I Need Your Advice
Happy Monday!!!
How was everyone’s weekend?
Mine was great, My Fantasy football team continues its march towards the playoffs and I had a very interesting date yesterday.
But enough about me.
I need your help and today is a great day for all the quiet ones to speak up.
Next week I am going to do a video coaching series and I want to answer all of your questions in this new and exciting product.
So if you could ask me one thing what would it be?
What skill in your dating life do you want to become better at?
What is the one thing that still seems to be hard for you to do?
Lets hear from all of you today!!
I want to make this product the best product that I have ever done and I want it to be all about you my readers.
Have a great Monday and enjoy the video from today it goes over how not to be needy when speaking to a woman.
November 12th, 2007 at 3:48 pm
Hey David,
I want to see you how you walk over to a woman you are attracted to, just to see your body language and that slice smile
Energy/power management - where do you take all that energy??
Have a great one. Stubby
November 12th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
Although I’m sure some women would take offense to using your dog as a demostration of how to train women to follow…I’m sure that most of your readers know you well enough to know that it was just a demo, and that you were really refering to women wanting to follow (on their own free will) a strong man that is confident and willing to walk away.
Great speech that day by the way, the socallair members really apperciated you coming.
November 12th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
hey Johnny
Yes i used my dog in the video to show that having a sense of humor is needed when trying to meet people.
It is all about the journey and being a leader when meeting women.
Thanks for having me speak last week….I had a great time and really enjoyed meeting all the guys.
As for Daphne…she had fun as well and sometimes she ignores my commands and does not want to follow:)
November 12th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
How do you respond to that age old question, How many men have you slept with?
I didn’t know I was supposed to count. I hate this question. Its a no win either way you answer it. If I say a very few, I’m lying. If I say, a whole bunch I’m a slut. If I say, that’s awfully personal, or I don’t feel like answering that question, then I’m hiding the fact that I’m a slut. It would never occur to me to ask a man this question. Mostly because I don’t care. If he ends up being an important person in my life, I still don’t care. The important thing is that I will be the last one he’s slept with and continued to sleep with.
I’ve often thought about answering it like this:
I am an ethical slut. If it weren’t for women like me your hand would be awfully busy, or you’d be into guys. The trouble is that seems a bit caustic. Oh how I hate that stupid ass question.
I’m sure I have others its just that this one is annoying me the most at the moment.
November 12th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
David — These are all speaking just for myself, but I would like to know more about all of these topics:
1. Excluding a date situation, what are the signs that a man you see in the store, at the bank, in the coffee house, etc finds you attractive and would be receptive to your smile or hello?
2. Are there any “low pressure” yet effective ways for a shy person to show interest in a guy?
Thanks David!! Great idea … and thanks for polling your readers on this
November 12th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
Bertie,
From one gal who has had more then a handful of men to another, the best way to answer that is to not answer at all.
That question shouldn’t be coming up if he is a man who is confident with himself and his sexuality. They tend to not give a shit. They also know, that they don’t want to know the answer. So, I’d take that as a cue that the guy who does ask that question may be someone not worth dating.
Even though I am not an advocate for lying, in this scenario it’s the only way to go…. The best answer to give since you have been married is: “Well, I’ve had a couple a long term boyfriends before I was married and then I was married for x amount of years. There have been a couple of boyfriends since my divorce. So, it’s far to say that I have had more then one lover”….. That answers their question without giving a number. If they hound you for an answer then with a sexy smile just say, “next question”. They will get the hint that you won’t give a number.
What can I say, stupid guys ask stupid questions. BTW, having had multiple lovers doesn’t make you a slut if it is spread it out through the years. If it is multiple lovers in a 12 month calendar year, then you may want to evaluate your life and seek out why you are sleeping with so many men.
S
November 12th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
Hi David
I’d like to hear you discuss more about what men like … in the bedroom (Did I put that diplomatically enough?!
)
November 12th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
David, You talk a lot about confidence and good energy. I’d like to hear more about how you get (or fake) these things if you lack them. Thanks!!!
November 12th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Well, Shannon, I know why there’s been more than one in the last year….
November 12th, 2007 at 6:51 pm
David,
I just got an idea.
How do you (as an experienced dater/lover) describe amazing sex? What does that mean from your point of view?
It might be actually a great blog to see the responses of the others…
November 12th, 2007 at 6:54 pm
Bertie,
Ok, more then one this year isn’t something to worry about, but if it’s more then 3 then I’d worry.
November 12th, 2007 at 7:03 pm
Shannon,
Why is the magic number three? I mean, I don’t think it really matters how many for either sex. Just playing a numbers game, what about six? A month or so of dating to get to know them, a month enjoying each other….then things wane for whatever reason. Now that does not seem inconceivable to me. I just don’t see it as being very important, and I much rather have lovers or booty calls even than have to play with my toy.
