Some of you think the zombie apocalypse is coming.

There are so many zombie movies that are out there, but I’m going to tell you what the real zombie apocalypse is.

It’s the modern-dating epidemic.

And I truly believe that if I’m going to go out with somebody, and I think to myself: Is this person a fucking zombie or what?

Like zombies, we fixate on one thing.

The next best thing, as human-dating zombies do.

Real zombies just fixate on any human being that’s in their territory. For one reason or another, zombies eat humans, so if they smell a human, they want a human.

But in this modern-dating apocalypse that’s going on now, we tend to dismiss any human being that’s in our existence, in our consciousness.

On Tinder, on Bumble, and on online dating, we’re literally searching out other zombies. We believe that there’s a perfect zombie for all of us.

So we don’t even give anybody a chance any more. As a matter of fact, not only do we not give people a chance, our behavior is just equally as bad. We treat other people like they’re dead, like they’re zombies. We come up with terms like benching or ghosting.

Do you know what benching is?

Benching is when you put somebody on the bench.


You literally put somebody on a bench, and you put them on there because, well, if the other zombies don’t work out, then guess what happens? You have the opportunity to maybe go out with them, so they’re on the bench. They’re a reserve.

You’re not ultra excited about them, but you stick them around and text them and keep them around, hanging around just in case it doesn’t work out with choices one through four.

We all know what ghosting is. Ghosting is ignoring somebody after you’ve gone out with them and giving them no explanation. It’s something that drives women absolutely crazy.

Because women are absolutely in need of an explanation, an answer, of why they got ghosted, why the person is no longer going to talk to them, communicate with them, be with them, whatever it might be.

So really, we have just really turned into a bunch of zombies. We’ve lost all track of the fact that they’re human beings. They have feelings. We treat people like zombies. We move through people like they’re zombies. We don’t give people an opportunity like they’re zombies.

And that’s where it gets really sad, because one of these zombies might actually be a good match for you. Except, you believe that the zombies that you find on Match, Tinder and Bumble are better zombies for you.

We’ve never done this in the history of dating, but we treat people the way that we treat them and it’s become socially acceptable to bench, to ghost, to treat people like zombies.

So instead of waiting for the next zombie apocalypse, you’re already living it in your own personal dating life. Welcome to the world of modern dating as you know it.