What if I’m standing there talking to a woman and I run out of things to say?
What if we start talking and then the conversation starts to die out and and I can’t think of anything to say?
Let me ask you a question.
Do you get along with every single guy you meet?
Is there ever a dude you meet that you just have nothing to talk to him about?
Aren’t there some guys in your extended circle of friends/acquaintincess that you really just don’t get along with them at all and really don’t want to talk to?
Then why is it different with women?
It’s not.
You don’t need to learn how to talk to women.
You run out of things to say to people you have no common interests with.
You run out of things to say when you have no chemistry with somebody.
You run out of things to say when you meet somebody who’s boring.
Why do you assume that the woman you’re speaking with is so exciting? Maybe she’s the one who’s boring.
Maybe she’s the one who’s running out of things to say because she’s so boring.
Here’s the deal:
You want to be the guy that’s really interesting?
You want to be the guy who’s more interesting that anybody else so you can lose this run out of things to say mindset?
I strongly suggest you check this out:
I used to worry about this until I started talking to more women. Although I found them attractive many of them turned out not to be that interesting. I realized a lot of women get into relationship based on looks and never really develop a personality to match.
More than likely, woman are after a fat wallet than looks. I don’t think that all women are like that but I do know a lot. and then they complaint that their emotionals needs aren’t being met?!
There’s also nothing wrong with silence. You just have to recognize when it’s good silence and when it’s bad silence.
Yes, I agree – sometimes you’re just so flippin nervous that there are long silent moments.
Yes this came to my mind too…I like silences especially in person..I feel it is a nervous habit especially for us ladies to fill all blank moments with words to cover nervousness…When we should all just..be..and be our authentic selves..
I have an announcement to make. Today, for the very first time, I got my dinner at Whole Foods.
Have I taken the first step down the road to David Wygant-levels of success? Who knows? After all, I didn’t spend my time talking to any women other than the cashier, as I was in there with a girl.
Maybe I should have asked her how the tuna was anyways…
Well not eating in your home by yourself IS a step I would think haha.
I myself had a big moment today as I got a phone number! butttt she has a boyfriend, oh well, I’ve planted the seed. Plus I know she was into me, she was so nervous she was shaking as we were talking.
Right now, you’re eating at wholefoods is just the start is what I think! You should have talked to the cashier. I talked to an older women simply for the fact that there was a very cute girl besides her. When we crossed paths, said cute girl and I’s eyes met and we cracked a smile. Little moments like that are making like awesome. Life is just starting to get better my friend!
JR, that’s too bad to hear that she has a boyfriend but like Dave always says, don’t dismiss them.
You never know where she is in her life – she might secretly want to break up with him.
Kudos to you and to Colin for getting out of your safety zone.
I run a Meetup group and I met a new member a couple of weekends ago who I couldn’t get conversation out of if my life depended upon it–it was like pulling teeth. I did my best to ask questions and draw her into conversations…maybe she was shy, but the bottom line is, she isn’t someone I would hang out with outside of the group, and I have made friends through the group that I do make plans with outside of the Meetup calendar. This is why I don’t understand when some dating experts try to tell you that chemistry doesn’t matter. Chemistry is a big component of any relationship, whether it be work related, friendship related, family related or romantic partner related.
Yes, interesting Pam.. I actually see it as some people are more “easy” to connect to than others..
That girl seemed closed up and shy so it will be harder for her to make friends and connect…
I feel like the more open our hearts are and open minded people are the more you can be open to connecting with all people, friends, relationships, coworkers…
Nathalie–truth be told she kind of came across to me as a bitch, LOL. She was married and had emailed me the day of the event asking me if the other members were mostly single, married, divorced, etc. I told her that the majority of my members are single or divorced but that I often get a mix. So maybe she had unrealistic expectations or felt uncomfortable or something…the vibes coming off of her immediately seemed very standoffish.
LOL!! Oh ok yes I see now…Sounds like she had some unrealistic expectations then..and the vibe seems resentful..
I feel curious about what kind of meetup group you run? I have been browsing though some of them in my area for zumba..:-)
It’s just an all women’s meetup–we do everything from dining and cocktails to movies, concerts, outdoor events–you name it. Before anyone asks, I keep it women only because the men I’ve met in the local co-ed groups leave a lot to be desired. There are quite a bit, sadly, who have mental disabilities so they’re not exactly date material for professional women. I’ve also heard some scary stories about women in other groups being pestered/stalked by guys. Not everyone is like that but I just feel more comfortable keeping it all female.
That sounds awesome Pam..You just inspired me to check out ladies meetup groups in my area, wow there are so many, different age groups, interests..I feel like joining one now..:-)
I actually heard a lady joined a church meetup group and everyone was talking about board games lolol
Oh,I did actually just remember a story of a friend who met her boyfriend of almost a year now in a meetup group! If I remember correctly it was a group centered around spirituality or relationships I forget..
Silences can be great, especially that pregnant pause before the first kiss. That’s a magical time.
Other than that, I’ve found that I run out of things to say when I tried to think about what to say next instead of listening to the other person.
Pam, that is a great idea about the Meetup groups. And unfortunately I’ve heard the same thing from women about the men who attend meetups. Which means guys, that if you want to stand out in a “target rich environment” these meetup groups would be a great opportunity!
So true..I love those silences right before a kiss..so much non verbal communication can be used in the place of spoken words, a look, a touch, a kiss, a laugh…Feels magical..
Nathalie, that’s great about your friend. I do know of one couple who met and married through a Meetup group.
Dan, totally! These groups are a GREAT way for guys to come into contact with tons of single, attractive, personal women!
You’re right about the meetups, – the majority of the people attending these meetings are women.