November 12th, 2007 at 8:51 pm
How do I draw men in?
I’m not gorgeous, I’m cute at best and a little overweight (which I’m working on changing). So, how do I get a man’s attention in a positive way and make him want to get to know me.
I’m pretty confident in who I am (plus I’m amazing in bed and I give the greatest BJ you’ve ever had), but most guys only care what I look like.
Am I screwed (And not in the good way) because I’m not a supermodel?
November 12th, 2007 at 9:35 pm
Hello David,
I’m sorry if this is long, but it will tie into the feedback you’re seeking, I promise. I need advice and want to know if this is a case of “he’s just not that into you”. I’m obsessed with a man at work. There are a lot of things that separate us socially, economically, culturally. Socially, we are on different levels: he’s an attorney, I’m a secretary. He’s white, I’m black. This man is smart, successful and smoking hot with a fantastic, outgoing personality. He’s approachable and, believe it or not, NICE. Women love him.
We bumped into one another a few times in the halls and in the lobby when we worked on different floors (I caught him staring at me out of the corner of my eye but he looked away as soon as I made eye contact). Now, we work on the same floor (but in different departments) and see more of each other. I always catch him staring me down. His face lights up when he sees me, he makes pronounced eye contact and smiles at me (and of course, it was reciprocated on my part).
This went on for a few weeks and I guess I was anxious (desperate?) to let him know that I was open for taking this further, fully aware of the risks of office-romance-gone-wrong. I complemented him on his looks and appearance (twice, in a casual way) and he was all smiles, blushing and appreciative and both times he said thank you.
Nothing after that. Now I’m confused. Did I make a mistake by making the first move? Do you think I caught him off guard? At first I thought that it didn’t go further because he’s married (found out he’s not married and I didn’t know his marriage status at the time but there was no ring on his finger), then I thought it was because he’s dating or involved (I caught wind of a conversation that he had with one of his colleagues where he said he was on the market and feeling women out). He just stares and looks smitten but that’s it! Is this just a sophisticated version of flirting? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with single adults who aren’t legally committed to engage in flirting, but damn it, I want him so bad! And he isn’t biting. Why the confusing signals?
Is it because he’s considered professional class and I’m not and that may be taboo? Is it because I’m black? Both? Is he afraid of “going there” with a black woman and doesn’t have the balls to just say it? Outside of marriage (he’s not) or a significant other (he’s on the market), what else could be the reason why a totally outgoing man who’s rarely at a loss for words (he’s a lawyer!) who smiles and stares and basically undresses me with his eyes be so damn hesitant?
I have run into this a few times in the work place, where men who don’t have much contact with women of color outside the workplace seem interested but extremely uncomfortable with dating a women outside of their race. I understand WHY, in that people tend to be more “comfortable” around members of our own race, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating.
I wish you would give a seminar on urging men who are open to having relationships with black women (in particular) to be upfront and honest and lose the forbidden fruit/look-but-don’t-touch vibe. It’s totally frustrating.
November 12th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
“What is the one thing that still seems to be hard for you to do?”
Confidence. The courage to go after what I want. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I was born and raised in another country. I don
November 12th, 2007 at 10:58 pm
It’s more a life question but dating basically starts here:
“Defining/knowing who you are” - how long did it take, what did it take?
November 12th, 2007 at 11:26 pm
Same thing with me about confidence jess, and if you have an accent thats usually a plus, at least with me it is. Anyways, David I met an amazing girl randomly through a friend on facebook. This was two weeks ago, and i started reading your stuff a few days later. We have this amazing connection, and have the most chemistry that I’ve ever felt with a girl. We have only talked online, and live about 45 minutes away.
It’s only a matter of time before we meet, possibly this weekend. Since we have such a good rapport I think it will be OK, i just really don’t want to mess this up. What advice do you have on meeting her, things to do, not to do, where to go, anything that might help me. Thanks for everything you do.
November 13th, 2007 at 12:01 am
your advice in thse blogs and all the archived blogs have been so great for me. never knew that it was actually as easy as just communicating effectively and confidently go figure… well anyways i have been pretty successful going out on quite a few dates with different people lately and you go over a lot of entrance startegies what about on good ways to break off relationships copesetically so no feelings are hurt or good ways to make an exit when just casually dating.. im out of a long long relationship so not really looking to commit unless i find some ne that just knocks me off my feet.. nb.
