Recently on my blog, a reader posted a comment about one of my articles in which he questioned that I or anyone else could help him to be able to meet someone. He said he has tried “everything” to meet someone. He’s tried pick-up lines and routines. He’s tried what some term “natural game.” He said nothing he’s tried has worked.

Then he started listing some of the reasons why things aren’t working for him in his dating life. What every one of his “reasons” had in common, were that they were all excuses.

Worse yet, in his mind he perceives each of these to be unchangeable facts of life instead seeing them for what they really are: excuses he’s created so he doesn’t have to face his dating difficulties. So many people make these kind of excuses in order to feel justified in not putting themselves “out there” in the dating world, or to avoid having to face that they need to work on their confidence or conversation skills.

In this article, I am going to go through five of the biggest and most common excuses people make. All five of these excuses have one thing in common: They are all manifested inside your mind so you can justify not having to try, and to allow you to feel better about your unsatisfying dating life.

What all of you excuse-makers need to realize is that an amazing dating life is not just going to magically happen to you. Just with anything else you want to achieve in life, you’ve got to put work and effort into meeting people. Let me assure you that your doorbell is not going to ring one day and when you open the door your perfect mate will be standing there with a bottle of wine and takeout saying “I’ve been driving around the neighborhood for the last 15 years looking for your house and now I’ve finally found you!”

Here are five of the biggest and most common excuses people make about their dating lives, along with proactive ways to overcome those excuses so you will never allow yourself to buy into them again.

1. I Am A Victim Of Geography: I hear it every day from clients and readers, “David, there are no good men (or women) to meet where I live – and everyone I hang out with agrees with me.” Let me tell you, I hear this “and everyone I know agrees with me” validation for people’s excuses more than anything else. The old saying that ‘misery loves company’ has never been more apropos. People love to complain, and love even more to find others who will agree with their complaints. You need to go out there with a better attitude. The fact is that where you live has nothing to do with you remaining single. It’s your mindset and your belief system that are the problem, because there are great people to meet everywhere. I’ve worked with people all over the world and no matter where my clients reside I have always been able to show them how to meet great people where they live. It’s your mindset that is dictating your ability to meet someone where you live. If you truly believe that there is nobody great to meet where you live, there you’re 100% right and you will not find anyone great to meet where you live. So you need to develop a better attitude.

2. I Attract All The Wrong People: Another excuse I constantly hear from people is “David, the only people I seem to attract are the wrong people, and I can’t seem to do anything about it.” The truth is that you have the power to do something about it. The reason why you’re attracting the wrong people comes down to the way you go out there and meet people. Look at your life a little more deeply. Are you going to same places over and over again and always meeting the same type of people? Well that could be one of the reasons. Are you not making yourself available so it’s too much of a challenge for people to meet you? That could be another reason. When you go out on dates, do you tend to talk more about negative things than positive things? This can also bring the wrong people into your life. The list of questions like these can go on and on, but what’s important is that you stop thinking about the people that you are meeting and start thinking about how you’re meeting them. Start thinking about how you can change your life. In order to meet different people than you’ve been meeting, you need to change your life immediately.

3. I Don’t Have Time: If you don’t have time to meet someone, then you’re not going to meet someone. If you truly want to meet someone, you need to make time to do it. It’s really that simple. As I mentioned above, your perfect person is not just going to show up on your doorstep one day. You need to be willing to put some effort into meeting people. In fact, you need to put time into it every day if you want that to actually happen. This is something I tell all my clients all the time. Fifteen minutes a day devoted to going out there and meeting new people is all you need. Try setting goals for yourself if that helps you. Tell yourself “I’m going to talk to four new people today” or something like that. Whatever your goal is, though, you need to make yourself reach it every day. People aren’t just going to start coming over and approaching you. You’ve got to make it happen. You’ve got to make the time. If you’re not willing to make the time to meet someone, then you’re right when you say you will not meet someone. I know you’re busy. We’re all busy. Just remember that this is YOUR life, and only you can make your life happen for you.

4. I Can’t Meet Anyone Until … : Some people’s excuses, while phrased less negatively than others, are just as bad in terms of preventing them from facing their dating issues. My favorite one of these is the “as soon as” person. These people are everywhere. You’ve heard them, and I certainly have heard them. “David, as soon as I lose weight I’ll go out and talk to people.” There are a million other phrases that could be filled in after the “as soon as” part of that sentence: as soon as I get back in the gym … as soon as I finish this big project at work … as soon as I go on this new diet … as soon as my kids get older … I could go on and on for days with examples, but you get the idea. When you start using “as soon as” excuses, you become the person who truly believes that life is going to change the second you accomplish other things. You’ve got to start doing this now, because life is all about being in the moment and living in the now. You need to totally get rid of the mindset that you will somehow be magically ready to meet someone “as soon as” you accomplish some other thing. Life is not about scheduling things like this and putting them on a timetable. Once again this all about your attitude and mindset. You’ve got to be open to meeting someone all the time.

5. Only Losers Do Online Dating: I hear many people who have never tried online dating tell me “I don’t want to do online dating. Online dating is for losers.” This is a ridiculous statement. There are millions upon millions of people dating online. A client of mine once said to me “David, I don’t want to put my picture on my online dating profile because someone I know might see it and then they’ll know I’m doing online dating.” Let’s put aside the fact that if someone sees your online profile, it likely means they themselves are doing online dating. Here again, there is an attitude problem at work. You need to change the way you see things. If someone has seen you online, then if they see you in real life they can walk over to you and say “Did I see you on Yahoo! Personals the other day? I didn’t know you were single.” You’ve got to tell people you’re single and, more importantly, you need to stop feeling like there is something wrong with being single. Going online is making an announcement to the world that “Yes, I’m single, I’m open and I want to meet someone.” You can’t just stay in your house and do absolutely nothing. While online dating may not be for everyone, you need to stay open and take action to improve your dating life.

In order to meet great people, you’ve got to decide to be proactive and do all these things. So get rid of the excuses, get rid of the fears, and start meeting great people.

If you have another excuse that I haven’t mentioned here, email it to me because I want to hear it. That way, the next time I write an article about excuses I can be sure to address it.