Dear David – I Just Don’t Understand Women!

March 4, 2014 19 Comments Men Relationship Advice, Uncategorized

Dear David WygantIt’s Dear David time again!

And today we have an email from Josh who “just doesn’t understand women!”

I feel kind of sorry for Josh because he’s obviously hung up on this woman, and he’s about to learn a harsh lesson about game players and dating. Here’s his email to me, followed by my response, and of course feel free to throw in your two cents in the comments below!

“Dear David,

I just don’t understand women. Well, this one woman in particular. We started “dating” about a month ago. Things have been going OK. We get on well. We have a laugh, and the sex is good. The thing is I just feel like she’s leading me on.

There are days where I’ll text her in the morning and won’t get anything back until the evening. One day last week I didn’t hear from her all day, and her phone kept going to voicemail. The next day she said she’d fallen asleep.

We were meant to be going out at the weekend but she said she was ill and couldn’t come out, but later that night there were photos of her at a friend’s house having drinks. The worst thing happened earlier this week. I rang her house and her friend picked up. When I asked to talk to my girlfriend, I clearly heard her whispering in the background that she wasn’t in.

I went round and confronted her about it, and when I said if she carried on messing around I was going to end it, she begged me to stay, told me she loved me and then we had sex. What is going on? Is she playing games with me? Should I leave her? Are all women this hard to understand?”

David says…

Josh my friend. You’re not the first guy who doesn’t understand women, and you will definitely not be the last, HOWEVER, in my opinion there’s nothing confusing about what’s happening here.

You’re “dating” a woman who plays dating games. OK, when she didn’t return your calls, maybe she did fall asleep. But saying she was ill and then going out with friends, and then pretending she wasn’t in when she was?

If you’re 100% sure you heard correctly and it was her saying she wasn’t at home, then there’s only one thing you need to do. Get rid of her!

I don’t care how much you think you love her. I don’t care how good-looking she is. And I don’t care how much amazing sex you have. You see, Josh if you stay with a woman like this it’s only ever going to end up one way. She’s going to string you along forever, and probably see other men at the same time but you’ll put up with it. Or you’re going to fail miserably trying to get her to calm down and play by the rules.

Some women play games, the same way as some men play games. It sounds like this girl is totally immature and not ready for an adult relationship. Don’t let women mess you around Josh. Stand your ground and be strong. You’re a man. You deserve better. You’re reading David Wygant’s advice here, and David Wygant coaches guys to be strong, confident, magnetic, and dynamic men who demand the best for themselves.

Don’t let a woman turn you into a passive little man-boy. It’s never worth it. If you don’t have a copy of my “Own The Room” program I strongly suggest you give it a look. It’s all about becoming a strong, confident communicator, and the kind of man who commands authority in not just your personal relationships, but business relationships too!

And don’t worry. Sure, it can seem hard to understand women sometimes, but really men and women want exactly the same thing. We all want love and connection. That said, women (in general) do have some very common interests, which you can check out in this light-hearted video below!

Good luck my man!

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Tracy says

2014-08-29 20:39:52

Oh my ... you guys are digging for no reason. Or maybe I am just simply a nice woman of a certain age. You are thinking too much. Go with your first instinct (gut feeling), seriously, if its too tough, she may not be worth it. I make it a practice to simply say what is on my mind to any gentlman. If they appreciate it ,they stay, if they don't , they run. That plus that equals ....he just isn't the man for me. I refuse to figure any man out, further more, I won't try to figure out women. I don't have time for bullcrap and I will not make time for it. I am a woman of a certain age and I just don't have the time for it anymore. Tes
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Technoboy says

2014-03-09 07:05:52

Steve, Friends don't make out with each other - you are NOT in the friend zone my friend. Maybe the 'i really wanted to kiss you but i was nervous' part turned things around for you - that was an honest and ballsy thing to say! Looks like she thinks you are a good kisser too. As for the message about the other guy: i don't think it is relevant whether or not she is telling the truth because she sounds untrustworthy to me either way. either way she sounds like she just wants to get a rise out of you, and if she is telling the truth that means she is a flake - remember: she said the other guy has no interest anymore because she flaked. Also - as a matter of principle, and to keep myself sane, I generally assume people are innocent until they are proven guilty. If I have suspicions though I might get clever set people up so that I CAN prove they are lying to me - but until I do they are innocent. For example one girl I knew had come down with the too busy disease, but i did not know whether she was too busy or too disinterested because her schedule really was unusually packed. So I came up with a way we could meet up without using any of her spare time. She then gave some ridiculous explanations for why that would not work, so that's when I proved she was dishonest, had my 'fuck her' moment, and moved on.
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Technoboy says

2014-03-09 06:28:43

I don't get women. And I don't understand them either. The part that surprised me is this: "when I said if she carried on messing around I was going to end it, she begged me to stay, told me she loved me and then we had sex." I thought she was just giving Justin the 'office space treatment' - she met someone or Justin freaked her out, but instead of telling him she has no more interest in her, she just gets dodgy and evasive and chickenshit like women do. That was my read based on her actions. But instead, it looks like she just wants power over Justin more than she wants Justin.  
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Yureon says