November 13th, 2007 at 1:10 am
David, in the past, you have done situations and what not, and i really like those. I think it really helps learn the process of approcahing women, because than with your situation you can compromise with so many other ways. I would like it if you put more situations. Ex. your out with your buddies, going to see a movie, maybe there is a group of girls. you know? what do u say? its a lot different than apporaching a women at for example, a clothing store like you have talked about. You wanted to know what your readers want, you got it!
November 13th, 2007 at 1:48 am
Hey David, love your style, and I appreciate your emphasis on using your own personality not canned lines. I’ve been involved in the pick up community for around two months now. I’ve taken a workshop and read a lot of material on the subject and self help in general. I have found that I am quite good at talking with women(and people for that matter), my success at opening them is around 95%, I can keep their interst and I can sense attraction with many of them as well. But I have trouble transitioning to the next level. I do playful touching and all that and I recieve it, I just have trouble moving into or guiding her into a more intimate connection like kissing or something even more intimate. Do you have any advice for me on how to gage how far I can take things when I’m involved in a pick up?
November 13th, 2007 at 3:00 am
with regard to the girls and the number of lovers question–
i think that if you are living your life with integrity, then you won’t want to hide your actions.
why do you seek the approval of someone who doesn’t agree with your morality?
a woman who have casual sex is not a match for me– but there are certainly a zillion matches for her out there.
– and i certainly would not make a good match for a woman who enjoys casual sex.
we all have core values
– and deal-breakers, one of which should be repeated dishonesty.
November 13th, 2007 at 3:02 am
missed the typo–
a woman who HAS…
November 13th, 2007 at 12:30 pm
i only have two things i’d like to see,like some of the others people on here, i’d like to see more on body language.
two, I like to how to get certain people to come out of there shell,shy or what notl, when you talk to them.
November 13th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
kevin— Be careful. Online chemistry can be an illusion. Physical and actual live interpersonal chemistry can be totally different things.
The reason I’m mentioning this is not to say that you WON’T like this girl when you finally do meet her…. hopefully it will be great. But by building it up as such a big deal ahead of time you risk sabotaging yourself. You want to meet her as calm, relaxed, maintaining your edge, and from a perspective of having an abundance of quality women in your life. If you do that, you won’t mess it up. That doesn’t mean it will work out, but you will know you did everything you could have.
November 13th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
As for what I’d like to see more of— inspiring approaches and cool “outside the box” stuff like the tick tack toe game (not so much to copy exactly but to give fuel for my own ideas). Also, more advice on flirting and escalating to the more personal and intimate levels after you’ve engaged them is always good.
November 13th, 2007 at 2:19 pm
2 Questions -
1. What to do at a wedding, when the girl to your left is quite chatty, but the girl of interest, to the left of ms. chatty, is friendly, but drowned out by ms. chatty. everyone is eating, so it’s tough to move things to another location.
2. What’s the best way to approach eye contact, when you’re walking down the sidewalk and see a cutie approaching 100 yards away? 35 seconds of eye contact seem a bit much– however, avoiding her gaze doesn’t seem great either.
November 13th, 2007 at 3:50 pm
Very good point dave, thanks for the advice.
November 13th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
Nia: Sexual Harrassment LawSuit comes to mind as a reason preventing him from acting on anything while the two of you are at the same firm.
What are your firms policies on dating co-workers? Clients? While it may be that the two of you are mature adults who can handle things should they go wrong, that doesn’t mean everyone is. It seems like he has good work boundaries by not dating you.
—-
Bertie: Good question re what number to say. I tend to agree with Shannon a man who is confident won’t ask. I always tell the truth, and a guy who had asked, ended up cheating on me, one of his reasons? I had had more partners than he did and he wanted to “even the score”. Um, what? Since when is dating football?
I also tend to agree with JR.
November 13th, 2007 at 4:02 pm
* always tell the truth when asked by a partner or potential partner. For everyone else, it isn’t any of their business. (I think it is a partner’s business because they need accurate information to make the best decision for themselves, and if they care about that stuff because it is important to their decisions about their life and risk management they deserve to knw the truth.)
November 13th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Hi Lexi, you’re right re: sexual harassment suits. And I hadn’t thought about the whole office gossip thing and how that can get out of control too. I guess I should just listen to people who say avoid office romance, if possible. Thanks for the feedback.
November 13th, 2007 at 6:19 pm
Bertie-
It’s really none of anyone’s businesss but your own how many men you’ve had sex with. For someone to push the question is extremely rude - and should be considered disrespectful and offensive. I’ve never asked it of a woman and don’t really want the details. Where people get the ideas they should tell is beyond my understanding. Wherever did this notion come from that if you sleep with someone that that person has a right and you have an obligation and responsibility to enform them of your sexual history? Would it include what positions you’ve tried with each partner? Oral vs. genital? Whether you’ve had a threesome? Group sex? What about the number of times you’ve perhaps had some type of STD’s?
