The best way to approach a woman in a bar is to go up to her after the douche bag has just tried to pick her up and failed.
The guy always goes over there with his training wheels on – and not even decent training wheels, but the ones that are squeaky and wobbly. So he goes over and tries his ridiculous line on her, and it obviously doesn’t work.
The second he leaves, you can go over there and say, “okay, I’ve got to know: what the fuck did that guy say to you? I watched him and his friends over there, checking you out and elbowing each other to decide who was going to come over and talk to you. So, just for the sake of social research, I’ve got to know what he said to you – I bet you money he picked it out of some book, right?”
You can play the odds at that point, and say, “did he say, ‘I’m thinking of a number between one and ten,’ or did he ask you, ‘who lies more, men or women?’ Or was he REALLY creative and said, ‘my friend got caught by his girlfriend the other night kissing someone else, would you consider that cheating?’”
Client: Or, “did he say, ‘I have to get back to my friends, I just need your opinion on something…”
But you really could go up there and be curious about something. For example, you could approach a girl wearing a scarf and ask her if it’s okay for a guy to wear scarves. I see all these guys wearing scarves all of the time, and I just don’t know if I could pull it off. I’d kind of feel weird being a guy wearing a scarf! You could just ask for her opinion, if you’re genuinely curious. Then you could see where it goes from there.
David: But you should go even deeper with that and tell a story. Say, “look, I just moved here from Cali, so I’m already wearing some weird shit to begin with. I’ve been hanging out with my buddies today and realizing how crazily I dress, like wearing flip-flops in October…” – you can be self-deprecating with your humor.
And then you can say, “but I have to get this scarf thing down because the other night it was like 40 degrees out and I was thinking about how cold my neck was here!” Boom – she’s laughing, and it shows that you are real and genuine.
It’s an entirely different thing. Instead of these ridiculously manufactured conversation-starters that don’t actually work, this is real.
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David: Douche Bag? Thats harsh, LOL! how about misguided or unknowing ding dong?
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Right on, David!
Interesting that you mentioned scarves…They seem to be all the rage here in Madrid as well. Of course, 6 degrees C and snow on the horizon would do that.
Incidentally, you may have competition (I only kid): a 4th-grader who has written a book about how to talk to girls. There was a feature recently that I saw on MSNBC.com about him. Funny stuff, indeed!
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David, I think you’ve got some new competition!!
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/28038281/?GT1=43001
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I heard about this kid and the word on the street is that his methods only work on 4th grade and below school girls!!
He is all about picking up girls in the school yard and taking them home and playing Nintendo with them!!!
What next?
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As for the harsh term above.
You should have seen these guys they made it so hard to watch!
Everyone knows how bad routines are especially when they look like you just read them that night in the game!
Plus most women have heard the routines before so that is why you become the Douche bag!!
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Funny enough, I’ve actually done this before. With VH1′s show growing ever more popular, it’s not hard to spot a guy using some of it’s material badly, then using his failure to my advantage.
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Hi David,
Great blog!!
Gotta a questions for you?
Right now I am about to graduate in December. After listening to you and following your steps I was feeling like a rock star in my classes. I swear to god man, I have never felt so comfortable with all these women. Anyways, there is a girl in my class, Nicole, a basketball player. My friends told me that she might like you. Nicole brings cookies and donuts and share everything she eats. We tease each other and touch each other sometimes. She told me that after finals she is going to take me to her favorite restaurant. since last week, everytime I give her a clue to figure out if she likes me or not, she just changes the subject. last night I pissed off and didn’t respond to her text messages.
This morning she text me to ask where am I? While I was in class, I was trying to ignore her for a bit and talking to other girl. Every time I talked to someone Nicole kept stairing at me. She is from Canada and she is gonna go back after next semester. See I am graduating right now. But at this point, I don’t know what to do. I just want this situation to resolve. I know there are plenty of girls are out there waiting for me. What should I do in this case?
I will appreciate your response.
Thanks.
Tariq
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Tariq,
Girls in college are weird, I can’t figure them out either. I’ve had similar situations with girls in class too. Maybe David can write a blog on college girls for us college guys…
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David, I completely agree. Sometimes just to prove a point, I will show my guys how terrible they are and approach a woman with one of the those silly lines. There just isn’t any substance behind them and even if you can pull it off, it’s just a deceptive way – which is what make PUA’s seem sleazy.
Just be direct…or funny. Either way, make her remember you, not remember your line.
She’s heard them all already, anyway.
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It seems like u guys need a little help…Women like men can be shy at times. But in the case of the young man. She is testing. Women do these things to see if the guy really likes them or just talking b.s. Give her time she will come around and do the gentlemen thing. Sometimes it is hard to figure out women. But we like you guys have feelings too.
