Isn’t it wonderful when you get angry and triggered?

Such a great feeling.

Somebody said something to you, immediately you feel triggered. They put you on the defensive.

Immediately you want to react.

So what happens next? If you’re like most people, words just start flying out of your mouth.


You react and you say something back because you’re reacting to something that this person said to you.

And then the other person reacts as well.

What goes on from there is usually some dramatic fight or argument, and not only that, but it’s one that could’ve easily been avoided.

And maybe it has the potential to affect the rest of your relationship with that person. Maybe that chain reaction ends the relationship right then and there.

And it didn’t have to be that way. So right now, I’m going to challenge you to try something a little different.

I want you not to react, but instead to take a moment and actually formulate a response.

Respond, Don’t React

Actually think about what you’re going to say before you say it. Give it some thought.

It’s never been written in stone that you have to say something back immediately. Especially nowadays, when so much communication goes on through texting, you actually have a real opportunity not to react immediately.

Allow yourself to respond to what somebody says.

Take some time to answer. Think about the answer. Think about what you truly want to say, because usually when you react, you go into a defense mode.

And you might say something that you’ll never be able to take back.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not perfect at this. I’ve learned that, if somebody texts me something or writes me an e-mail, I used to be the guy that would literally start hammering my fingers on the screen, literally reacting to what they said.

Oh, I’d want to get into it. There’s no way in the world I would let them get away with what they just did or what they just said.

But when you do that, you’re actually playing into the drama that the person is actually giving you or desiring from you.

So I’ve learned not to react. There are times when somebody will trigger me and I will literally react and I will type out the text.

I will write the e-mail.

I’ll get really angry.

And I won’t send it. And I’ll literally feel my body starting to calm down, starting to feel much better.

I’ll then take a few moments, minutes, an hour, whatever it might be, and I’ll start to think about what I really want to do and how I want to say it and how I want to respond.

And then when I’m ready, I’ll actually respond to that person, very meticulously, very carefully and very well thought out.

I find when the person responds back to me, whatever conflict that would’ve been there is gone. It’s over. It’s been avoided.

That’s what I call responding over reacting.

And if you think about it, when you react you actually are overreacting.

There’s no law that says you need to react right away, even if somebody confronts you and is really hostile.

You can always take a time out and literally stop your thought mid-sentence.

Who cares if you look like an idiot, literally stopping and freezing in mid-sentence.

I’d rather look like an idiot for two minutes than completely ruin a good relationship, a good partnership or friendship or whatever it might by.

So, stop and really think about what you want to say before you say it.

And formulate a clean, amazing reaction.

It’s a good way to live. Practice it and you’ll find you’ll have less conflict and you’ll have some solution.