And what does this have to do with truth-telling? We don’t have to answer every question we are asked. We are no longer having to answer to Mommy and Daddy. And even when they were asking the questions, we still had a right to keep our privacy private… even if our parents and other authorities claimed otherwise. For truth-telling with sexual partners, I think politely saying, “The number of sexual partners I’ve had isn’t something I want to discuss until I’m more comfortable with that discussion,” is a reasonable response. That is truth-telling. That comfort level with that person may never come. I, and we, have a right to our privacy regardless of the relationships we have with others. There are some things that are simply no one’s business but our own. We have a right to respect our need for privacy and we need have our privacy respected. If we wish to share it, it is our call. Or, in this case, yours.
As to being an ethical slut, I think of the question of someone asking about the number of sexual partner’s edging on slutty. If we don’t establish our own standards of privacy, and honor those standards, we aren’t really being responsible to our needs for that privacy. That’s when we’re being sluts.
November 13th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
Nia-
You are sooo cute! It does sound you’re being way too much in your head about this guy. As to Lexi’s sexual harassment concern, that may or may not be relevant. Check your company policy. I find it hard to imagine that if you aren’t directly working together there would be a problem. Well, on second thought… lol. It sounds like he IS into you! Your social, economic, and cultural differences sound a bit on the lame side, kiddo! Excuses, excuses, excuses!
“Women love him.” It might be why he’s not hitting on you. If he’s always had women “loving him,” there’s a very real possibility he just isn’t used to making approaches so if you want to move forward with him, YOU very well might have to make the move. It would be good practice for you! hehe
“I want him so bad! And he isn
November 14th, 2007 at 12:59 am
David-
For your question, I guess I could answer that: )) Part of Sam’s question fits me to a tee. “I am quite good at talking with women (and people for that matter), my success at opening them is around 95%, I can keep their interst and I can sense attraction with many of them as well. But I have trouble transitioning to the next level.” That transitioning issue for me is simply going from a friendly chit-chat whether at the store or meeting someone on the street or wherever and getting to “let’s get together again.”
November 14th, 2007 at 2:00 am
Well I can’t accurately answer the question. The fact is I only remember one prior to my ex-husband, my ex, and the few friends that I have slept with since. Now I know there was more than just one before I was married, but I didn’t count. Now what I’d like to say is, why do you ask? Are you that insecure? I was monogamous from age 19 to age 40. Is that long enough for you? Why are you a double standard prick? Those are the things I’d like to say. You can’t exactly say those things on a date. I’m not looking for anyone’s approval, I don’t want someone who would judge me based on that, but it seems impolite to get up and walk away.
November 14th, 2007 at 2:08 am
to bertie,
I can see how that question can be annoying…
November 14th, 2007 at 3:11 am
I have proof that I’m risk free that I’d be happy to show anyone if that were really the point, but it never seems to be. As for the have I ever had a social disease, no. I am much more at risk because of the type of work I perform rather than my personal life. In fact, I have way more exposure to strange diseases at work, but tell some man you’re a nurse and the next thing you know you’re knee deep in the “naughty nurse” discussion. Which I’ve also been asked in the same conversation, as how many have you been with? Usually earns them a “Yeah, I’m all about sexing you up while I’m saving your life…..”
November 14th, 2007 at 3:24 am
Bertie-
Then again, maybe he just wants to be sure you have as much experience as he does? If he’s a double standard prick, how about a “dignified” walkaway? That could be done politely, couldn’t it?
November 14th, 2007 at 3:29 am
It sounds like some of your dating partners could qualify as social diseases. Don’t envy your running into these guys.
November 14th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
I’ll stay on topic for the moment and for a change
I’ve asked this before and got zero response from David as well as nada from you other Gentlemen. And i really wanna know!!
Shall I be my usual to the point Self? Or ask my question in proper delicate fashion? hmmmmm …. ehhh .. what the hell.
TOPIC for David: ORAL SEX going down on a (my) Man … Verbal demonstration/s guidance instruction/s from the male audience ONLY please. I really don’t care how you other women do it, I want the info (how to, likes, dislikes, etc.) from a Man’s … ahhh … viewpoint.
Gentlemen, in advance, I thank you very much for your … err… input!!!
November 14th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
David, maybe this should be one of your Topics?
Numbers schumbers .. who should give a damn? Only those with little minds and are finger pointers living in glass houses even consider “how many have you had”. So bloody immature.
