“Am I in love with him, or is it something else? No man has ever made me feel this way before. Surely this is the real thing?”

This is a question I’m asked quite a bit by men and women. How do you know the difference between love and infatuation? How can you tell if these intense feelings you have for a guy are genuine, or whether you’re just under the spell of oxytocin. It’s an interesting question too, because in many ways, the feelings are quite similar. You meet someone new, he makes you feel amazing, you can’t stop thinking about him, and you can’t wait until the next time you see him.

For weeks you can’t stop talking about him, or telling your friends how you think he “could be the one” or how he’s different to all the other men you’ve been with before. He’s the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think of when you go to sleep. When you see him you feel amazing and your stomach does a hundred backflips.

Surely that must be love right?


Are You In Love With Him Or Your Fantasy Of Him

Don’t get me wrong, I love those feelings of infatuation you get when you meet someone new. It’s fresh, it’s exciting, and you feel like you’re on this amazing rollercoaster of emotions, but stop for one moment and think, what do you actually know about this guy? How deeply have you truly connected with him? How well do you know him? Have you experienced him at his worst yet? Have you dealt with him after he’s let you down in some way? Have you had any serious relationship challenges to go through yet?

Because, until you’ve really taken the time to get to know and connect with a man deeply, you can’t be certain you’re in love. Love can only happen once you’ve connected, and once you’ve experienced the real essence of what he’s all about. The rest is just your big Disney fantasy. You’ve met a great guy, who on the surface appears to tick all your boxes. He’s everything you want in a man, and it all seems so perfect. I bet you’ve already imagined how he’s going to propose to you. You see, when you’re infatuated with someone you forward pace in your own mind.

You imagine how life would be with them. You imagine your perfect day with them by your side. But the key word here is imagine. Until you’ve experienced it for real, it’s only a thought in your mind. Like I say, there’s nothing wrong with infatuation, as long as you don’t mistake it for love and set yourself up for heartbreak. Take the time to get to know him for who he really is, and not for the prince you’d like him to be. That’s the only way to get to know a man properly, and it’s the only way to know for sure if you’re really in love.

In the video below I look more into love v infatuation, and give you a quick exercise to help you tell the difference between the two.