I recently got a great e-mail from a wonderful woman named Robin.

The e-mail was short and to the point, and I needed to share it with you very quickly today.

Here it is:

Dear Dave,

I don’t a mind a kiss on the first date, but it shouldn’t be a hard passionate kiss. I’m older, so I’m not inexperienced… but my last date.

He pressed his lips so hard on me, and hugged me so tight with his tongue down my throat, I felt like I was in a vice grip.

Please tell me this wasn’t appropriate.

I just pushed him away. I think he could have done better. What do you think? Please help.

P.S. Met him online, and said he was looking for a serious relationship.

Robin, and every other woman reading this right now, you’ve basically ran into Captain Cave Man, better known as the ape from the county zoo.

His ape-like behavior definitely shows that, at this stage in his life, he doesn’t understand what romance is to a woman.

This ape-like man belongs in a zoo, not in your home.

So to me, I would embrace it, I’d be happy that this ape decided to show himself on date number one. I’d be happy that you never, ever let this ape man into your house.

But most importantly…

You met him online and he said he’s looking for a serious relationship. So what? People say things, but their actions are different. From the sounds of it, he looked like he was looking to eat you that night.

No pun intended.

So for anyone reading this, here’s the moral or the story: actions speak louder than words. And when you go out on a date, if the actions don’t match the words, and you don’t feel comfortable, just be glad he exposed himself on date #1.

Then send him back to the county zoo.