It isn’t how many men who’ve passed between a woman’s legs (or other orifices) or how many women a man’s penis has entered (regardless the orifices), that is important, that should be important. It’s the human being that is important. It doesn’t make me (or any other man or woman) any less or more of a compassionate nurturing human being if I’ve balled 1 or 10,000 men (exaggeration here with a splash of humor). It doesn’t make me any less or more intelligent (cept I might not have had to ask my question re administering oral sex) with 1 or uncountable numbers.
One in a lifetime or Xamounts in a lifetime .. what does it matter? I’m just not getting what is so ugly about lots of sex with lots of partners. SAFE SEX is another important component of this whole issue - having SAFE SEX.
SEX feels good. What’s wrong with feeling good?
This would be my response if male or female were dumb enough to ask me “how many have you had?”:
“Enough to know how and when to know better. And I’m always in class.”
November 14th, 2007 at 1:31 pm
Thank you for the quote Taleda, I might just use it if I keep running into the numbers men. On your other question, I usually just ask the one I’m with. I figure if I can’t talk to him about it, I probably shouldn’t be doing it with him. Then again that’s just my take on that situation.
November 14th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Hey Bertie,
I’ve been asked, believe me, by those ignorant enough to actually think it matters and is any of their business. The looks on their faces with my answer is comical and so worth being asked!!! The last part, about always being in class, is new addition cuz I’m newly single and for some reason (?????) really in the mood for learning. Every Body I meet and Every Thing I’m around these days seems to be a “lesson”; and I can’t seem to get my hands on enough books and read fast enough! Found several good libraries here in Sin City … gasp :O … yes really good libraries HERE.
Go figure and ain’t it GRAND!!!!!!!
Hey you wanna know something that was whispered to me the other day in Yoga class? Was told by a student of my Teacher (student of about 5 years) our Teacher used to be a showgirl and rumored pricey lady of the night to some “made” guys from back in the day. She’s like 65 or something but looks better than some 30 year olds. And her heart is like a deep pool of cool water. She’s the only reason I go to Yoga class cuz I prefer my own home practice. Being around her is such a wash of calm.
Anyways, have a lovely day Bertie and Every Body
November 14th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Shoot Taleda! I almost forgot, I’m going to be in Sin City at the end of the month….with my Mom, of all people. I’ve got to find something to do that she hasn’t done there….I mean other than clubs and such. She and my Aunt used to go every year, but since my Aunt died this summer, she’s now enlisting the next oldest female in the family. I was kinda hoping she’d skip over me and go for my sis, but I’m taking a different spin and trying to find some interesting trouble to get into.
Sorry about the OT you all…
November 14th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
Bertie,
Get ahold of me thru myspace … you know how! We’ll chat about this there.
NOW back on topic
!!
November 14th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
Nia, I think there may be a clever ice-breaker in there if you wanted to just find out once and for all what Mr. Lawyer is thinking. My hunch too is that he is probably wary of office romances, so why not address it directly, by saying something like, “So, where do you stand on romance in the workplace?” Or something like that–David could probably phrase it better. But since beating around the bush is only leading to frustration, and since you really have nothing to lose, I’d meet it head-on in some way.
David, the one question I have to ask is, So what? I mean, you give great advice (and probably other things too) about meeting people, getting women to open up, getting dates. But so what? It’s easy to blow someone’s mind with great sex when you are new to each other. But is that the be all and end all of your approach? What if Mr. Just-took-a-workshop gets a date with the shopkeeper of his dreams, and she wants to see him again, and he starts feeling like he needs to run for his life or he’ll be devoured? What do you have to say (or do you have anything to say) about longevity in relationships?
November 14th, 2007 at 8:43 pm
to bertie,
…go ahead and say what you need to say on a date….
November 14th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
Guys,
Be really honest and forthright with your answer to the question on: Why you ask how many men your date has slept with….and what would you do if she were totally honest and said 35 or more. What if she said 5?
Not one of you has yet to step up to the plate and answered what you think when you find out a potential girlfriend has had multiple sex partners.
Since I have a lot of male friends, I know what they think, but not all women have the luxury of having close male friends. So, you be their friend and tell it like it is.
November 14th, 2007 at 9:54 pm
EGO, both male and female. Each one wants to be the first, are we all supposed to be virgins? Why ask? You’ll just be disapointed.
November 14th, 2007 at 11:22 pm
Thank You Fred! Living proof wanders around every day that shows I’m not a virgin. If its really about your health, then ask if they’ve had an STD.
November 14th, 2007 at 11:42 pm
Shannon-
I’d like to know what your male friends say. Spit it out, will ya? And what age bracket are they? I’ve never cared. It’s none of my business. And same with whether they’ve had an STD, again, I don’t care… as long as they are clean now. As long as they are using safe sex practices now. I don’t have indiscriminate sex. Hopefully the women I do become involved with don’t either. Anyone over 25 these days, I assume they have had multiple partners. If they are over 40, they may have too many to count. That’s the 21st century.
