How To Spot A Woman Who Fakes An Orgasm
July 10, 2007 
22 Comments
On occasion, I’m going to have a guest blogger write my blog. First I want to introduce you to my guest writer. Let’s call her “The Sultry Brunette.” She’s been following my blog from the beginning, and we had this long conversation about faking orgasms.
I’ve never been a proponent of women faking orgasms. Actually, if a woman doesn’t have an orgasm, that’s perfectly fine because then I can learn about her body and give her an orgasm the next time we have sex. The first time you have sex with someone it’s nerve-racking, so you cannot expect her to have an orgasm that first time.
The Sultry Brunette is going to explain to you how women fake orgasms. Because she has informed me that she is the queen of faking orgasms, she is going to tell you how to spot a woman faking an orgasm.
…
Thank you David for allowing me to be a guest on your blog! And thank you to all of you reading this for allowing me to step in for David today (I know he’s hard to replace!).
Yes, I do consider myself to be the queen of “faking it.” Although that may at first glance appear to be a dubious distinction, the ability to be a good faker is an art (and indeed even a little bit of a science) that is not easily mastered.
There are a few truths that cannot be ignored. If you ask most men whether a woman has “faked it” with them, the answer inevitably is “no.” This prompts me to ask all of you men: How do you know?? As Meg Ryan so accurately told Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally, “. . . All men are sure that it’s never happened to them, and most women at one time or another have done it, so you do the math.” Either somebody in this equation is lying, or there are women out there who, like me, have mastered the art of “faking it.”
So, if you accept as a truth that women are out there successfully faking orgasms and, quite possibly, faking them at least from time to time with you, how do tell when it’s happening? When is a moan really a moan? Or when is it a well-timed gesture during what is likely a very pleasurable, but just not orgasmic, experience?
Of course, some women fakers are easy to spot. If the woman you’re sleeping with puts on a performance that would put even the best porn starlet to shame, you are most likely in the company of a very obvious (and likely very vocal) faker. If her theatrical moans, screams, convulsive writhing and ten minute orgasm are fooling you, then learning to read the subtle signs of a woman faker is not your biggest problem.
A good faker can, without any of the aforementioned theatrics, successfully convince most men that she’s experiencing a fantastic orgasm without ever being “found out.” It’s all a matter of subtlety. So what does a good “fake” include? Well, in general, a good “faker” will put in well-timed responses to what you’re doing, i.e., she is always responsive to what you’re doing to her. When a man starts to get more excited during a sexual encounter, she will also appear to be increasingly excited. Her responses are always encouraging you.
As for the faking of the actual orgasm itself, the really successful fakers will never utilize any of the “porn indicators” of reaching one. Screams that can be heard by your entire apartment complex will never be part of the good faker’s repertoire. Again, subtlety is the order of the day.
The good faker will, usually in coordination with seeing that her partner is about to have his own orgasm, begin to show signs of reaching her own. First, she may breathe a little faster. Then she will lay her head back and shut her eyes, so as to indicate that she is also getting closer to reaching her orgasm. She will tense her abdominal muscles just slightly at first. When the man is either just about to reach his moment, or just after it begins to happen, the good faker puts in the finishing touch … she will usually tense her body, grab onto the man, and throw her head back on the pillow. Depending on the situation, position and the dynamic of your relationship, there may be some passionate kissing at this point as well. Then, when you’re in the post-cuddling position, some heavy breathing is always a good finishing touch. The exact maneuvers may vary, but this is pretty representative of the successful faker’s routine.
But, since a good faker will be difficult to differentiate from a non-faker, how can you spot one in action? There are a few tell-tale signs that will help you ferret them out:
1) If the woman you’re having sex with has an orgasm every time you have sex (or worse, claims to be having multiple orgasms every time you have sex), she has more than most likely faked it at least once.
2) If the woman you’re having sex with has an orgasm at the same time you do every time you have sex, then she more than most likely has faked it at least once.
3) Be on keen alert if when you ask a woman whether she had an orgasm, that she responds by either cuddling with you or kissing you instead of giving you a verbal response. Most women who fake it will not want to tell you she’s doing it, so she will try to avoid the conversation at all costs . . . so if you don’t get a straight answer, chances are she was faking it.
To the men, please remember that women who “fake it” do so because they do not want you to think they did not enjoy the sexual experience they had with you, and they don’t want to hurt your feelings. Men don’t understand that women can enjoy the overall sexual experience even if there’s no orgasm at the end of the rainbow. Maybe if more men followed David’s advice and told women that they are okay with knowing that a woman didn’t have an orgasm, fewer women would be “faking it.”
That’s all for now from The Sultry Brunette …
Wow!! I instantly thought of my past, and did I know for sure or not. Most women I date are very honest and tell me if they didn’t get “one” Regardless I will always pay more attention!!
Its all about being honest with women. Most women do not climax the very first time and if you have open communication she will not feel the need to fake it to please you.
Now maybe we should talk about how men can fake it. That would turn the tables on the women who dont do a thing to get us excited.
As a member of the class of “potential fakers”, I appreciate the honesty and openness shown by the Sultry Brunette. In my experience, some times honesty is called for…and other times, it’s just going to make a no-so-great situation worse!
And on the occasions I “may” have engaged in some degree of embellishment, it was always done because I cared deeply for the other person and didn’t want them to feel like the lack of an orgasm meant I didn’t have fun!!
What is so interesting is that women and men could avoid the faking issue if we were just comfortable enough to be honest about what we like and don’t like in the bedroom.
Men faking it….I am not sure a man can actually fake an orgasm or not…..I mean, there is some actual evidence of the event!
But, if a man isn’t reaching it, I always ask what I need to do to “aid the process.” I try to be very open about this.
