IM Question BY David Wygant
Hope everyone is having an amazing weekend.
We are in the middle of a great bootcamp.
Yesterday we went to Malibu and everyone had a task at hand.
To have fun like a kid and overcome all fears of approaching women.
It was a huge success and the task was something you would have never imagined.
I will post some of it this week on you tube so stay tuned…..you will be shocked at what we did.
Today we are heading to the Santa Monica Farmers market as well as Venice beach. Till tomorrow.
Today I want to share with everyone a great question I got from someone in an email. I’m sure this kind of stuff is applicable to many of you who are talking on the internet, so let’s talk about this right now.
Client: Hi David. First of all, I’d like to take a second to kiss your ass for opening a whole new world to me. Basically, your Men’s Mastery Series and blogs are amazing, but I’m sure you already know this, so on with my question.
Last I was IMing a girl that I met through a friend and eventually started talking to through MySpace. It was the second time I have talked to her through AIM and I was planning on getting her number so I could ask her out over the phone (as you recommend.)
As we were talking about boring things, she put me in the position to compliment her. Don’t get me wrong: I love to compliment someone when it is deserved, but it was just so blatantly obvious. I felt like I was giving all of my power away.
Here is one example of our conversation:
Her: So are you actually going to get some work done tonight?
Me: I’ll try, but some crazy girl keeps IMing me… haha.
Her: So why don’t you just ignore her?
So now the nice guy inside wants me to say, “because I really enjoy talking to you,” but that just feels too clingy. Plus, I’m not sure if she still views me just as a friend or as someone she is actually interested in. So I just ended up saying, “nah.”
How would you have handled the situation?
David: Tim, I agree with you: it’s best to give compliments when they are deserved. However, in the example you sent me, it looks like you are the one who really put yourself in that situation.
Don’t worry so much about whether or not you give your power away (just don’t do it constantly), but focus more on keeping the vibe fun, playful and exciting. That’s the real art of flirting.
So in your situation, there are multiple ways you could have handled it. You could:
1. Call her out on it
2. Ignore it and give a very open-ended/vague and neutral answer – basically circling around the pot – this creates some form of intrigue
3. Give her an answer that makes her want to know more – using curiosity/intrigue
4. Give her a “conditional compliment”
So here’s how your situation could have played out:
Her: So are you actually going to get some work done tonight?
Me: I’ll try, but some crazy girl keeps IMing me… haha.
Her: So why don’t you just ignore her?
Me:
1. Hmmmm… I think someone is fishing for a compliment here… :p :p :p
2. 
[yes, just give a smiley face. Do not answer... and let her ask another question]
3. Well, I don’t know what it is… but… there’s something about this girl that makes me want to talk to her more. [you give her the compliment but you keep it vague to keep your power]
4. Because for a lawyer [insert whatever stereotype she is], she’s pretty fun [insert the opposite quality expected from the stereotype]
I hope these suggestions help you. As you can see, you are just vibing based on what she tells you. Your “nice guy” response would be fine as well as long as you come from a position of power and self-respect. The woman can tell from the OVERALL conversation if you are you just trying to please her or if you truly mean what you tell her.
That’s more important that the exact response you give to the woman fishing for compliments. There’s nothing wrong with giving free compliments once in a while – you just can’t come from the wrong place.
Contact me again if you have any more questions. If you want me to go deeper with something, we can set up some form of phone or email coaching.
Have a great weekend!
If you have any questions at all please send them my way and I will use them in newsletters in the future.
I really enjoying hearing from all of you!
Todays Video is all about how to connect with a woman from the moment you first meet her.
In this video my friend Lexi goes over this in detail.
Or “I have ignored her” … throw her for a loop. Hahahaha
Great role playing video. I remember thinking stephen did the best job that night. And the feedback and breakdown is great for anyone interested in the bootcamp to see. Or just interested in general.
Wow, good advice! Speaking of texting… Here is my issue:
To start from the top, Ill take this weekend. I went to the bar with my friends (guys and girl in the group) and I genuinely met a girl (I was sober cab, she was sober, so no liquid courage, pick up lines, etc). I was following the Wygant way of just having a good time and trying not to talk about myself alot. She had friends too, so I also engaged with her friends in conversation so they didnt rip her away form me. After a night of dacing and having a good time, I got her number (the Wygant way, not asking for it).
I texted her within 24 hours following the format that was in one of your videos (tic tac toe), I had a nickname for her and attempted to bring her back to the moment in a text. She didnt text back. After talking to one of her friends I was informed that she probably wasnt going to ever text back…
This is just one instance but similar scenarios have happened to me in my interactions with beautiful women, and I am not sure whats wrong. I feel I have the approach down, so I think there is an issue with my inner game or my texting…
Someone on this blog at one point said something along the lines of “Guys are attractive until they open their mouth.” I am beginning to believe I am one of these guys… any advice?
Jesse,
Thanks for posting. First, the good news. Whoever posted that comment had it backwards. Most guys are not attractive UNTIL they open their mouths.
Attracting women is about what you say and do, as well as what you look like.
The bad news is there is no magic pill, there are no magic techniques — not even David’s techniques. Practice makes this work over time.
If you’re doing your best to follow David’s advice, you’re not one of the unattractive guys, and with practice you will become one of the attractive guys.
You’re in a tough spot, and I’ve been there… not striking out completely, but not finding complete success either. Maybe coming out for a bootcamp would help.
Until then, please try posting a bit more detail. Think about what went wrong and what went right. What were the turning points in the interaction? Did you ask about a boyfriend? What were the barriers in her mind that made her think texting back was bad? What made you think she was attracted to you in the first place?
– Patrick
Jesse,
Patrick has some great advice for you there.
I’m going to add a bit more to what he said. Attracting women is about who you are. What you say and do with the woman is a reflection of who you are.
So following David’s advice and tips will steer you in the right path… but you have to OWN the techniques he gives you. Are you using his tips as just techniques or as something you would say yourself?
People in general, and women in particular, look very closely for genuineness and authenticity. When you used some of David’s techniques, were they congruent with your vibe? Was they congruent with the identity you have?
Assuming that you really made the techniques your own, then do you know enough about her situation to really understand why she wouldn’t be receptive to your advances?
And assuming you didn’t do anything wrong, sometimes, there is just no chemistry. You are both at different places in life, you have different motivations and goals, or… it’s just the right time/place for either of you.
So don’t beat yourself up on this one encounter, but see what you can learn from it. Maybe you’ll notice that you didn’t do something as well as you thought.
Jesse,
I think you did a great job with approaching that girl in the bar! Don’t start to question yourself, be confident and continue to meet and interact with the ladies. Forget her and move on!
Hey All,
Thank you for the great advice. I guess the main stuff I took from daves teachings is be fun, and when I saw a glance I took it. I also wasnt afraid to walk away and come back later. I guess I would like to chalk this one up to chemistry… But you all are very helpful
~J~
This video is really good for what it offers!
Also, Khiem, you contribute really great stuff on here too man, thanks!
Dan
Hey Jesse,
I faced a similar dilemma this past week. I’ve been able to easily get numbers and have good conversation starters. But it seems like I can seal the deal for a meeting. I truly feel a lot has to do with living in a small town that’s almost like a high school click. People here don’t have a big city mentality where they constantly meet new people.
There must be some way around this social dynamic. Any suggestions?