November 15th, 2007 at 1:08 am
David: Men my age (60) are still horny old men, however, the female of the species the same age seem not so. The younger women (30’s-40’s) are busy with raising their yungins. What’s a horny old man to do? I can’t possibly compete with guys in their 20’s or 30’s!
November 15th, 2007 at 9:35 am
Okay, here’s my question for you, David.
How does a man “sweep a women off her feet”? What does that actually mean to a woman?
I hear women say that they meet plenty of guys but none of them “sweep her off her feet”. What is a women looking for when she says that?
November 15th, 2007 at 10:01 am
Fred … I hope David doesn’t mind if I interject here cuz I’m a woman and he’s not so may I please answer this? Thank you. First you are NOT an “old man”. You are seasoned, prime, with LOTS of experience and knowledge and even though I don’t know you, I bet you know how to use your package with consideralbe enthusiorgasm. Sooooo, I’m 53 and though my divorce DATE was 10/10/07 I’ve consider myself single … for hell, most here know my story, but I’ve felt single for YEARS. Needy greedy for the nasty? Oh baby!! You have NO idea!!!! LMAO!!!
With respect to your thoughts however, women my age may be experiencing lack of hormones - you know the kind that were driving us up and down the wall back in the day when you were a happy camper
That’s something they need recognize and see their Doctor or alternative healing person for a “fix”. I, myself, thank God do not have that particular problem. Just not enough studs my age or older than me that I am interested in …. hmmmm …. maybe we should chat offline about this further?? Let me know and I’ll tell you how.
Robb … go get yourself a romance novel (and don’t get all weird now) - one of the best in my opinion is Janet Daily (I’ve read all her books). Her historical romance novels are freaking AWESOME. Touch the Wind, Ride the Thunder, Night Way, and her Calder Series is unbelievable - that series starts in the late 1800’s and finishes in today’s times. You read one or two of those (the first three I mentioned) and you’ll get the idea of how to and what it means to “sweep a woman off her feet”. Here’s her website and you can find any of her books in Borders, Barnes & Noble etc. If nothing else, you will get a kick out of how a hot red blooded woman thinks and puts those thoughts to paper. ENJOY!!!
http://www.janetdailey.com/
Hope you forgive me David for jumping in.
Lovely day to all :X
November 15th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
I think you should could develop a product line on:
1. Escalation aka, transitioning from the casual/fun/flirtatious talk to kissing and more.
2. Date etiquette. Who pays? How does paying works if you are a college student, if you are someone wealthy… etc?
3. How to build chemistry? Yes… it’s best if you let things run naturally, but if you are a person who’s not very good at conversations, how do you “learn” to be a good conversationalist?
4. Body language and body language positioning… to teach men how to “maximize” their ability to create a connection.
November 15th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
Fred & Graham
Thank you for stepping up to the plate and answering the “how many” question.
You both gave the right answer. You don’t ask because you REALLY don’t want know. To me it’s kinda like the Armed Forces philosophy of “Don’t ask Don’t tell” If you ask, you may not like the answer so don’t even go there. If you are asked, don’t tell as the answer just may lead him/her to give you the boot.
Instead of wondering “how many”, pay attention to how you feel about your date on a mental level, which inevitably will lead to a physical connection and so on and so on…….. I also don’t believe the amount of partners you have makes you a better lover. I’ve been with men who I know have had multiple partners yet they weren’t the best I ever had. In fact, one of the best lovers I did have only slept with two other women before me. We ended up falling in love and had a great four years together.
Graham, I have tons of male friends ranging from the age their 20’s to 60’s. The consensus is that they don’t want to know how many partners she had before them because they want to believe (or pretend) that they are the only one their girl has been with. It’s a guy thing.
Personally, I don’t believe I’ve been asked that question since I was 23 or so. And if I was asked now as a 42 yr. old, I’d probably say “Does at least a handful work for you?”.
S
November 15th, 2007 at 5:28 pm
Thanks Shannon-
My take on the question of “how many,” is that if and when I’m told, I want it to be AFTER I’ve known her for a good while. Then it is something I’ve learned about someone who I “know” and it’s more of a “So, this is who you’ve become from all your life experience.” If it’s someone new, then it could be that I’m just another number: NEXT! Gross. I’ve run into women from 20 years ago who were on the wild side in their yooth; some develop into beautiful women, and others… “Thank GAWD, I didn’t chase after HER!”
Addressing your “they are the only one” aspect, in a sense that is true. With every woman I’ve been with, she is the only one (of her) that I’ve been with. And hopefully, I’m not just another number to her! It is OUR relationship. Why would I want to bring a boat load of guys from her past into my bed?