Ha ha, that has been my experience too, Jen! I did go out with one guy I met in a hiking meetup (I asked him out.) He changed during the date from this seemingly easy going, happy guy to getting more and more cynical and negative about any topic I brought up as the date wore on. It was so weird. It’s not like I was bringing up anything controversial, just making observations. So I would say it’s hit or miss if you’re looking for dating material in meetups. I think the really niche groups focused on something specific like a business related topic, or tennis, etc. might give better results. The social ones often have the same members across the board.
Pam – I agree – the singles meetup group that I belong to seems to attract men that I wouldn’t even consider dating. Very needy, I guess is the best way to describe them.
However the travel meetup group that I belong to is fantastic. The men who attend are passionate about travelling so naturally, I have some great chats with them.
I always seem to meet someone when I’m not focused on it.
The fact that the sarcasm dripping from my most recent post was not immediately discernible makes me weep for the future of this blog.
Collin, most people reading this blog don’t know you, and as a general guideline, sarcasm comes across as negative, and usually repels any high quality males, or females…
(it may attract asocial intelligent ones, but they are in general not wanted…)
Sometimes silences happen when I have somewhere to go! I had this aid staring at me from a distance. She might be single just by the strange behavior she is producing…lol Usually I see the quick glances but she was doing some major staring. Is this what a female goes through all the time? lol
was she attractive? that was your ‘in’ mike!
Meetup groups are great but a lot of them people don’t show up and a lot of them are much older than I am, Most are 40-60 years old.
I went to a dating service a few years ago, the women who showed up, about half of them were hot! After talking to them for about an hour, I found them to be incredibly boring! No wonder they need a dating service, they aren’t bringing anything to the table other than their looks and a nice job. They weren’t funny, had no hobbies, had no passions, and a very monotone speaking voice.
I wonder if the service was “just lunch” I have female coworker/friends who was recently divorced and signed up with a dating service which was incredibly expensive (1,000$) and they set her up with 6 dates, in which none of the men matched at all what she was looking for..All older than her and horribly boring, and had none of the hobbies that they claimed to have on paper lol
After that she went speed dating, which was far cheaper and now she is dating someone she met there for 4 months now..:-)
I feel like meetup groups are more successful depending on the area and maybe if they have a specific hobby or theme it seems to draw more people….
Yes Natalie it was
It was $1400 big ones for 8 matches…Out of the 8 women I met, I got 4 phone numbers and I asked 7 of them for their numbers.
It was more of an ego thing at the time and I wanted to use them as practice to get used to asking women I just met for their number, After like 3 dates while using the service, I had a gut feeling this was all a mistake.
All the numbers I called went straight to voice mail except one who used a lame excuse about how it was a bad time to call and blah blah. One called me back to tell me “I didn’t feel we had anything in common and I didn’t feel any chemistry”
The last date I went on showed up 20 minutes late, sweaty carrying a book bag with sneakers hanging off and told me “I’m not going to order anything, I’m actually leaving after this drink” (she’s drinking a diet coke cause she’s “I’m on a diet”.
I got up and left her there.
Gave Just Lunch a big ear full. Multiple times.
Kevin- Ahh I thought it sounded familiar..
I can’t believe that place isn’t out of business or someone filed a lawsuit or something..
I really thought my friend should have complained more at the end..She literally had a date stand her up! With no word from the agency..She was literally sitting there all by herself and had to finally call them up, and Just Lunch was clueless as to what happened..what bad organization..
Like my friend, she thought it would be a good experience to get back into dating, as she hadn’t for years so she doesn’t regret it..
Lmao about that girl with the coke leaving right away some people are just too much..goodness
They were bad at returning phone calls. 6 months went by and they didn’t did to tell me they had another date for me, I called them and was like “Hello!??? ” A phone call would of been nice!!
The best part…The agency wanted to meet me in person so they set up a date at a restuarant about 40 minutes from my house, After fighting with 5pm traffic and wasting a 1/4 tank of gas @$3.00+ a gallon and missing my exit…
The Agency Stood me up!!!
I called them and literally screamed at them, I said I wasted 45 mins of my time and a 1/4 tank of gas to be stood up, this is fucking bullshit!!
All I got was a “sorry” no rescheduled meeting, nothing to make it up to me. I said “you had no problem cashing the check did ya?? I was soooo pissed! I demanded a refund over and over and yellin at these women over the phone lol I made myself into a problem client on purpose
Hey, they wanna pull this shit, they can deal with my other half.
Haha!! They deserved it! Nobody should put up with such a thing..paying that kind of money..what a disgrace..I have to tell my coworker about this..
I actually was curious and checked out the review for the NY area on yelp, omg so sad..and the funny part..there is 1 yes only 1 good review, obviously from a an employee or someone paid to say something good..aie yie yie
http://www.yelp.com/biz/its-just-lunch-new-york
Sounds like LunchDates, which was (or still is?) around in the Boston area. I had a coworker who dropped over $1,000 on it and then men she met sounded absolutely putrid. One guy was a professor at a local private high school and he told her he lived in the dorms with the students…talk about creepy and weird.
And Kevin, that’s another true observation about the Meetups…as an organizer I can tell you how frustrating it is when people are no shows. I also have a lot of older women in my group or at least, the ones who actually do show up tend to be older. The ones closer to my age tend not to RSVP yes as often.
what i often wonder, i wish David Wygant can give me an accurate answer, i wonder if the vast majority of guys, men, are naturally, instinctively born knowing how to talk to women? born knowing how to approach and talk to women, because i often wonder to myself “you either have it or you don’t”, is genetics a role in this?
really, it seems most guys are born knowing how to approach and talk to women