You’re Not Bothering Them By David Wygant

I was with a friend of mine the other day who was in town visiting, and he said to me “I actually do see women I’m attracted to, but when I do I don’t want to go over and bother them. She’s probably hit on all the time, so she would probably be annoyed that I’m walking over to talk to her.”

So I looked at him (while keeping an eye on the road at the same time), and said “That’s your excuse! That’s your fear making you feel okay about not trying to go over there and talk to her. That is the way that you protect yourself from being rejected. You figure by not going over and talking to her, and by making up an excuse for her, you can rationalize in your head that it was not the time to go over and talk to her. This excuse makes you feel better.”

So he looked at me (because he didn’t have to keep his eyes on the road), and said “So you’re telling me that women would be up for speaking with me?”

Now I really looked at him hard, gave the wheel of the car to my dog (who is trained to do this by the way), and I said “You already know that. We’ve had this discussion over and over again. You just refuse to try.”

I then proceeded to tell him “I can give you all the tools. I can even teach you the approach. What I can’t do is hold your hand and bring you over to the woman.”

There comes a point when studying this stuff is not enough . . . you have got to start trying to do it.

My friend is not alone. I have found a lot of people who suffer from approach anxiety. The number one excuse I hear from people as to why they are so anxious about the approach, is that they think that they are bothering somebody.

Unless you’re a mind reader and you can predict the future, then you have no idea what somebody would be thinking if you walked over and talked to them. Granted, there are some things you can look for to see if someone is open to a conversation.

• Are they smiling at you?
• Are they lingering next to you in a supermarket aisle?
• Do they look over at you while standing next to you in line at Starbucks?

Those are some obvious ones. The truth is that the complaint I hear most often from women who are super hot and sexy (and remember “super hot and sexy” is whatever type of woman you’re attracted to), is that men just do not approach.

A lot of times women don’t know how to make themselves approachable. They do not use any of the above tips.

When I am coaching someone, whether it’s in one of my bootcamps or one-on-one, I always teach people to be friendly to everybody. If you are friendly to everybody, then people will start noticing you and they will want to start talking to you.

Recently while I was doing a bootcamp with several guys, I was talking to this old lady at the farmer’s market. Three women were walking in our direction, and my students were getting antsy because they did not want to waste time talking to the old lady. The old lady prepared to leave just as the three ladies approached where we were, and as she left the old lady gave one of my students a hug, thanked us, and told us to have a nice day.

Immediately one of my students said “We just blew it with those three girls!” And I said, “I’ll bet you what you paid for my bootcamp that they will all turn around, stop, and want to talk to us.” Immediately every one of my bootcamp students smiled and shook my hand . . . which is all part of what I wanted to do to create energy in the first place.

The women took five more steps, then turned around, stopped, and they all smiled directly at us. So why did this happen?

This happened because women not only want to be approached, they want to talk to the people with good energy. When the little old lady (who really was senile, but who was pretty cute in her senility) hugged my friend, that triggered a warm emotional response in those women who walked by us.

The bottom line is this: By creating good energy and talking to everyone wherever you go, you will have people wanting and desiring to talk to you.

You can literally combat your own fears about approach anxiety. You need to realize that by being friendly to somebody and approaching a woman based on the power of observation, you will start to realize that you can approach everybody as long as it is not done with a cheesy pick-up line.

For those of you who want to learn more, click here to check out the Mastery Series. For the rest of you, we will talk more about this in another blog another day.