That could be an amusing way of answering the numbers question. “Do you want to go to bed with me, or me and all my previous partners? Because I only want to be with you.” or “Because I’m not inviting them.” Something like that. Say it in such a way so they know they may really only get the first choice!
November 15th, 2007 at 8:39 pm
Taleda, thanks for the input, yeah, would like to chat with you further on the subject, what, when, where, how?
November 15th, 2007 at 9:02 pm
Taleda,
You are oh so right about the Calder series. Those were the only romance novels I’ve read as an adult. Personally, you want something a bit more palatable for a man, read anyone of Clive Cussler’s Dirk Pitt novels. Now, you missed all the romance and a lot of intrigue in the movie Sahara, but that character knows about sweeping.
November 16th, 2007 at 2:36 am
Fred …. freedomhorse777@yahoo.com
Looking forward to it
November 16th, 2007 at 2:42 am
Bertie, I agree, somewhat. The male characters in Ms. Daily’s novels are, what was that song from long ago; “I’m a Man, I spell M A N MAN …” They had “it”. And Ms. Daily captured the essence of a woman “being swept off her feet” by those male characters.
Remember in the first book, out on the trail in that thunderstorm at night in the covered wagon, the woman (I think her name was Lorna) says to the man (I remember his name!!!), “Be wild with me Benteen.”
mmmmmmmm ….
November 16th, 2007 at 11:11 am
Do (some) women have unrealistic expectations of men because of the extremely romantised heroes in female romance novels?
Certainly, I had a girlfriend for a while who read many of those Harlequin type books. I got the feeling that she resented men in the real world, myself included, because they never lived up to the fictional men in her books.
Some women seem to think that this is how they deserve to be treated, based on romance novels, but few men have ever read such novels to know what is expected of them.
November 16th, 2007 at 11:34 am
Robb, Please don’t get the wrong idea or impression about my suggestion to you. Very true some women do live in a fantasy world 24/7/365 waiting and/or searching for a romance novel “type” to snatch them up and ride off into the sunset with them before throwing them down on the ground and having their way with the them.
I believe when an author or authoress writes such FICTION (not shouted here folks just in all caps for emphasis cus there isn’t a way to do italics), it is for the sake of fiction, fantasy, to transport the reader out of their reality into a world that is certainly not to be confused with reality. My goodness, the old West was hardly romantic - well maybe if one were of the minority and RICH!!! Reading history and biographies etc. gives one the truth of that era, I know I’ve spent the majority of my life doing so. And Victorian England? Oh YUCK!!!! Earlier than that era, double YUCK .. filthy dirty disease miserable conditions …. I’ll take modern day any day!!!
You asked about “sweeping a woman off her feet” what it meant. I was showing you where to go for examples of what that phrase might mean to some women … gallentry, honor, respect, protection, passion, loyalty, romance (sweeping me off my feet means all that to me btw). The intensity of passion need not include violent sex, and that odd generic plot theme: man woman meet man woman hate each other man rapes woman woman capitulates with virginal passion the first time and then man woman fall in love and live happily ever after.
Say WHAT????
But understand, I’ve written 1 complete romance novel myself and am near done with the 2nd … and honestly, aside from the historical validity and years of research that I poured into both, my own generic plot theme is as above!!! I understand all too well WHAT SELLS.
Women want some THING …. other than worry, stress, lack of money, work work work, bills, laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, screaming kids and a man who won’t fuck her like he’ll never see her again. And so they read these books and fall off into an abyss where men who don’t read this stuff don’t go. Therefore, the woman escapes and the man is left wondering, “now why don’t she pay attention to me?”
David, this is so off your topic and I am sorry for going off it, I hope you aren’t upset! :} kisses
November 16th, 2007 at 12:24 pm
Robb-
The author Warren Farrell, The Myth of Male Power, I think described it as female porn. It’s a female version of male objectification. Taleda’s: Therefore, the woman escapes and the man is left wondering,
November 16th, 2007 at 12:52 pm
Thanks for your insight, Taleda.
Can I perhaps say then that when women want to be “swept off their feet”, they’re actually looking for attention, intensity, passion and maybe some drama?
November 16th, 2007 at 12:57 pm
This is excellent Graham! Having never heard of Dr. Farrell (though I now know a bit about him having gone to his website prior to typing this) I shall be going today to the library to check out his books if there, and if not, to the bookstore to buy the above mentioned book because my interest/curiosity is now heightened. I gotta read this The Myth of Male Power - just looking at the chapter titles got me going. And I can’t help but wonder right this moment what the heck is a HB9 or HB10 …
So thank you Graham for this input and for stimulating my brain and curiosity. I likey that very much
November 16th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Robb,
I can’t speak for women, but I can speak for my Self; oh yes I want all that and more just not the drama which in my minds equals negativity (had way more than my share of that). Your clarification please on the word “drama” and what you mean by that.
