Now about that term, “white people problems,” I’m not racist at all.
It’s just a funny old term for anybody. They could be black. They could be white. They could be yellow. They could be purple.
Anybody who is successful, has money, and lives in today’s world has what we call white people problems.
You probably heard that term from Louis CK (back before he was in the pile of shit he’s in right now):
For instance, ordering something on Amazon and they promise it to you by 9:00 at night.
And you think about it, and you actually look at the clock and see that it’s a little after 9:00. And your brain just triggers and thinks to itself, you know? I think I’m going to go check and see where it is, because I really want that thing. Whatever that thing is.
And then you get online and you log into your account, and see that it’s not there. Because they literally tell you it’s not there, if you’ve ever used Amazon.
It’s not there. It’s somewhere else. It’s still in transit. No one knows where transit is. It could be driving around the neighborhood three or four times.
It could be hanging out in some airport.
It could just be kind of down some god knows what terminal.
It’s in transit.
And you get upset. You also want to call Amazon right away and complain because god forbid your thing is not here right now.
And that’s what we call white people problems.
There are people out there in this world who are starving to death.
They are picking garbage.
I remember when I went to Sabu, and there’s a place in Sabu called Garbage City. Garbage City is this little place where everybody goes to pick garbage and live there under the garbage, and eat the garbage. But we’re upset because the Uber didn’t have air conditioning on the way to Trash City.
White people problems.
And we become more and more spoiled with overnight, Amazon, dating, swiping.
Oh my god I can’t believe nobody liked me today in swipe land!
We get upset. We complain. If anything bothers us, we just Google it immediately, and we just read an article to become even more and more neurotic.
So the next time your package doesn’t come by Amazon, you can think about it this way. Because with a thing like Amazon we don’t have to drive around in our cars anymore going from store to store and looking for it.
Remember that? Before we even had Google, we actually were Google.
We got into a car, and if we needed to go shopping for something we couldn’t Google it on the computer.
We would steer our car into the right direction. We were like human and car Google.
But now all we’ve got to do is put in jeans in Google, and then it takes me to eBay and I can bet on a pair.
And then Amazon can deliver them via Prime or something else, or the postal service can deliver them today or overnight.
We have become spoiled brats.
So, next time something doesn’t come by Amazon, just think of the other problems people have in the world.
Think about what is going on in other people’s world, and their existence, and then maybe take a minute and actually give a dollar to one of those little Sally Struthers kids.
And for those of you who don’t know Sally Struthers is, she used to do these things for children.
Google it. That’s what it’s there for, after all.
Anyway, white people problems. They’re rough, huh?