Dear David Letterman,

Put your penis back in your pants, start talking to your wife and stop communicating with the American public about all of this. The American public does not need to care about why you cheated or hear your public apology, because they’re going to judge you anyway. We live in a very judgmental society.

So, David Letterman, I enjoy your comedy but I couldn’t care less about where you stick your penis. The fact is that you and your wife have a lot to work on with your marriage and your relationship.

It’s time you and your wife took this behind the scenes. Then you should admit why you repeatedly cheated on her for the past 23 years with cubical production assistants.

Your Friend,

David Wygant

For the rest of you, why do you even care about David Letterman and where he puts his pecker? I don’t really care about David Letterman’s pecker.

I don’t even want to see it to tell you the truth, because it reminds me of something that I saw in my youth that scared the hell out of me. I was in my country club’s bathroom one time and I saw a 65 year-old guy with gray hair all over him — on his chest and on his balls that went down to his knees. I don’t really want to ever see old man penis again. At least I’ve been doing male Kegel exercises so I don’t have that problem.

So let’s talk about what’s really going on here and what cheating is to you. I truly believe that people cheat for a reason — whether it’s something emotional, lack of sex or just for the thrill of it.

Before I go deeper into how I feel about cheaters and what I think cheating is really all about, I’m going to tell you something important. If you are someone who has been cheated on over and over throughout your life, you need to look in the mirror because it has happened because of something you’re doing.

You need to listen to today’s podcast to find out exactly what that is, and what else I have to say on this topic of cheating. You’re going to be shocked at what I go over in this podcast.

It is absolutely going to blow you away, and what I tell you about cheaters is going to rock your world. What I tell you about David Letterman will make you think twice about your late night TV choices!

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