Be A Man That Women Desire
Be a Man Part Two By David Wygant
About two weeks ago you read a blog about being a man, and what being a man is all about. Of course, now it’s another one of those late nights in my house – which, by the way, I’m looking for a bigger house now, because part of being a man is realizing that you have friends at your house all of the time and you want a playroom. Even though you’re a man, you still like to be a boy, and we tend to hang out so much in my office – I’d love to have a killer den and a guest room.
A lot of guys who take the Bootcamp come and stay with me, clients stay with me, and friends stay with me at my house. My ex-girlfriend Alison said to me the other night that my house is like Camp David. That’s pretty funny – I’m certainly NOT George Bush! – but I wouldn’t mind if my house was actually Camp David.
I like opening my home, I’ve always been about opening up my home to my friends. And it’s fun – I like having people over. I have a cool pad, great furniture, fun toys in my house, lots of computers for people to play on, and a killer dog that everybody likes to hang out with.
So we were talking a little bit more about being a man. A couple of weeks ago we talked about what I feel it is to be a man. Khiem wanted to add something that I thought was really fascinating…
Khiem: For me, I really enjoy talking about being a man, because it’s a topic that is not very widely or often discussed among boys and men nowadays. Society and your family expect you to be a man, but nobody ever really tells you how to be one.
Or, you’re taught: “don’t cry,” “be strong,” “be a man!” But what does that mean? How do you be tough? Does that mean that you become stoic and hide your emotions from everybody? Or does it mean that you can raise your emotions, but not let them effect you?
When I was young, I was always close to my dad, so I don’t have an issue with that, but I remember when I was 15 and older, he was always really absent in my life. Now, looking back, I realize it was a big void because in your late teens when you are maturing, how do you transition from a boy to man?
David: You know it’s interesting – when I grew up, my father was my anti-role model. I didn’t respect him. When I was growing up, we would play football in the backyard, and sometimes my dad would fade back to pass, or go over to the middle to catch something that one of my friends threw, and he was like 6’4” and not muscular at all, and I would go to tackle him and he’d break like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. You’d hear him tumble down.
I never respected my father. I always said if I ever had kids (which I haven’t – at least none that I know of yet! And I wouldn’t be able to have all of my friends over to my house if I had kids because the extra room would go to my kid…) I’d get their respect. I remember why I didn’t respect my father, and why I wanted to become a ‘real man’ – when I would run into my dad, he’d topple over!
And to me, a real man is about being strong. My dad didn’t teach me how to be a man. I had to teach myself how to be a man. And it’s hard to teach yourself! As a boy, you need a strong man to guide you – to tell you that it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to feel and have emotions – to guide you in business, to guide you with women, in so many different ways.
Your dad should be your role model – if he isn’t, you’d better get a good uncle or something! It’s interesting that there are a lot of lost guys out there that never had father figures, or man figures. They don’t know what it’s like to express themselves. I see it a lot – we both see it a lot in this business.
I think a lot of guys that come to a Bootcamp are guys that basically need a father figure. Not that I’m so old, but you can have a father figure of any age – a guy could be one year older than you and be your father figure – it’s just somebody stronger than you that can teach you the ways to become a man.
Women talk all the time about men being weak. And men think that it’s the pickup lines that are going to get women – but it’s not. It’s their strength of character that attracts a woman.
Khiem: And you’re right – women learn how to be women because they have very strong bonds with each other – they learn from a very young age to share a lot of their inner thoughts and dialog with each other. And this is how they grow.
With men, we are taught to be that one, individual man, who can do it all and really do everything. The more I see it; I realize that is not how it really is. Yeah, as a man you want your own purpose, and to fulfill your own destiny, but you need other people around. This is something that I think people don’t realize.
To use an analogy, to me, being a man is like being grounded like a bamboo tree. You’re very grounded – solid as a rock – but you are flexible, and you can bend with the will of nature without ever breaking.
David: That’s an interesting analogy, a bamboo tree. And then at night when the wind whips through, the sounds that it makes. I know from traveling through the Philippines and other places – especially in the Philippines I spent a night with a client and his girlfriend in Bolho, which is a beach island in the Philippines – at night all you hear is the monkeys and the bamboo. And there’s a sound that’s almost like – well it’s like it bends, but it doesn’t break.
Khiem: And it’s not like a rock. You should never measure yourself as a man like a rock. Rocks don’t move or adapt. But the bamboo adapts to its surroundings. It is so grounded that it bends without ever giving way.
David: Rocks don’t bend – you don’t want to be a rock. Rocks don’t feel. If you think about the analogy this way, rocks don’t feel. Take a rock, throw it on the ground, what happens? The rock gets a little chip on it, that’s about it.
Too many men are rocks. If you want to be a man that women respect and love, be the bamboo. Don’t be a rock!
Todays video will go even deeper into what it takes to be the most attractive man that women desire.
Have a great Friday!!
June 27th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Hey Kevin,
You hooting your own horn there buddy?