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Now if I were sitting in a bar and a guy approached me if I am interested I will let him know but that depends what is he looking for a night of loving or just getting together. If you come up to me and used a line I may say oldest line in the book my grand pappy used that one on my grand mammy. Better find another one. I like to joke and cut up. You can tell by watching the woman and seeing what her reaction is. That should tell you all you need to know and if she barks look for another woman who is more subtle.
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This woman is at a bar and she looking around to see who is there and there is this guy sitting alone at the table and he keeps looking at her. Hint: If a woman wants to be with him she will give him a certain sign. If she doesn’t she can get out her spray can of 100% Grade A Man Repellent and use it on him. I like to test the water and see what happens and look out the ocean logically wondering if I am going to sink or float. Me I would allow you to come around and give you time decide if you want to take it further or not.
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That is it guys later
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If you really like the woman, why are you texting so much? I think that takes the personal effect out of a relationship. Waiting to catch up in person is so much more exciting and, well, personal. And texting can be misunderstood so easily. It’s great for confirming a meeting, or a quick little “thinking of you”, but when I hear people say they are working out problems via texting, it just sounds like things are going downhill fast. And I am a fan of texting, it’s knowing when a face-to-face is appropriate that saves the day for me.
David; if I was to be approached by you with the scarf senario, you would make me laugh in a good way. I would know immediately that you are very comfortable with your manhood, have a great sense of humor, and perhaps would like more than a little scarf to warm up with. Such an easy way to start a conversation. Clever, creative, honest, simple. Way “cool” you might say.
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Nice approach. I do give candidate number two a little more leeway when candidate number one was a total washout (aka douchebag. PUA, etc.). Survey? No. I just “Have to know…” – much better.
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If the woman is acting like a douche bag herself maybe she is in the wrong bar. Sometimes women will act like this if they have had a boyfriend to diss them. But also ladies watch out for players. Ladies want to play the game of allowing the men to pick them up should play the game in which they are seeking.
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When it comes to players and trust me I work around a lot of guys can take an exit stage left and not return. I want a man who will treat me like a lady. Maybe those guys need to create a bar of their own.
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Nice… I do this shit all the time.
Here’s a twist… you could ask, “I’m curious, what’s the worse line you’ve heard all night”
I’m all about laughs when I’m out and about.
To hell with boring…
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I love that brad you said it all when u said that if she does not want to be bothered then go to next one. just like in a doctors office when the nurse says NEXT!
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Brad I am still laughing my ass off. Maybe she lost her direction and needs to go to the bar of women only catch my drift.
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Would any of you guys really go up to a total stranger (the woman you’re interested in) and say:
“okay, I’ve got to know: what the fuck did that guy say to you?”
Are you serious!? You’d really open with profanity?
All of the women that I know would say that you’re probably in the DB class yourself for saying that.
I mean does your mother know that you have a potty mouth?
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David,
The stuff you’re telling guys TO DO and what NOT TO DO are the same things.
DON’T use a rehearsed line;
but DO use this line….
PS
You say “be yourself”, alot of men ARE nervous when approaching women.
You say “be confident”, not all men ARE confident and a woman can spot false confidence from a mile away.
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Darryl – I think that it might be a little closer to “Don’t use the same old tired lines that every other guy uses that SOUND rehearsed and don’t get the results that you really want.” Do try something a little different like some of the things that he has demonstrated in his videos and talked about on this blog.
Think about when someone holds the door open for you (a man) when your hands are full – you still say “Thank you” don’t you? I know that I always do. When someone says ‘Thank you” to me, I always respond with “You’re welcome.” It’s an automatic response. Like many average women, I always used to throw off compliments because I was raised not to seek them, as it seemed unacceptably vain to accept them. That was until several people in my social circle hammered me with a very pointed “for chrissakes, just shut up and say thank you!” It took quite a while, but I can accept a compliment now and actually respond in a way that shows appreciation that someone was thoughtful enough to notice something and comment on it in a positive way. It has also allowed me to give others recognition, thanks, kudos, etc. that I never before felt confident enough to do without sounding like a brown-nosed suck-up.
Part of ACTING in a new way is creating new neural pathways in your brain – the acting may feel uncomfortable or strange at first, but over time become familiar and comfortable…like me accepting a compliment. You may not FEEL confident, but sometimes acting a certain way over time will give you a different perspective until finally you no longer have to ACT – you really are just being yourself – it will show though. And to women, we appreciate the effort more than you will ever know. And as for the false confidence? Most of us view false confidence as the guy who says, “You should date me and I make this much $$ and I drive a viper, blah blah blah.” Big fat ZERO. Give me a nice guy any day.
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That isn’t my view of “false confidence” at all. To me it’s acting as if you’re better than you really are; more of a cockiness/arrogance than anything. The guy that acts like Don Juan/Rico Suave that hasn’t been on a date in years.
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You know something there is a critic in every corner.
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