Online DateA friend of mine emailed me today, and told me she’d been out to lunch with her friend. This friend had apparently been telling her the “rules of online dating” from her point of view. This “friend” claimed women should sleep with every online date they go on as quickly as possible. Why? Because that way you won’t lose the guy to another woman. 


That’s insane.

Here’s the reason why from a man’s point of view. You see, “Joe Schmoe” you just decided to spread your legs for after your date at Starbucks, would have been over the moon with just the date. You see, you were the only date he’s had in nearly two months. Women have all the power online. There is something like four men for every woman online. The odds are very much in your favor ladies.

Every night, men are cutting and pasting, and writing emails to ton of women, hoping one of them will respond. The majority of women men contact online never answer them. A ton of women I’ve spoken to about online dating say they like the men to chase. If you follow me you already know I think that’s a huge mistake, because that way you only hear from the men who choose you, rather than the men you select. 

So this stud of a man you met online and decided you needed to have sex with, he’d only been on one date in the last couple of months. The women you’re trying to keep him from running off to don’t exist. You’re not competing with anyone. In fact, there’s never a time you should use sex to close a guy. Let him get to know you first. If you give men sex on the first date, especially when you meet online, you’re just fueling his fantasy and giving him a false impression of you.

That’s right. He wants to meet a woman online and have sex quickly. He can’t believe his luck. This is so great for him. He never gets laid like this when he goes out and meets women in bars. He never gets sex this quickly when he’s asked a woman out in Whole Foods. Yet, online, wow, he had sex on his first date. Guess what this is going to make him do whether he likes you or not?

He’s going to get back online and see if he can make it happen again. You’ve fueled the fantasy. You’ve made him believe it’s possible. He’s going to assume women who meet men online are easy. “Man if I slept with her, I can find someone even hotter than her.”

He’ll also assume you’re not looking for anything serious, as surely you wouldn’t have slept with him so quickly if you were. It might seem counter intuitive but that’s the way men think, and that’s why this friend who was trying to give dating advice was so wrong.

You don’t need to have sex with men you meet online on your first date. You flirt with him. You get to know him. You give him the challenge he needs, and he’s going to start to like you. The guy is going to become intrigued by you. You don’t want to ignite some fantasy in his mind about how easy it is to get sex online. He’ll think its point, click, sex, and that’s not what you want. Dating online is no different to dating offline. Never use sex to close a man.