cute dogI don’t know what it is, but everywhere I go in California now there are dogs. There are dogs in places they were never allowed before even. I’ve seen dogs in restaurants, Whole Foods, and supermarkets all over the place. Why is it happening? Because people are scamming the system!

Today, I went into this restaurant. There’s a big sign saying, “No dogs allowed except therapy dogs and seeing eye dogs.”

I walk in, and there are two women sitting there with dogs. Both these women are young, fit, and healthy looking. The dogs have a little collar each that says, “Therapy Dog.”

Therapy for what exactly?

I listened to the women’s conversation and it was obvious they were two healthy individuals. It certainly didn’t seem they needed the kind of therapy a dog could give. As far as I’m concerned the last time I went to a therapist, it didn’t look like a dog.

It just seems people can’t leave their dogs home alone, and now thanks to the Internet they can work the system. There are therapy dogs running around all over the place. The other day I was in Whole Foods, and I saw this body builder guy. He was so jacked up on steroids; he looked like the Incredible Hulk. He was carrying his tiny little Chihuahua around with him. I looked and it had a tag on it that said, “Companion Dog.”

Companion for what?

An over pumped steroid monster?

It’s so funny how people can’t seem to leave their dogs alone. People are lonely, and most people find it easier to reach out to an animal than they do with other people. Dog really is man’s best friend. Now, thanks to the power of the Internet we can take man’s best friend wherever we want to.

Now, nobody ever has to be alone. They can always be with their dog, and talking to their dog. I love dogs I really do, but it’s getting a bit crazy. Are we going to start seeing therapy cats everywhere soon? How long before we start seeing people walking around holding their cats?

I can imagine a therapy cat. In fact, I think there was an episode of Garfield that my daughter made me watch, where Garfield pretended to be a psychiatrist and did therapy for the dog, Odie. I think Odie was having trouble because he felt like he didn’t get enough love. The bottom line is, if you have a dog, you need to leave it at home. The dog is perfectly content. The dog is happy to be at home. Who wouldn’t be happy being able to sleep that many hours in the daytime on a comfortable sofa?

Start asking yourself if your dog is a substitute relationship. Are you allowing your dog to be your substitute lover? Are you allowing your dog to be the substitute boyfriend or girlfriend? Is your dog actually preventing you from actually going out more, because you have so much love at home with your four legged boyfriend or girlfriend?

If you’re looking for love, then dogs are a great way to meet people. Go to the dog park, and meet other people. People come over and pet when you’re walking your dog around. But if you do meet a man please don’t actually go on a dinner date with your dog. I know it puts me off as a man, and I don’t think your dog is really interested in the conversation going on anyway.

People are way too attached to their dogs and it’s getting weird. Don’t bring your dog out on a date, and NEVER let the dog in the bedroom if you have a man in there. I had a woman do it to me once, and I never saw her again!