May I ask you a question right now?

Are you into hiking or surfing?

How about doing pottery in the nude?

Taking long walks on the beach?

Drinking wine with every meal?

When it comes to online dating, I always feel like people are forcing intimacy.

Does Intimacy Mean Having the Same Interests?

forcing intimacyRecently, on an online dating site, some woman asked me if I hike or surf.

No, I don’t really hike or surf.

You see, I don’t really like to walk around in the blazing hot sun and to me, hiking is a road trip to nowhere. You’re literally getting nowhere and then you have to turn around and go through the same stuff all over again.

But I’m sure that was something that was interesting to her and I conveyed that to her with the following text:

I’m sure that you have romantic dreams and notions of meeting somebody that you can hike and surf around the world with. I get that. 🙂

To me that’s forced intimacy.

You have your passions; things you love to do.

Me, I like walking around city streets and checking out architecture; I can do that all day long. To tell you the truth, I don’t really care if I get you to like that or not because I do that enough on my own so if you don’t want to do it, I’m still going to do it on my own.

Having Your Own Hobbies is a Good Thing

Maybe the woman I’m dating wants to go to a museum and I just want to walk around and check out shops and talk to people and get some food and look at architecture and do things that I like.

So, she can go to the museum. I can do my walking around.

We can meet later in the day.

And we can share with each other how we enjoyed our day.

But so many people want to be joined at the hip.

I don’t ski. To be on two sticks sliding down solid ice and snow, it’s a very dangerous feat.

But it doesn’t mean I won’t go on a ski vacation.

She can ski all day long, snowboard, do all the things that she wants and I’ll stay in the nice warm lounge and sit by the fireplace and talk to people and shoot the shit, eat good food and hang out.

I don’t think I like wine. Well I don’t, but it doesn’t mean she can’t have a glass of wine when we go out to dinner.

I don’t think a woman would write that they love wine on their online dating profile, but you get the point.

Stop trying to force intimacy and trying to find somebody who is exactly like you. We’re all going to have different things we enjoy doing, things that make us happy. Some of like to swim, some of us like to sit under a coconut tree.

Some of us like to eat gluten, some don’t.

Some of us are gym people, while others like to go to a yoga class. It’s not about doing everything together; you don’t need that. You need to be able to do things on your own, to enjoy the company of yourself and then share the beautiful moments with somebody.

So stop trying to force intimacy. The next time you meet somebody online and you tell them that if he doesn’t hike or surf, that’s okay. He’ll sit underneath the coconut tree; you can go surfing and he’ll come greet you afterwards with a towel, and maybe a mojito if you like alcohol.

That’s it. Anybody want to go surfing or hiking, don’t call me.