relationshp breakdownsIt’s amazing. Every day I get emails from so many people. And I wonder: “Why do you put up with this?

Sure, I know some of you are probably thinking: she’s a mother of two, she puts up with it because she needs food on the table. She wants her family to stay together. When I read you this lady’s situation, your stomach is going to curdle. Your mind is going to get all warped, and you’re going to feel the exact same way I did.

Why do we put up with this? Do you realize we only have one shot to live the life we’ve been given?

One shot, that’s it. One opportunity. Why do so many of us stay in dead-end relationships?

Here’s a woman who wrote me the other day. 32 years old, married with two children. She first met her husband and 2010. Sex life was very interesting. However, after all the fights and arguments they went through, turns out he was also seeing his ex-girlfriend.  Wow.  Look at the red flags right there. Sex life was ‘interesting’, got into lots of fights, and now he’s seeing his ex-girlfriend.

Everything changed and they no longer have sex. The husband can only think about what he was doing to her, like cheating on her, and it makes her hate him.  But when she thinks of her two kids, she tries to keep calm and quiet, and treat things as though it’s normal.

This is normal. When you met him in 2010, the sex was good for a while, until you started fighting. Then he started seeing his ex-girlfriend, because that’s who he really is. He’s a cheater. He exposed himself as a cheater right from the get-go. You ignored it, you decided to have kids with him. So, the writing was on the wall right from the get-go in this relationship.

And it always is. The writing is always on the wall, the problem is most of us ignore it. You desperately want a relationship. And often, we don’t feel like we deserve a great relationship. So, we get involved in these relationships that just aren’t that wonderful.  It goes on. She started to change her attitude towards him. She decided to pray for him. Keep doing good to him, regardless of the situation.

That’s wonderful. Doing good to others is really loving a person. Expecting nothing in return is the way to have a good relationship. You’ll know you’ve done everything you can, so the relationship has been over. Praying for somebody: let me tell you how I feel about people who pray.

When you sit around and pray for something to happen, to me, it feels hopeless. It seems like you’ve abandoned any effort to make change yourself. So then, you get down on your knees and you pray. You pray to who ever you believe in. I don’t care if it’s God, Allah, Jesus Christ, the Lord, or Charlie the Tuna.

Have You Stayed In A Dead End Relationship Longer Than You Should Have?

It doesn’t matter. In my opinion, the person who you need to pray to is your inner self. You need to talk to your inner self, and say:

“I’m going to do all the work I can do to make this relationship work. If this person is not willing and able to do the work, I’m going to now take the next step to correct all the things in my life, to leave, to go live a beautiful life.”

Praying, to me, feels hopeless. I pray that this works out: Think of the way the terminology is. It feels almost like you don’t feel that you can get anything done yourself.  I understand for a lot of people, praying gives them hope. I really get it. But I prefer a pragmatic approach. Take action. Change your life. You deserve better.  She writes further in this e-mail.

She said, “But everything I’ve done is not working, even when it comes to sex. It seems his mind is not with me, just his body.

“Just a month ago, I found a porn movie in my laptop and some tissues in our bedroom and realized he was masturbating while watching a movie when my kids and I were away to visit my grandmother.”

It gets worse.  She said the biggest problem she thinks her husband is cheating on her. He’s online dating and watching porn. You have a communication problem. Neither one of you are happy. This woman is 32 years old. You’re young, praying isn’t going to work here. Even though it gives you comfort. Your husband won’t change from your prayers. The conversation is going to work. Getting down to the deep root of the problems, doing the thing you need to do. Read the writing on the wall.

You’re staying together for the two kids, most likely, maybe you don’t believe in divorce. But what these kids are seeing is a dysfunctional relationship. When kids see this, they tend to take on the behaviors of their parents in future relationships when they’re adults.  I want to see you wake up. I want to see you live a better, happier life. You deserve to be with a man who loves and respects you. You sound like a wonderful woman. You have a huge heart and a beautiful soul. You and your kids deserve better.