It is just very strange to me that, in all of my life, I don’t think I have had a man ask me what he needed to do to make me have an orgasm. And, unfortunately (though I know better now) I have spent months with the same man, never having one and never even faking. Looking back, I guess he just did not care enough about the whole experience to make sure I was satisfied as well.
I hate to be “bashing” in any sort of way and I am sure there are wonderful lovers out there….just don’t think I have met any yet…and I am 32!
Jill you need to start finding men that are more evolved and want to learn how to please you.
The Geico caveman is such the norm. Men tend to care only about getting off. Though I must say that there is a large population of men who really want to please a woman we just need to help you find them.
As for faking it from a mans point of view. I was once so bored with this woman who just laid there like a corpse so instead of finishing i just faked it. Ohhs and ahhs can work both ways and she was not going to examine the condom after.
This woman was just bad in bed and I was all about ending it….though she did ask me if i enjoyed it as much as her.
My response to that is a whole other blog:)
This is sooo true, we don’t always reach and orgasm, but I don’t think we should fake anything. If your man knows your body he will do what it takes to take you there! If not, then he is self-centered and you really don’t need to be with someone like that. Appreciate yourself and they will also. It is too much work not to reach your “happy ending”.
JUICY STUFF! What did I miss gang? This is awesome! David are you going triple XXX on us? Good idea! I think we have all faked an orgasm, but there are ways around having to do that. If you are turned on and desire, you can ALWAYS have an orgasm. Some might not agree with that, but it is possible. Women especially, if the man is working hard at pleasing you, get invoved and help him out a little if need be. That turns men on anyway, just as the “Mutual masterbation and Me” pointed out. It is a turn on to see your partner pleasing themself, with or without more involvement. It is your orgasm that is at stake as well as his satisfaction. If people feel comfortable and free while in the act, there is nothing that should be embarrasing or awkward in the process of achieving dual delight! Good article sultry brunette. You are wonderfully honest. I am sure a lot of guys are going to more conscious after reading this, and that is not a bad thing. As for me, I refuse to fake it so I say MAKE it—happen! Wishing all sultry, steamy, satisfying,sensuous, sexual sensations! lol
“1) If the woman you
And here’s some practical advice from a pro:
You can tell a faker because the anal muscles contract in a orgasm and it’s REALLY hard to MAKE that happen if you are at the same time trying to fake vaginal contraction. Try it. So, if you put a finger, thumb near the anal opening…ta da! You can always tell (if you have some sort of weird trust issues about your girlfriend coming).
P.S. – if your girlfriend’s NOT coming every time you have sex, she might not be your girlfriend for long… girls like sex, too, dummy!
As it was mentioned before I also faked orgasm and mostly fake it on my first time (I am a male, using condoms), because I am so into pleasing and discovering my partner. There are also other ways of finding out if your partner is a potential faker, this is done orally and manually, I will not get to descriptive, but I will tell you this much about it, I have asked for honesty to my partners afterwards and they have confessed. I am very aware of my partners moves touches and other body signals that my partner is sending out, this is why I am considered a very good lover. I have learned and appreciate the body and soul of a woman in its full. Also like it was also mentioned women don’t always need to climax, the right touches work magic in lots of occasions!!! But being a faker should not be blamed to the woman alone. Men need to learn a bit more about the most beautiful creation on this world, Women!!!
Sorry for my grammatical mistakes English is not my mother language.
I have to say that your comments have been a blast to read. Keep them coming or in appreciation of todays blog shall we say Keep them Cumming!!!
I need to add my 2 cents to this discussion.
When I have sex with men, I experience orgasm 97 percent of the time! I don’t fake orgasm, I don’t believe in faking orgasm and as far as Billy Crystal + Meg Ryan in the movie
High 5 David–”cumming”! You are hot!!!! High 5 Jessica to you too! I agree 100%. Faking an orgasm is pointless. I am going to HAVE an orgasm when I have sex—and so is the man—GUARANTEED! I think we should all make a “cum” creed! No faking allowed! lol This is an awesome crowd of people! This is what makes a blog worth writing as well as reading. Keep it “cumming” indeed. I love it! S—you have me rolling! lol I think I am just so elated right now, a truck could run over me right now and I would feel great!
OK. Faking Orgasm People vs. Not Faking Orgasm People. Who is winning at the point?
I think we all learned a lot today about this. As far as I am concerned we will have to say that if men paid attention to all the details women would not feel the need to fake.
And if women were honest about what they liked men might learn how to please a woman.
Thats my take and wait till you see what tomorrow brings!!
David you are 100% right but we need (men) to be guided a little bit more. Ladies? I was lucky.
Wow, take a day out and miss the hot stuff! RC, you are sweet to see women as the most beautiful creation inthe worls. That right there makes you sexually desireable. it is true that in order for a woman to go away satisfied, there doesn’t always have to be an orgasm, although it is nice. If we have been treated with respect, had some passionate moments and communicated, its all good! Even though we might not orgasm, speaking for myself anyway, I always feel sensations during sex that do make me moan because it just feels good. I think it is when that g-spot is in play.That can feel just as pleasurable as an orgasm. Faking it? No The only reason I would ever fake one is so the man doesn’t feel inadequate. That would so suck to hurt a mans feelings in that fashion.
Thank you Persia and don’t stay away so long ;o)
hi
im sure there has been women in my past that have faked it but the girl i am with now i can honestly say has never faked it if she doesnt Orgasm she tells me but iw ould say 75% of the time she does because i go out of my way to make sure she is pleasured it almost feels like a lost cause if i can get her off
so ya my gf never fakes it with me
i meant to say its a lost cause if i cant get her off not can
Great information, thanks for posting this. Was actually thinking of writing something similar.