friendsI’m going to throw at you the most overused term that people use in relationships.  It is not ‘soul mate.’

Soul mate to me is an overused term but not the most overused.  The most overused term that people use in relationships, and they use it fast, is ‘you’re my best friend.’

I love that.  There’s always a part in the relationship where you are under the influence of the new person. You come to the point where you have this romantic emotional moment, and you call each other your ‘best friend.’

It is a beautiful moment. You feel euphoric. You’ve found your best friend. Doesn’t matter who your real best friend is. I know you’re happy. You’ve found your best friend. And that to me is the beginning of the end. Most relationships don’t work. Sometimes, best friends turn into enemies.  This is what I was talking to a friend of mine about:

He was married. His best friend in the whole wide world. They were together seven years. They grew a lot together and experienced many things, as best friends do. Their communication broke down. I’ve had best friends for 30 or 40 years. The reason why they’re best friends is because we’ve never had communication breakdowns. Their communication broke down, and they couldn’t talk anymore. Then ended up breaking up. It ended as quickly as it started.

Have You Dated Your “Best Friend?”

As quickly as they were lovers and best friends, they became mortal enemies.  He said to me “You know it is sad. I would love to talk to her, but she never ever picks up the phone.

I said “Don’t worry about it, nobody picks up the phone anymore so don’t take that part personally.”

One of my best friends and I had a falling out. I don’t know why. We just didn’t talk that much for a long period of time. Now all of a sudden we hooked up again as friends. The old feelings were still there. The friend feelings were still there. The commonality was still there, being able to listen to one another, the beauty of the friendship was still there. Then we had an issue that developed between us, a business deal went bad.

We worked it out. I heard him, his point of view. He heard me. This was my money he lost. He kept telling me that he’s my friend, that he will take care of it. He will pay me back. Every time I got angry about it, and I did, he would listen.  He would not get defensive, he would be a friend.  That’s what friends do. Friends listen to each other, allow them to get out their frustration. Or allow them to communicate things wrong in the relationship. They do it without ego.

But it seems like in the other best friend relationships, the man/woman kind, they’re not really each others best friends. We’re lovers, we’re partners. Whoever we might be. We’re rarely best friends. When conflict comes up, one ‘best friend’ will get angry and defensive and not allow the other ‘best friend’ to communicate. When a relationship ends, you don’t treat the person like a best friend. You treat them like they don’t exist. You’re mean to them.

I think the term ‘best friend’ in love relationships is over valued.  I disagree with it.  I think you’re lovers.  I think you’re partners. I think some people are lucky enough to really marry and be with their best friends. As a matter of fact, I was at a friend’s house the other day, and I watched him and his wife get along. The way they negotiated through the daily doses of conflict that occur when you have two kids. I watched them support and honor each other. I watched her get uptight, and he handled it as a best friend could. With humor, love, and support. They were truly best friends. It was beautiful to see.

The rest of us have got to be careful with that term. Your best friend is there for you no matter what. Your best friend listens to you, no matter what.  Your best friend is open. Your best friend is someone who allows you to speak freely.  Your best friend is someone who respects you and honors your opinion. Your best friend communicates with you and works through conflict.  Your best friend doesn’t remember things that happened seven, eight, nine months ago and hold it against you.

Be careful who you make your best friend next.  I’ve got a couple of best friends. I would never pull the shit that’s pulled in my love relationships, with them. I love my best friends. They’re all amazing people. We listen to each other. We honor one another. We respect one another. And we all give each other the space that’s needed to heal and to communicate.