(Warning: This blog is a frank discussion of the importance of female masturbation. It is explicit in description of sex and masturbation. If that offends you, please read one of my other blogs instead of this one.)


Is it taboo in your world?

Do you have trouble bringing yourself to self-pleasure?

Do you have trouble with touching yourself and exploring yourself and bringing yourself to orgasm?

I got an interesting email from a woman today and I want to go through it with you.

She said to me:

David, how do you deal appropriately with your sexual needs and desires if you’re not comfortable with masturbation?

This is a common concern that many women have.

Denying our sexual desires is common because of social conditioning. I think there needs to be more discussion around this issue.

What are your thoughts?

First off, I’ve never met a man who had trouble masturbating. It’s the opposite. I have met many men who can’t leave it alone.

It seems like they’re born to touch their penis and make it explode.

I’ve never met a man who who can’t masturbate, but I’ve met many women who have trouble touching themselves.

Let’s talk about why you need to be able to masturbate.

  1. You need to know your body

This is your body. How are you ever going to have great sex with a man if you’ve not explored your own body?

It’s very important to be able to learn how to touch yourself.

It’s important to know what circular motion, up and down motion, or what stimulation your clit needs in order to achieve orgasm. It’s important to know whether or not you’re multiple orgasmic or if you only have one orgasm.

It’s important to insert your fingers inside to feel your G spot and massage it. Know what type of pressure you like. Do you like it strong and hard, or slow and massage-like.

It’s important because no man is going to be able to please you sexually if you don’t know yourself. You need to spend time touching yourself and feeling yourself and exploring with your own hands so you know exactly what turns you on and what brings you to orgasm.

  1. You can’t orgasm if you are afraid of your body

If you’re afraid of your own body when a man touches it, he’s going to feel that energy. He’s going to feel your need to be in complete control over your body and he’s going to feel you not let go.

I was with a woman once who couldn’t touch herself.

She never masturbated. She never touched herself down there. She said to me, show me what I like. I said, there’s no way in the world I can do that. You’re going to need to start masturbating. 

It was such a stigma for her. She had a lot of Catholic guilt around it. It was something she had trouble exploring.

We worked together for a while. I got her to touch herself in front of me. I got her to move her hands. She used my hand to show me what feels good. I allowed her to take my hand and move it over her clit and she used my hand to make herself orgasm.

One night I told her to take my hand and use it. Take my hand and touch yourself the exact way you want to be touched. She felt a little uncomfortable but after a while, getting a little more relaxed.articles__lets_talk_about_orgasms_345X214

She orgasmed. Bigger than ever before. It was an eye opening experience for her and it made her realize that it’s okay to touch your own body.

She started masturbating and getting into her sexuality.

So, if you’re afraid to touch yourself, find a man. Use his hand to masturbate with.

  1. If you want great sex, you need to masturbate

If you want great sex, you need to touch yourself. You need to know what you like. Plain and simple. You can’t use a vibrator.

A vibrator is a cheating tool. Many women can use a vibrator but not their hands. They feel like if they masturbate with a vibrator, it’s OK, but if they use their hand there’s some type of taboo.

It’s all programming from childhood. Programming from church. Programming from upbringing and society. But in order to explore yourself, and your own sensuality, you need to be able to touch yourself.

Whatever it takes, therapy, coaching, whatever — you need to become comfortable touching yourself. For those of you who have trouble masturbating and touching your own beautiful amazing body, it’s time you started exploring.

If you want amazing sex with a lover, you need to be able to communicate with him in bed. You need to be able to tell him exactly what you are looking for. You’re not going to be able to until you know yourself, because most men are not great in bed.

Most men are not great lovers. They’re not going to be able to show you. You’re going to have mediocre sex your entire life unless you stumble across a great lover.

It’s better to learn what you want so you can train the man and you can speak up sexually.

There’s nothing wrong with sex. It’s a beautiful exchange of energy between two people.

Touching yourself is lovely. Making love to yourself is natural.

Learn it. Do it.

Go find your orgasm.