The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines Drama (in a more theatrical definition) as: a: a composition in verse or prose intended to portray life or character or to tell a story usually involving conflicts and emotions through action and dialogue and typically designed for theatrical performance b: a state, situation, or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces.
This is a hard arena to really discuss the various types of intensities and passions capable between men and women but those “types” really belong (are owned) by each individual in the moment, you know what I mean? I feel that there is absolutely a time and place for every thing between two consenting adults. Operative word here: consenting.
David teaches us foremost two key ingredients: communication and chemistry. And not necessarily in that order.
November 16th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
Taleda-
I think he has an interesting perspective; at least one that is likely to give anyone a momentary pause in their judgment of the roles men play in our society. HB=Hard Body. It’s rating women on beauty. Men are more typically rated on success.
After Robbs, ” looking for attention, intensity, passion and maybe some drama” comment, I carefully re-read,
“…and that odd generic plot theme: man woman meet man woman hate each other man rapes woman woman capitulates with virginal passion the first time and then man woman fall in love and live happily ever after.
Say WHAT????
…my own generic plot theme is as above!!! I understand all too well WHAT SELLS.”
Wow, I mean, WOW!! But I’d guess, of course, the man better be damn well sure he is the *right* rapist? Gawd help him if she changes her mind a few hours later. But this probably never happens in gothic “true romance” novels? It’s saved for real life. Gulp! Sorry, Taleda… couldn’t let this one slide past. It’s the political beast in me coming out.
November 16th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
OMG … I’m acutally laughing Graham!! Not at you, with you
Of course what I wrote above is a generic PLOT THEME for most romance novels out there! Oh my goodness really … but honey my imagination is just as torrid and can be just as twisted as that. There are a couple of bloggers here who’ve read some chapter excerpts … if they wanna pipe in with their thoughts on my fantasy writing, please do so.
Everybody Please please do not take what I wrote above as real or my reality or what I want or whatever … it is all fictional fantasy writing. Go to any bookstore, library or grocery store for that matter, and check out the nearly endless selections of just the “steamy” titles; Flame and the Flower, Wolf and the Dove, Sweet Savage Love, Wicked Loving Lies, Lost Love Last Love, Bound by Desire, Dangerous Man, What Price Love, Come Love A Stranger … on and on and on. Covers usually depicting some Stud (Fabio has made his fortune being the male model for most of these covers) in outlaw, pirate or scoundral attire ravishing some falsely faint nearly naked damsel in torndress bent over his arm like a liquid contortionist.
The books range in softcover price from $6.99 on up to hardcover of $15.99 … the market is phenomenal and the steamier/ranchier/nastier the better.
You are absolutely correct: soft porn for women. Hey ya wanna know something else? Zalman King’s Red Shoe Diaries are unbelievably hot - and I mean just on the borderline silk thread of hard porn. His diaries have been cast with some of Hollywood’s most “glamorous” stars - male and female. Whew … you wanna curl up with some … errrr …. popcorn one night? Go rent some of those!!!! Forget the books!!
November 16th, 2007 at 3:08 pm
As I’ve already said, I don
November 16th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
uh oh … did i faux pas somewhere? not understand something yet again?
graham, in your last paragraph (beginning with Wow) i thought you were being, well certainly not serious.
rape? sex against a person’s will? nothing funny about that reality. nothing funny about it in fiction either, but as in reality, it does occur. in fiction it sells. in fiction they end up with each other. in reality one is scared for life and hopefully the other spends his time in prison getting proper Karma payback.
i certainly NEVER meant … shit … i don’t feel so good now. i’m gonna exit stage left and try to extricate both my feet from my mouth without evening knowing how they got in there. my apologies for any ugliness any of you thought i was promoting
November 16th, 2007 at 6:32 pm
Taleda,
hmmm…..its been so long since I read that series of books that I’d have to reread it, but yeah that sounds about right.
I still say that you find the larger than life romantic hero in Dirk Pitt, but then I’m much more an action adventure kinda chick anyway.
November 16th, 2007 at 9:25 pm
Taleda-
Did you get my yahoo email? No faux pas. I was giving a light touch to an issue with heavy and serious undertones. Certainly didn’t think you were promoting any uglinesses. Well, with Fabio, maybe he is the real life Oscar Wilde’s Picture of Dorian Gray?
November 16th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
…..romance novels are sometimes free at the library….sometimes at the smaller libraries…