single and happyI’ve got a great e-mail from Angelina the other day.

She wrote:

“Hi David,

Always enjoy your newsletters. The last one got me thinking. I had been in a long-term relationship with a narcissist. I broke it off with him and have recovered well. The relationship made me stronger.  Two and a half years later, I can say I’m happy with all things in my life. I feel beautiful, attractive, and sexy.

I treat myself perfectly well. I’ve started to travel on my own. I’m about to open my own business. I’m writing again. I’ve made time to see friends. In short, I sometimes will feel my life is so full there’s maybe no room for a man.

I don’t want to remain single. I do want the icing on the cake. I want to share things with the man I love and not just intimacy.  I want the relationship. Someone to hold me at night and build a life with.

 Sometimes, I feel like I’m straddling a line; one leg in the dating season and the other leg in the happily singles season.

 The result is that I go back and forth emotionally and can’t really get clear what I want or what to do. One day I’m enjoying this time to myself, figuring out who I am as a person. The next day I want to date and find the right man for me.

My question basically is: Can you be too happy on your own?  

 Maybe I’m telling myself I’m happy so I don’t have to put in the effort to go out there.  Or, another possibility, maybe I’m not as ready for a relationship as I think I am. 

 How can you tell which one?”

“Can I Be Happy On My Own?”

First, thank you for your email. There’s a very simple answer to your question. It doesn’t matter whether you enjoy your single life or you’re not quite ready for a relationship. I want you to think about this for a second.  You can never be too happy on your own.

A happy person attracts another happy person. The time that you’ve spent alone has made you more complete. It’s made you confident and independent. Two and a half years is not a long time after a long-term relationship.  As a matter of fact, they say for every 10 years of a relationship, you should be single for 5 years after. In order to heal you have to go through the process of getting to know yourself as an individual again. You have to formulate what it is you want out of life.

And that’s why you feel the way you do. Sometimes you can’t get a clear idea of what you want to do, and that’s okay. I have many days like that, where I really don’t know what I want out of life. I don’t know what I want to do. So, I go with it, accept what life has to offer and enjoy the time I’ve been given.

On days I feel like I was meant to be single forever. I love the time I get to myself. The next day I want to date and find the right woman who will love my daughter and compliment my lifestyle. It’s okay to not know what you want.  Be whoever you are. This time is important. Eventually, you’re going to find that great guy and be in a loving relationship.

Eventually, a great man going to enter into your life and you won’t be able to resist him.  He’s going to be everything that you want because he’s going to be someone who’s also bubbling with life. He hardly ever feels lonely, and he feels beautiful and attractive and sexy, as well.  He’s going to be your emotional and sexual match. Until then, just be happy on your own.  You might have a week where you just feel like dating, and then all of a sudden you have a week where you feel like hanging with your gal pals.

It’s okay. Don’t waste a second overthinking where you should be. If you’re happy, you’re right where you should be. Because you’ve already put in the work to improve yourself, you’re miles ahead of most people entering the dating pool.

You haven’t met the right guy yet, and that’s okay. Thank you for sharing. I love when people share their conflicting, positive things with me. Just to let you know you’re more positive and amazing than you think you are.