Pricks Who Use Pick Up Lines and Routines. By The Desperate Housewife

Today we have a guest blog from our favorite Desperate Housewife. Not the Sexy Eva Longoria or Terri Hatcher but our very own hot sexy and always ready for action Desperate Housewife.

Thanks David and Men are you ready for some hard truth straight from a woman?

“Do you clean your pants with Windex, because I can see myself in them?”
“You have an incredible pair of legs! What time do they open?”

Oh, baby don’t stop I could listen to you all night! NOT!!!

Why do men find it necessary to use some stupid pick up line or rehearsed routine, that they have racked their brain all day on a Friday to get down just right, so they can make one more failed attempt to “score” with a woman? Some will elude themselves into believing, “It is not the line but the delivery that counts.” Interesting statement that is made there and this is why.

Let me say that in a way that is not only correct but quite effective. “It is not so much what you say, but how you say it.” What’s the difference between the two? The vast space between the earth and the moon is the difference!

When men use pick up lines on women, the key turn off is that it is a “line.” We recognize that right away. It is not something said spontaneously in the moment, but rather a rehearsed, repetitious routine used that just sounds stupid coming out of a mans mouth.

Having said that, let’s look at that other statement. “It is not so much what you say but how you say it.” The key word here is, “say.” When you have something to say to us worth listening to, we bend our ears to listen. When you meet a woman “say” to her ANYTHING but a cheesy pickup line or use a rusty routine you pulled out of your ass. Observe and speak!

Women are not some brainless wonders wandering the planet waiting for their orifices to be plugged, poked and prodded by the species known as man! We are soft to the touch. Our hearts are tender and we love to be wooed. When a man uses a pick up line, it instantly turns our rosy blushed cheeks to a flaming fury of disgust! You might even see smoke release from our ears trying to purge the words we are hearing.

Men, you can walk in the coffee shop, bookstore—wherever. If you are clean and look presentable, and smiling, we notice you.

We can go in to some serious fantasies about how your hug would feel; your kiss and even what kind of a lover you might be. “Oh no here he comes—he is headed straight for me! I am so nervous!” You re in front of us and say something like, “You must be tired, because you have been running through my mind since I walked in.”

Waaah Waaah. Like an out of tune sliding trombone, you have BLOWN it!

All of a sudden this cloud lifts from our misty eyes and we see you for the pussy seeking prick you are. Now if you had said something like, say, “This place is so big, do you happen to know where the do-it-yourself section might be?” SCORE!

You have got two points now, instead of negative infinity! So what if you don’t need a damn self help-do it yourself book, ? you need self -help in having something to say to get the conversation started—right? Right! Now we are thinking, “Please talk to me more!” instead of, “Shut the hell up and go away already.”

Next time you think to use a pick up line of any kind, please think before you speak. Think these thoughts;

“Do I want to let her see I am a total fool?” I guarantee you, she isn’t feeling the fool. She KNOWS you are the fool for what you just said. “Do I want to get to know this woman on a deeper level or do I want to see how deeply I can anger her?” Guarantee number two is that pick up lines make us roll our eyes and feel pissed off. When we look at you we think, “What an idiot!”

Instead, find anything you can that is in the present, whether it be how you like our outfit, how nice the place is you haven’t been there before, the food smells great—-you get the point.

It is the here and now that will get you to the when and how!;) We love conversation and smiles, laughter and attentiveness. No pick up line or routine will ever work on a woman who is worth your time. If you want to use them, look for the woman whose eyes are glassed over, is stumbling and mumbling to herself things she doesn’t even know, then starts to cry for no apparent reason.

Maybe one of your stupid pick up lines will comfort her and you might even get lucky—that is if she doesn’t heave all over you freshly cleaned car and pass out before you ever get her home!