whats your dating personalityIn dating, some people are tortoises.

These people like to take things slow day by day, minute by minute. They don’t rconfess any feelings for a long time. You meet them and you’re not quite sure exactly what they want, yet they still show up and participate in getting to know you. The tortoise thinks about things, they’re very aware yet they don’t just jump into things.

Then there are the accelerators.

Accelerators are the people you meet and after two hours, they have their pedal to the floor, and are already going full force into this relationship. You don’t even know them, yet all they want to do is see you. They’re telling you about the things they want to do with you. You’re a little shocked, but a lot of the time, you go with it.

We want things to happen and when an accelerator comes in our lives, we tend to go with it because we think it’s a good thing. In reality, the accelerator is usually creating a story about you.

I’ll explain why in a second, but let’s go back to the tortoise. You see, the tortoise is actually processing things. They go out on a date with you. Maybe you share a kiss at the end of the date. You hang out with them. You may stay over at their house. You may not see them for a few days.

But the tortoise is thinking about things. They’re reviewing stuff in their mind. They’re looking at red flags. They’re thinking about their feelings and they’re moving at a pace that I feel is more realistic than the accelerator. Now listen, before I go back into accelerator, I want to confess. I’ve been both. I’ve been the accelerator and the tortoise, and I found whenever I am the tortoise, it works a lot better because I make clearer judgements.

See, the accelerator is releasing hormones; dopamine, oxytocin, anything that feels good. They’re happy to have met somebody that they like that they just want to go and do everything. A friend of mine recently met an accelerator.

At the end of their second date, she said, “Let’s go away for the weekend.”

The second date was on Friday night. They met each other on Wednesday. They’ve already had two dates that week and she wanted to go away to Santa Barbara or Palm Springs.

My friend is beyond a tortoise. He’s the slowest tortoise you’ve ever met in your entire life. This man will not take anything fast. He immediately backed down. But she wants to accelerate. She’s already talking about the relationship she thinks they can have, yet they’ve only spent five hours together.

I’m not telling you to beware of the accelerator, but make sure that you are keeping your dating journal. Check in and see how you feel at the end of the date? Whether you’re in an accelerator relationship or a tortoise relationship, you need to be aware of the things the person is saying and doing, so you know who you’re getting involved with.

If you’re involved with an accelerator, before you know it you’ve moved in together. You’re two months into the relationship, and you’re living together. You’ve skipped so many steps.

I’ve been in accelerator relationships and look at where I’m at right now. Right now in my life, I’m alone. Because just about every relationship I’ve ever been in, I’ve been the accelerator. I put my foot down on the pedal, I’ve skipped the warning signs and I’ve driven as fast as I could to get that relationship to the secure zone.

The problem is when you do that, you’re ignoring your gut instincts. When you’re accelerating so fast, you’re creating a story based on your needs, wants, and desires. You are projecting the outcome you’re looking for. You need to slow down. Smell the roses.

Look at the signs along the way, because those road signs are warning signs. Whenever you see a warning sign, stop accelerating, take a day or two off to think, to process, to allow your intuition to catch up with the speed that you’re going.

The tortoise always wins the race. The accelerator tends to crash and burn. Some small but important advice for you today, the slower you go the faster you get there.