2014-03-06 23:22:56

I am seeking a man, not another little boy. I am done with guys that play games, I am seeking someone real. I am seeking a friend to start, and then maybe it can turn into something more. Send pictures and/or stats to tara27e at y who.But it's men that play the games right.I sent her a message saying hey bitch, and got an automated reply saying hey sexy, are you from here? I hope so.Check me out on my cam site, it's free to join see you there!Yeah....
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Yureon says

2014-03-06 23:10:40

Well apparently she claims she is "worth the adventure" so go for it haha.  
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Love and be loved says

2014-03-06 16:01:56

Do you know what REALLY turn women on? All right, I'll tell you... Guys who know the difference between you're and your.   Come on, get some education! You don't have to be at college to be able to write well-structured, cohesive and coherent texts.
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Brad says

2014-03-06 12:25:55

Hilarious ! I would get a fake ID for Jay Wilson, don a Jewish kippah and get things rolling !
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steven says

2014-03-06 01:08:33

Hey i know that this has nothing to do with the blog post but i really do have a dating question and it would be nice if you guys can help. so yea anyways i have been dating this girl for about a month and we have gone on four dates so far. but on the first date i was so nervous that i didnt even kiss her on the first date, but then on our second date i was honest with her and i told her that i really wanted to kiss her on our first date but i was to nervous to kiss her and that i wasnt going to let it happen again and then i told her that i wanted to kiss her but then for some reason she thought about it for a couple of seconds and then said okay and then we kissed, and then for some reason i can tell that she wanted more then just a simple kiss so we ended up making out and ever since then we have been kissing and making out on our third and fourth date. so my question is im i in the friend zone or not because i have heard from people saying that if you dont kiss her on the first date that she will friend zone you and if im how do i get out of the friend zone? and also my second question is at the end of our first date i asked her if she wanted to go out with me on valentines and she said that she would but that she didnt feel like hanging out on valentines and that it would be better if we hung out another day. so do you think she was using that as an excuse because she already had plans with another guy on valentines or was she being real and honest with me? and my last question is she has told me on a text message that she is talking to another guy but that he doesnt want to hangout with her because she have canceled on him once before. so do you think shes really talking to another guy or is she just testing me to get me jealous and to see how i would react?
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Yureon says

2014-03-05 23:15:16

lol off topic but just when I though women couldn't get more selective "So....fate tells me that the love of my life will be named Jay Wilson. So...In order to find you...Mr. Jay Wilson...I'm putting this ad out there. This is silly but hey...it's nyc and really.nothing can surprise you. So if your name is Jay Wilson and you are Jewish...it's time to message me. I'm 5'7" and definitely worth the adventure of writing back...If and only if your name is Jay Wilson (Id required upon meeting) and you're Jewish. Please put "I'm Jay Wilson" in the subject!
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Lancelot Lovejoy says

2014-03-05 22:54:38

No time = no priority Newer let her know you are upset about that. No big deal. Best way is to move on, and let her subliminally know you meet others.
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Claire says

2014-03-05 19:48:33

I listened to David as he was a guest at another dating coach program DVD for women and he was great, incredibly funny and charming. My impression was that he actually knew what he was talking about and knew a lot about women, so I would recommend that guys should unquestioningly follow his advice. I was so amazed and amused by his presentation that I had to check his blog for more. Here I am and this post about understanding women is the fresh one at the moment. I am slightly surprised by the style of David's reply to dear Josh because itis pretty serious and definite. I guess I expected that he would be just joking and making insightful funny interpretations of problems. Well, that's the way we women like it delivered and he knows it ;) I like when he says: "If you’re 100% sure you heard correctly and it was her saying she wasn’t at home, then there’s only one thing you need to do. Get rid of her!" and I totally agree, because decent people don't do such things as pretending they're not home to avoid somebody's call. If her manners are so bad, and on the other side, Josh is decent guy with great manners, then the two of them are not the match. With all the respect to simplicity and honesty of get-rid-of-her advice, which is probably the easiest and the most efficient thing to do, some deeper digging might help with improving understanding of such situations. It seems to me that there might be something more going on there besides pure mismatch of manners and more than simple scenario of one good naive person accidentally bumping into a mean game player. I'd like to add some suggestions for Josh and other guys in similar situations to think about on their way to understanding women. Do you believe that she would treat every guy that way, or it has a little something to do with your behavior? Is there a possibility that you were pushing too hard during the first month of dating? Have you left her some space or you are expecting that she acts as if you were in a serious committed relationship from the first date on? Is she lying to you because she simply is a liar or because of fear of your reaction to the truth? Are you comfortable with taking "no" for an answer? Would you be angry or disappointed or offended if she told you that she prefered to have a drink with her friend that night? Are you demanding, controlling or scared of her? Do you believe when she (or anyone else) says that she loves you after only a month of dating? How well have you got to know each other during that short period? What are your feelings for her? What are your intentions? How old are you and what are your plans for future? When you met her, did you think that she was the right one and had a hazy idea of marriage and such, or you just wanted to fool around and have various girlfriends for at least next ten years , and this particular woman should have been one in the row? What can you give to her from your hearth, without expecting anything in return, without trading and calculating and measuring how well you stand? When you text her, do you compose your messages in a manner that implies that she is somehow obligated to respond or there are at least some of your messages (and other gestures) which are your gifts to her? (this one is extremely important and if there is such a thing as a test for a man, it is ultimately about if he is giving anything straight from his hearth or it is always some kind of trade; perhaps you call her in the morning expecting that she gives you blowjob in return later that day?) By now, you have figured out where I am aiming at. Yes, you should get rid of her if she is a bad immature person and you are a good mature person, that is simple and true. But the very thing that you have some dilemmas about that might indicate that there are some of your own issues going on, too. For example, both of you seem to have some trouble with self esteem and personal boundaries. Maybe you could grow together, maybe even help each other? Don't let anyone mess you around, but at the same time, don't allow yourself any invading acts against someone's personal boundaries, neither frontally aggressive nor passive aggressive. It is highly likely that you'll keep attracting the same kind of women until you grow enough yourself. Relationship is closely to 50%-50% distributed in the couple, there is her part, but there is also your part of the game. The best way is to accept your part of responsibility and work through it. That will make you capable of doing better relationships and then you will find discriminating between good and bad women much easier. I hope this is helpful and not just a long lame unnecessary complication of simple things like dumping truly bad girl.
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Brad says

