I am going to let all of you learn a secret of mine that is so big, you will be shocked. Here it is: I’ve been hanging out with a driller once a week.

Now you are probably thinking right now that a driller has something to do with a weird new sexual position or kinky kind of sex. If that’s what you’re thinking, you’d be wrong.

The driller with whom I’ve been hanging once a week is my dentist. It seems that every time I go to the dentist nowadays, all she wants to do is drill me.

There is always something she wants to drill this, fill that and inject Novocaine everywhere. I think she must have been a miner in her past life.

Not only that, everyone I’ve sent to her office ends up getting drilled. I mean I know dentists make a lot of money drilling people, but so do hookers. So are dentists just big whores?

They are using some of the same tools that hookers use. Instead of a putting a condom on you when you get head, they use that spit thing to suck the saliva out of your head.

If you think about it, dentists are also like hookers because they keep everything wrapped in plastic. Sometimes they even put a bit camera in your mouth. Why don’t they put a condom on that instead of wrapping it in plastic?

Gee, I wonder why no one looks forward to going to the dentist. It’s a horrible experience.

So how does this relate to dating? You know I’m going to twist it somehow to make it relate.

It’s the end of the year, and some of you have not done enough drilling. Some of you are in inventory mode right now, thinking about the last time you had sex or the last time you had a date. Unfortunately, some of you have had a very dry 2009.

I’m not saying that to be salacious. It’s the truth.

At the end of the year, people go into inventory mode. That’s why it’s easy to have sex at Christmas parties. Some people decide that sex will be their gift for the holidays.

So you do some inventory, realize that you haven’t had enough of the opposite sex during the past year, get hammered, and then you decide this is the night you are going to break this dry spell. I’ve seen this happen over and over again.

People are a lot looser during the holidays. They haven’t gotten any all year long, and when it happens at the office Christmas party they think it must be the egg nog.

It’s not the egg nog. Women realize they haven’t had enough dick and will search one out whether it’s real or made of hard plastic. Men will happily be there to take part.

So on this Tuesday, with just a little more than two weeks to go before Christmas, what are you inventorying in your dating life? Also, what toy did you almost break in before the new year?