be a manI was having an interesting coaching session the other day. That’s right. From time to time, I’ll reach out and go to some intensive coaching workshops. Why? Sometimes you need to have someone else giving you a non-biased opinion. Sometimes you need someone to push you in certain ways.

We were talking and the guy says, “The reason why most men don’t grow is because society has trained us to always feel so tough and hardened. Society has taught us that being a man means we’re strong, that we have to take care of things, and we’re here to be the protectors of our family and loved ones.”

He’s right too. We’re told to be strong and to hide our emotions. We’ve heard it since we were growing up. Be strong and take it like a man! Even when we were little kids and we’d fall in the park, our Fathers would look at us and say, “You’re OK. Be a man about it.”

A little girl would fall in the park and her Mom would come running over saying, “Are you OK sweetheart?” And the little girl would cry.

The Mom would say, “It’s alright to show your emotions. It’s perfectly natural.” So girls express emotions while the little boys stay hard. The little boy falls again. He cries for a second, then he sees his Mom and Dad giving him the look, so he stops. Men aren’t supposed to express emotions. We’re supposed to be the strong, fearless rock for everyone around us.

If we can’t figure something out on our own, it’s tough. We’re men, and we have to do things by ourselves. That’s what they teach us. Don’t reach out for help. Don’t reach out for anyone. It’s amazing so many guys feel like this and live life like this all the time. The biggest lesson I learned from one of my coaches was if you can’t figure something out, ask for help!

It doesn’t make you any less of a man. In fact, it actually makes you a stronger man. It makes you a man who is willing and able to ask for help. It makes you a man who knows he can’t do it on his own. That’s what I’m doing right now. As I’m processing the passing of my Mother and really trying to figure things out for myself over the long run, I’m realizing certain things.

Why It’s Good To Become Vulnerable

I’ve always had trouble getting really vulnerable because I was always taught to be the man, but that story, and that way of doing things really doesn’t serve me anymore. It certainly doesn’t serve me in my personal relationships. It certainly doesn’t serve me in most of my relationships. So, I’m working with people now to help me become a little more vulnerable, a little more open, a little more receiving of love and asking for what I need, want, and desire from people, instead of always being the man.

I spent so much time taking care of so many people, taking on so many others energy, teaching them how to be more open or accepting, and more demanding of who they are. So now, I’m doing the same for myself. I’m working on myself to become more open, raw, and vulnerable. I don’t need to be so harsh at all anymore.

I know that if I’m going to do this I need to engage people who help me. Part of what I’m doing is admitting the things I can’t do on my own, and asking for help. It’s not a sign of weakness. Asking for help is a sign of strength. It takes strength and courage to go deep inside yourself and realize you can’t do it by yourself.

We can all read a book, attend some program, but sometimes we just get stuck. It’s always good to be able to call somebody unbiased. Somebody who can push you, somebody who can see through your fears, see through your BS, and put you on a different path. That’s what I’m doing right now. I’m on a deeply awakening spiritual growth. Something that really makes me feel really good. I’m being more authentic with myself, and others. I’m getting rid of people in my life that no longer serve me.

I’m cutting out dead energy, and not doing anything I don’t really enjoy or want to show up for. My life is becoming simpler because we don’t know how long we have in life. We don’t know how long this journey is going to be, so it’s time to open our hearts, open our souls, and as men become more tender, more loving, and more vulnerable.

It’s time we showed all sides of us. It’s not a sign of weakness.  It’s actually a sign of strength. It takes inner strength being able to expose the true emotions and true qualities. It takes courage to show who are you as a man instead of keeping it all stuffed down and bottled up like we were always taught to do when we were little kids, and we fell in the park.

Our parents had it wrong. We weren’t going to turn into a mamby pamby. We weren’t going to be a wussy if we cried in the park. We were just expressing our emotions, but we’re programmed from the age of zero to thirteen to stuff it down and be a man, when really isn’t being a man about being able to express everything you want? Isn’t being a man about being able to show your needs, wants, and desires?

Being a man is being able to communicate everything in your life. That means saying no sometimes, and reaching out for help when you need it!

Peace out!