Dear David – Is He Right For Me?
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It’s Dear David time once again on the blog, and a lady asking a question you’ve probably asked yourself every time you’ve started dating a new man. “Is he right for me?”
How do you know if a man is right for you? What if he’s amazing in every way shape and form, all except for one little issue that plays on your mind? What relationship warning signs should you be watching out for?
Let’s have a look at her email, and my reply below…
“Dear David,
So I met this man about 3 months ago. We’re both in our late 30’s and are both divorced. He’s kind, sweet, makes me laugh, and we have a great time together.
He can be a bit quiet and almost moody sometimes, and I know some guys take longer to open up than others, but there’s something playing on my mind. Most the time we get on like a house on fire and the energy is good, but I think he has an anger problem. Sometimes he’ll fly off the handle for no reason.
When he loses his temper like that he’ll normally end up knocking something over and then slamming the door on his way out. He’s amazing and I so want it to work with him, but I’m a little unnerved by his moody persona and tempers. How can I tell for sure if he’s right for me?
Thanks David.
Yours Cynthia.”
David Says…
OK Cynthia.
First, let me say thank you for letting me share this with the community. I’m sure tons of other women will benefit from hearing your story. I appreciate that a lot and I’m sure they will too.
It sounds like this guy hasn’t been violent or directly abusive but I never like hearing about guys who slam doors, and knock things over. How far is that going to escalate?
My advice right off the bat would be to talk to him about it. Don’t attack him for it or ask him if he has an “anger problem,” but tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable when he loses his temper and is there anything you can do to help him. If he opens up, then great. If he gets angry with you then you have to start thinking about the future of the relationship.
Sure, you may get on MOST the time, and obviously he has some nice qualities which attract you. Here’s where some women go wrong though. They’re so desperate for a relationship to work out, they ignore, or blind themselves to any warning signs the guy isn’t right for you.
You want it to work out so much, you ignore the little negatives going on. The thing is those negatives are there as a warning. You need to pay attention to them. You need to look at the relationship as a whole and not just focus on the positives. It’s about weighing up the positives and negatives. Please don’t ignore the waning signs. If you think this guy might have an anger problem, try to talk to him about it.
Don’t ignore it and hope it’s going to go away on its own. Don’t ever ignore something that doesn’t feel right to you, because I can tell you from experience, it may not happen right away, but eventually it will affect the relationship. It’s time to listen to your instincts and stop listening to your Disney fantasy promising you a happy ending!
Nowadays, dating is more competitive than it’s ever been — download this free report to learn 6 proven skills to stand apart & succeed in the modern dating world.
2 Comments | Join the Discussion!
Colleen
Sunday, May 18th, 2014
Elizabeth
Monday, May 19th, 2014