2014-03-05 17:07:01

I would agree with Rick L, this is probably a case of 'the sex is good but that's it'. Believe it or not, women can be like that, a lot of them actually are. One month means nothing.
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Rick L says

2014-03-05 13:41:28

"When I asked to talk to my girlfriend, I clearly heard her whispering in the background that she wasn’t in. " So I've been dating a month and she's already your girlfriend? Wow. Only a month, a ton of games, and y'all found time to be girlfriend and boyfriend. Maybe you believe sex=relationship. I'm always puzzled when people are in relationships yet know little to nothing about each other. You two sound like teenagers. You also sound like your heart is too invested in this girl after one month of sex, games, drama. Wow. I'll tell you what though, have a face to face talk with your "girlfriend." Ask her, "What exactly are we doing here. Is this a relationship or a fling? I want us to be on the same page. If it's a fling, then hey, the sex is good and I enjoy hooking up. But if it's a relationship, then we need to cut out the games and behave like grown ups." Guys, stop getting all emotional and invested the day after you meet her.  
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Mike says

2014-03-05 09:58:21

Oh the ego trip...Why just ignore her texts and her voice mails, when you know she is swinging from one relationship to another? Dump her! You deserve better and will find better! Great post, David! 
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Wayde says

2014-03-05 08:22:11

I agree with David, move on and you will find a girl with better character values.
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Matt says

2014-03-05 07:05:41

Hey josh I just got out of a similar situation.. Your just a safety net to fall back on. More than likely she has daddy issues. Don't stay with her dude. If you do it will only end one way. Eventually she will leave you for someone new and create that new safety net with someone else. And by then you will become very passive and have given all your self esteem and power to her which will be devastating for you. I've been through the same rodeo and it's not good man.  Get out while your still strong! Don't wait like I did just because I was having great sex and then you become almost addicted to them and it makes it almost impossible to walk away from a toxic relationship. My situation is similar to yours and if I could go back two years ago I would of got out while I was still strong and independent. I would cut the losses before it becomes a crippling loss. It's hard to come back from scratch when you lose everything and are broken emotionally. I know it will be hard to leave especially if u did a lot of work on yourself to get a girl your very attracted too. But being able to walk away is a powerful thing!its an attractive quality.. I was unable to do it and I regret it! And now I am paying for it! I got hurt really bad. This just happened to me too.    I would find out about her past. See if she has ever been without a bf and how long her past relationships lasted. Chances are she needs constant validation from men but sees you as a good person right now that she can fall back on "your a safety net" for her. David did a great blog a few months ago about " monkey women" meaning women who are constantly swinging from relationship to relationship. These women are constantly seeking validation and the euphoria of a new relationship. Guys do the same thing too! I have done the same advice as Bob gave and got her begging to have me back! All that did was kept me in a relationship with the wrong person who would ultimately swing to another person to use as her safety net while she looks for other men. My ex seems to be of the same breed as yours... Run!
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Matt says

2014-03-05 06:45:32

Good stuff man
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Julian says

2014-03-05 06:05:14

Everyone needs to read this post at least ten times.  
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Bob says

2014-03-05 04:53:40

HA HA,  I have had women behave entirely improperly,  like this,  and act like little spoiled,  princesses,  and entitled,  bitches,  before. I pretended  to  cater to their little BS shit test bullshit,  at first, and  then when they pull their shit, and  never showed up, call, or respond,  I ignore  their repeated texts and phone calls, and act as though  I never even missed them, or  wondered what was going on with their BS behavior.  Works every time... They be kissing my ass the next time they call!
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