For those of you who watch “Entourage” on HBO, there was a really funny episode when Johnny Drama (played by Kevin Dillon) walked into this Asian massage parlor…with a twist. It was your neighborhood friendly “rub ‘n tug” shop. You know the place – where a man can walk in, get his muscles massaged by a sexy woman who speaks little English, and then when she’s finished massaging she will look at you and in broken English say “Mister, you want happy ending?”

All over Los Angeles, there’s your neighborhood 7-11 store where you can get America’s favorite soft drink (the Big Gulp) and then right next to it there’s a massage parlor, where a man can get his favorite neighborhood rub ‘n tug. A little bit of rubbing and a little bit of tugging makes men happy.

Basically, rub ‘n tug shops are the safe version of being with another woman. Most men believe that because it’s just “a happy ending,” and because they DID get the massage, that this is not cheating. I once read a survey in a magazine that said that 80% of men have gone to their local rub ‘n tug shop for a little mid-afternoon relief.

Now I’m not a big fan of the rub ‘n tug thing. I like to go in, get a massage, get my muscles worked on, and listen to some good spa music. That whole process really doesn’t turn me on. Now it’s different if someone that I’m hanging with comes over, puts on some incredible music, gets naked, and we have some fun with oil all over our bodies.

But to be massaged by someone who doesn’t speak a word of English on sheets that other people have had the rub ‘n tug on, doesn’t turn me on. I liken it to sleeping in one of those motels where you wouldn’t want to make any contact with the bedspread but because the air conditioning has no thermostat and gets a little cold during the night, the bedspread inevitably ends up right under your nose.

There are just certain things I don’t like to share. I don’t like to sleep in a bed on which thousands of other people have slept, and I don’t like to get a rub ‘n tug on a bed where seven other guys have gotten one during that same day. That just doesn’t turn me on.

But, there are lots of married men who are bored and who just want a rub ‘n tug in the afternoon. Why jerk off in the office bathroom when you can have someone do it for you? I know a lot of single guys in this scenario: they go out, have a few drinks, spend about seventy bucks, they don’t meet any women, and then they go to the local massage place and spend another $100.00 on the rub ‘n tug. They figure that it cost them $170.00 that night, but it was worth it because they got off.

For me it’s all about connecting with someone and having a good time. It’s not as if I don’t like getting off. I just like to do it my own way, i.e., with another person who I don’t have to pay to pull on my weenie.

But the local rub ‘n tug does provide a good service for some men. If you’re bored one day, hang out outside your local rub ‘n tug and see the volume of men who go in there to get rubbed and tugged.

I’ve lived most of my adult life in big cities, and I know some of you who live in smaller towns don’t have a “happy ending” massage parlor around the corner from your local Blockbuster or 7-11. And for those of you who do live in small towns, men masturbate like men. They retreat to their own private place and masturbate. But for those of us who live on the coasts, we have the privilege of going to our local “happy ending” rub ‘n tug massage parlor.