relationship breakupIt’s amazing how many women think it’s one thing that made a guy not like you.

It’s almost like the guy that watches the football game and thinks that a game was lost on one play.  But in reality, they might’ve lost it on the final play, as the Seahawks did with not allowing Marshawn Lynch to run the ball.  But there were 20 other plays throughout the game that could’ve gone differently.

How about all of those three and outs they had in the fourth quarter?  What if they actually had a first down?  What if they got a field goal?  There’s so many things that could’ve gone on in any game besides the one thing that you think about.

The one thing that makes you obsessed. A woman e-mailed me the other day and told me that she likes this guy a lot and she’s so nervous for the date. She got really shy on the date and the guy said, “Maybe we should be boyfriend and girlfriend”, and she said “yes.”

And then a week later, he said “You know, I don’t think we should really be boyfriend and girlfriend.”

So she thinks it’s all because she was shy. It’s not one thing. Just because you didn’t say the right thing at the right moment, there is no ‘one right thing’ to say. It’s everything leading up to it. You need to look at the big picture.  When a relationship doesn’t work out, when a date doesn’t work out, when a crush — God, we hate crushes, don’t we — when that doesn’t work out, it’s not because you said one thing wrong on the date.

But, women have the amazing habit of doing the post date recap. It’s like a female rite of passage. Let’s be honest now.  How many times have you been out with friends and you literally have broken down a date over and over again to try to find what went wrong?

You and your BFF’s pulled apart every single moment of the date, searching for that one specific moment that made him disconnect from you. How many times has it driven you and your friends crazy.  I call that the re-engager. A lot of women are guilty of constantly re-engaging the same things over and over again. Analyzing and analyzing it to death.

You got to realize that on any date, it’s not just one thing, just like in any football game. There is no formula to analyze a lack of attraction. Attraction is an emotional response not a logical decision. There wasn’t one thing you did that caused him to disconnect. He never connected in the first place. You and he did not connect from start to finish. Whether it’s a date or a full on relationship, there’s never ‘just one thing’ that caused it to fail.

Even when one person cheats, it’s not really about the cheating. They disconnected long before the act of betrayal. Nobody cheats out of the blue. There are things that happen along the way in the relationship that triggered the act. You have to look at it from the beginning all the way through the end.  It’s always a two way street. It

The Seahawks would’ve won The Super Bowl if they did 20 other things correct in that football game, playing defense, stopping Brady, getting a sack when they needed to.  There’s so many things. We tend to look for ‘a reason’ so we can do better the next time. We like to try to find the one thing that caused the relationship to breakup or the date not to work.  And it never is just that.

If you want to learn from past mistakes and get better, you have to look at things from the start. Then you will see all the reasons why things turned out the way they did. It’s never ‘just one thing.’