Oh, you people who think you’re perfect.

This article is for you.

I hope I piss you off so much.

I hope you see me and you throw a water balloon at me, or you shoot me with a paint gun because you’re so pissed off at me that I made fun of you, Miss Perfect or Mr. Perfect.

All of you who spend hours and hours a day trying to do things that are so perfect.

Reading every article on the Internet. Making sure that you’re perfect.

Having an opinion, and you think it’s the perfect opinion.

Arguing your point non-stop because you think you’re perfect and you’re never wrong. Well, let me tell you something, Mr. or Mrs. Perfect.

You’re nothing more than just an asshole.

An insecure asshole that can’t handle somebody challenging you, or literally showing you that you’re not correct, or not perfect.

1. Your perfectionism is actually killing your entire life.

I know a woman that thinks she’s perfect. She actually makes my stomach turn, she thinks she’s so perfect.

In all the years I’ve known her as a friend, she has never apologized to anybody. I’ve never seen her apologizing. And every time there’s conflict in her life, she and her perfect ways is consistently always blaming somebody else. Go right ahead, blame other people for all the things that you are.

The man that she’s with? A complete wimp. A pussy. A nice guy. A great guy. I’ve talked to him. I’ve hung with him.

I think he’s cool.

But, he’s a complete pussy because he allows her, and he bows to her. He bows to Miss Perfect.

And she has him wrapped around her little thumb, because in her world, if she is not in control, nothing works for her.

Her children? Oh, yeah, they’re manipulated beyond belief. She’ll never see it, but she thinks that everything she does is perfect with them. She’s the perfect parent. She’s the perfect caretaker.

She’s the perfect girlfriend.

She’s the perfect wife.

But a reality, I look at her, and all I can think to myself is this.

You’re the perfect asshole.

You really are. You’re an asshole. You’re so fearful, you’re so insecure, you’re such a sad person. Because every time I look at you, and I look at how you believe that you’re right all the time, and that whatever you think is gospel, I look at you as somebody that is never going to grow, never going to evolve, and never going to be anything when you grow up.

How does that make you feel, perfect people out there that think that you are perfect? Who always come up with the perfect idea. Who will always think that life needs to be perfect. Let me tell you something, which leads to number two.

2. Perfect doesn’t exist, ever.

It never exists. There’s no perfect game, there’s no perfect life, there’s no perfect sun, there’s no perfect moon, there’s no perfect anything. There’s no perfect girlfriend, perfect boyfriend, perfect lover, perfect job, perfect child, perfect dinner.

No perfect shit in the morning.

There’s no perfect anything. You see, people who believe that they want to be perfect and are really striving for perfection and can’t do anything unless they feel it’s perfect…are people that are actually missing out on life every single day. Missing out on the beauty of life, missing out on what life is all about. Missing out on life, on experiences, and actually hearing other people’s opinions.

I know when I’ve dealt with this narcissistic, perfect person – and I’ve dealt with many of them in my lifetime – talking to them is like talking to a wall. They have the empathy of Dexter Morgan.

You remember that show, Dexter? Google it. He’s a serial killer. Well, they are a perfection killer. They believe that whatever they say is gospel.

And they think that being perfect is great. I can’t get involved in a relationship with somebody like that. I’ve been involved in relationships with people like that, and I absolutely can’t stand them.

There is no such thing as perfect. I am so imperfect it’s unbelievable. I make mistakes every fucking day.

I get angry at myself. I get pissed at myself. Shit, I made a couple of mistakes today, and I’m writing this thing right now, and I’m thinking to myself, goddamm if I had some of those moments back today, what would I do. But that makes me human.

You see, all you zombie perfect people out there, you’re not human beings at all. You’re not relating to life. You’re not experiencing life. You’re just being perfect, because perfect is exactly what you need to be, because you fear just about everything in life unless you can control it. That’s it with today’s rage on that. Wonder if some of the people that I’ve pissed off, or I don’t like any more, read this. I’d be curious. I hope so.