever been in? And can somebody explain to me how you can go from frozen in traffic to 80 mph in just a matter of seconds?

I honestly don’t know how this makes sense. But I kind of hope it’s the invisible bikini girl or the aliens. Because that would be a better statement about where we’ve gone as a society.

And that’s kind of the point.