putting men to sleep onlineI have a friend staying with me for a while. He wants to meet a woman, so I’m going through his online dating accounts to see if I can help him. He isn’t having any luck and wanted me to see if I could spot what he was doing wrong.

After looking at some of the messages he’d sent and received, I could see he wasn’t the problem. The number of women who respond to a guy’s opening message with nothing except, “Hi, how are you?” is astronomical. I want to read you a couple of emails, and think about how YOU’D respond if someone messaged you online like this.

Here’s one of the emails he wrote to a woman…


Here’s what drew me towards you besides the obviously amazing smile you have:)

You’re very genuine. In today’s world, I tend to read between the lines. and I like the story I hear.

Plus you get bonus points for not being a couch potato, eating too many carbs, and just sitting there doing nothing!

Would love to talk more and see if we connect!


The woman responded a couple of hours later with…

“Hi Jim,

How are you?”

So, here he was, trying to be a little clever and interesting, and she responds with and ‘how are you?’

Women do this all the time. It’s unbelievable. They make no attempt to have a conversation whatsoever. So Jim responded…

“I’m really good. Thanks for asking. How was your day?

What was the best part of your day today?”

He’s trying to get a conversation going. Do you understand that this is a conversation? Imagine it’s happening in person. If someone writes you that small paragraph, showing a little flair and personality — why would you look at them blankly and say ‘how are you?’

And it continues. It’s like a plague.

As I read through his online account it’s full of short, boring, one line responses from women. He wrote to another woman…


Wow! What a smile. I took one look and I said to myself, “I need to meet this girl.

Oh, and thanks for not writing a novel on your profile. I agree it’s either there or not and we will not know until we talk if we have a connection!

Love to talk soon,


What did she write back?


How are you?”

She must have been friends with the first woman because they had the same boring answer back. I’ll read you another one. He wrote:

“Hey, I like the energy. Tell it like it is and weed out all the pretenders. You have a great smile too, and I’m interested in learning more about you.


She wrote,

“What do you do/sell ? What is your job?


It’s supposed to be flirting and she wants to know what he markets? It’s supposed to be flirting, not a job interview. This is the reason why so many women get zero responses online. You don’t know how to flirt. Another woman responded to a message he sent, and she was a LITTLE better…

“Hey Jim,

Thanks for the response and yes, I’m really a sweet person, a very nice person.  I enjoyed reading your profile. “

So there you go, she actually flirted a little bit. She was a little better than the other ones.  I’ll read you one more because either he’s unlucky, or women have no idea how to flirt online.

Here’s his opening message to her…


I like your honesty.  No games here I see. There’s something very sexy about you, and I want to know how that mind of yours works.  Let’s talk, Jim.”

She writes back…


I mean hi?

So he wrote back:

“Hi is a good start for sure, but I know you must have something you want to ask me.”

She comes back…

“What are you doing?”

This is why so many conversations go nowhere. Ask him about something in his profile. You read it obviously. Dive into his profile, and ask him about himself. Just because you respond doesn’t mean he’s going to jump up and down and say, “Yes she responded to me. I’m getting laid here.”

He wants to be flirted with just as you do. Create attraction.

So here’s the lesson. No one line answers online. Think about a conversation because that’s what it is. Talk, learn, and connect with the men who message you. You never know, one of them COULD be a really great guy. And if he doesn’t feel a connection, you’re going to instantly turn him off and he’ll be gone!