It’s the 4th of July – Woohoo! By David Wygant

There’s something about holidays that bring out the worst in people. Now don’t read this and think I’m some sour, crusty old man who is a Grinch and who steals people’s pumpkins at Halloween. I need to let you know, however, that in terms of a social opportunity I think holidays are for amateurs.

Everybody gears up for three days out of the year: Halloween, New Year’s Eve and The 4th of July. The drunken women who are counting down “5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …” are the same drunken women who are going “Woo Hoo!” when the fireworks go off on The 4th of July, and they are the same drunken women who dress up in the hooker outfits for Halloween to tease all the men (and who you will see throwing up in the corner into a big plastic pumpkin!)

Holidays are a blast: hanging out with friends, barbecuing, sucking down a few beers, getting corn stuck in your teeth, and eating some low-quality hamburger meat. But searching for and thinking that a magical party on The 4th of July is going to yield you the social results that have evaded you the rest of the year is a crock of shit! The 4th of July is just one day. The expectations on holidays never equal the results.

In order to create real fireworks in your life, you need to be working on your flirting skills every day. Even if you are at the coolest party on The 4th of July, you’re still bringing your lack of social skills with you. There’s no magic pill in order to meet the opposite sex, you have to work on those skills every single day.

For those of you that hooked up on The 4th of July – Congratulations! For the rest of you, you need to realize that you better start learning how to flirt and how to meet people every single day. Otherwise, come Halloween you’re going to be the one puking into that plastic pumpkin.