June 27th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
On 2nd thought Kevin…
June 27th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
On 2nd thought Kevin…
I glanced through your website and is full of good stuff, sort of a Portal. I love some of the Divorced Dad articles.
Keep up the good work.
p.s. Sorry for the double post
June 27th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
I can relate to this blog pretty well… my dad is a professional violinist (not exactly the most manly job in the world) and has never played a single physical sport in his life… and I too have had to look for additional father figures in various places… yet I’ve grown to accept my father for who he is.
June 27th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
I agree with Taras totally, this blog brings up important issues. My father, and I think the majority of fathers, aren’t exactly perfect pictures of manliness.
They, like my father, can be amazing people with extraordinary traits, but may simply have no clue how to teach their son about women (and other related things). So most people have to figure women out on their own! scary!
June 28th, 2008 at 3:36 am
Hey! I wrote my semester assignment about this, well almost. About female ethics versus male ethics… What this blog says pretty much sums up what I read and wrote about. Virginia Held (a feminist philospher) is writing about this exactly.. How men view themselves (and are taught) that they are individuals, rather than people in relation to others. This is how a guy would present himself:
“HI, my name is James, I live in NY, work at etc. etc.”
In comparison to a woman:
“Hi, my name is Joan, I live with my husband and two kids, we have a dog, and I work at etc etc”
This has always fascinated me. The nature of men and the nature of women. Women relate and bond, whereas men stand “alone”.. sort of..
And it has affected the development of ethics throughout history, dating back to ancient Greece (Aristotle and the gang)
But great post, David (and Khiem)!
We don’t want rocks, we want bamboo trees
June 28th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
David i ve read all of your blogs i have to say its great this is free but i have one question. Alot of the times im out il lfeel like a women really wants me to talk to her like shell stare into my eyes for what seems forever and they are quality girls then their are younger girls who giggle and laugh and i always woner what i nthe hel lare they laughing at. So what in the hell do younger girls always do that for is it because their immature or what is it.thanks man you have changed me in so many ways.
June 28th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I was listening to your “GIRLS TELL ALL” AUDIO. There were couple of answers which I would disagree with those ladies.
1) Make sure you pay your rent and don’t with your parents.
2) Do not try to hit on any women in a restaurant.
But David, what if you like some waitress and you wanna ask out. What do you do in that situation?
I want to hear your thoughts about that.
Thanks.
June 28th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
I beleive that my dad is my role model. He always encourages me with my career goals.
Have a great weekend everyone!!
June 29th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
LOL @ JustMe!
I’m gonna have to use that phrase again: “women want bamboo trees… not rocks” ;p
I’m sure people are going to look at me very funny!
To everyone else who talked about their fathers, no father is the perfect role model. I realized that your father taught you the best he knew how. But it’s still interesting to see how better certain fathers prepare their sons for manhood than others.
June 30th, 2008 at 12:55 am
Would love to see more blogs on this topic of being a man. Like it was stated there’s not enough discussion about this amongst men and boys.
I’ve never found everything I wanted to learn about being a man from any one role model. I have however found several incredible male role models through out my life who’ve I learned a thing or two from. None of them were perfect but they each excelled at one or two things and were willing to teach me.
I prefer learning from folks who can lead and teach by example. I’ve never really believed in or paid much attention to folks who could talk a good talk yet not practice what they preached. The other important thing is that they have to really give a shit and care about me. I also prefer someone who has similar values as me but can also challenge me with new ideas. I also agree with what David wrote here, “it’s just somebody stronger than you that can teach you the ways to become a man.”
Do you think guys can have role models via the internet or is a role model someone that you interact with face to face or both?
June 30th, 2008 at 7:30 am
I like the bamboo theory..I visited philippines and Thailand a few years ago..I definately show this blog to my friend and brothers..
June 30th, 2008 at 7:32 am
Why, Khiem, laughing at my quoting you?
hehe..
It’s a good phrase. Somehow this blog reminds me of Robert Frost’s poem “Birches” (I study English literature)
Read it, and see if you agree…
And of course, “Daddy” by Sylvia Plath.. it pretty much describes the role/responsibility a father has
I wholeheartedly, totally, fully agree with Jeffrey, more blogs on this topic. Discussing themes like this really helps discover why men and women might have problems in dating/relationships..
My father is overprotective and controlling (he still tries to control me =S) and has always demanded respect of me, without giving me any reason as to why I should respect him. Pretty sad, the way he intimidated “respect” out of me.. I guess it’s in our culture (my parents are indians, whereas I am born in Norway) to confuse obedience with respect…
However, I found my male role models in my male teachers througout my early school years, I guess that pretty much saved me. I had such respect for them, and they respected me soo much in return. I realized finally what was missing in my own home, and why it was so..
It could’ve fucked me up, but I consider myself to be lucky and happy and clear sighted as to understanding why things are the way they are..
I know that the man I am going to have kids with (in the future future)
needs to be a good role model (I believe there are role models, father figures and just fathers) to my kids.. Teaching good values is pretty hard, as you change and gain new values yourself almost all your life:)
I think I’m finished with this comment…
For now