Do You Feel Ugly And Undesirable?

February 24, 2014 37 Comments Women Love and Connection, Uncategorized

I get emails like this all the time, and it seriously bothers me women feel like this. “David, I feel ugly and unattractive. I’m too short/tall, and a bit chubby. How will I ever find a man while I look like this?”

Have you ever felt like this about yourself?

Do you ever look in the mirror and hate the person looking back at you?

In my opinion, the media hasn’t helped women with their self-image issues with all the glossy magazines and air-brushed models, but some women naturally struggle with the way they look. Here’s the thing, and I discuss it in the video below, but no matter how attractive/unattractive you THINK you are, when a guy checks you out, he’s telling you he finds you attractive the way you are.

No matter what you look like, there are thousands of guys out there who’d love to date you. The problem isn’t how men see you, but how YOU see yourself. This all comes down to the art of self-love, and it’s something I talk about all the time. You have to learn to love yourself as you are. You have to embrace your curves, your pimples, your height, whatever it is. When you learn to find beauty within yourself, you start to radiate that confidence, and that’s something men find attractive.

So if you find it hard to accept the way you look, or worry men don’t find you attractive, I want you to watch this video, and then to practice self-love everyday. You are a beautiful woman inside and out, and when you see a guy checking you out, he’s simply validating that. It’s time you stopped looking at the magazines, or catwalk models, and realized YOU’RE the prize. You’re an amazing catch. And you’re the kind of smart, sexy women, all men desire.

I don’t normally ask you to share things on my site, but I would ask that you share this video with all your friends. I mean it when I say it really bothers me women (and men) can feel so terrible about the way they look, when we’re all beautiful. So, watch the video, share it, and remember to work on yourself everyday. It’s not men you need to convince you look amazing, but yourself.

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DJ says

2016-09-18 00:54:45

I was doing a search for something else and came across this article. I have struggled and cried and been so devastated about my situation and feel like no man is even going to want to be with me when they see that I have basically been disfigured. I wanted to get some corrections to a not so good plastic surgery result I had had years prior. A "surgeon" by the name of Siamak Agha convinced me I needed have more extensive touch ups and like I fool I allowed him to do them. It was a decision I will regret the rest of my life. He basically butchered my body... he stripped my buttock fold away from the muscle so I am left with large, wide scars under my buttocks that sag a pull and widen because there is no anchor. It is also very painful and I cannot wear pants, shorts without a special garment to make it look like I have a normal buttock. He also took way too much fat away, so there are indents on each thigh. He also did the same to my breasts and my underarms look like I’ve been burned so I can’t even wear anything sleeveless. I spent all my money for him to butcher me, so do not have the money to try and get the corrections I need. This "man" destroyed my body and my self esteem. I am afraid to date for fear of them discovering my butchered, horrible body. and that they will be disgusted when the see it. Or if they want to go to the beach, etc, somewhere where you wear a bathing suit, I can’t because the scars, especially on my buttocks are so obvious and horrible looking . This is so very depressing.
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Danie says

2016-08-14 09:24:57

Well men don't even check me out for one thing..
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tasmin says

2016-05-06 08:40:59

I'm 17 and not going to graduation/prom because I'm so ugly and undesirable. I wouldn't want to look like the misfit in the graduation room, with her hair all uncontrollably frizzy and gross while the others look perfect. Nope, fuck that.
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Jessa McIntosh says

2016-01-19 18:22:20

I don't want to be fuckable. I want to be lovable. There is a difference. Attention is not the issue, it getting the RIGHT kind of attention. Any woman can slut herself out there and fuck anyone she pleases. However, it finding those men who take you seriously and want something real with you that's the problem. Someone who wants to hold your hand in public and show you off to the world.
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Mayweather says

2015-07-25 05:50:56

This is BS. I always smile and dress well, I fix my hair, put makeup on and still dudes reject me. Men are just too damn picky these days
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Melissa says

2015-04-13 10:32:37

What happens when you have a skin disease that makes you look like you have an STD? Its a skin disorder starting from puberty. Now, How do you get past that? Never to be loved!! My ex has told me I never was and he is right. Alone Forever is all I'm Worth. Nothing.
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Chung says

2015-03-10 03:50:44

I feel old and undesirable
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keri says

2014-09-17 04:40:13

Im 42 and I feel old and undesirable I gain weight broke up with my man of 5 years feeling ugly look in mirror use to be pretty help
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Speedwagon says

2014-08-19 00:45:15

There is a saying in Spanish that may apply here "There are no ugly women in this world but there are lazy women". Laziness to watch their own weight & to take care of their appearance, to offer a friendly smile (even if they have to learn how to smile, get dental work done), etc. But first, ppl have to love themselves to think that they deserve to look good & that they too can offer something to the world. Some ppl look naturally good, some others we have to work at it and do our best, just saying.
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shortJ says

2014-06-21 20:19:08

Thank you, Nicole, for being the reality check in this. It's very nice that the folks on this site are trying to make people feel better about themselves, it really is. But some of us know darn right well who is and isn't "checking us out". And not everyone is beautiful. There would be no concept of beautiful if everyone were at the same level. When I am laughing and smiling and having fun, I do NOT appear to have an attitude or not love myself. And yet even at those times, NO ONE is "checking me out". I am fully aware of how people react to me. If I were in any way beautiful, I wouldn't be alone after so many years. I have issues about my looks because no men like them. Simple.
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john says

2014-04-28 12:59:31

LMFAO. :)
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Pam says

2014-03-03 04:11:26

That's true and I've struggled with achieving that. Everything with the law of attraction advises that you need to be happy first and THEN the things you desire will suddenly show up. 
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Pam says

2014-03-03 04:09:07

This is a great exercise; in fact, I did it myself in a Word doc a few months ago when I was having a "low" day. You can go beyond physical and personality traits and list things like "I am a good cook." Also, Nicole, whenever I go anywhere--even if it's to the grocery store--I make sure I'm feeling good with the way I've dressed and presented myself. I personally feel more confident when I wear a little bit of makeup and clothes that are flattering. Some may say it's superficial but for me it's a confidence boost and men are very visual, after all. 
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Laura N. says

2014-03-01 23:08:43

Dang...now I want some Ben and Jerry's while I watch my chick flick tonight...
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Cheryl H says

2014-03-01 20:47:18

Great visual, Laura.  
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Laura N. says

2014-03-01 19:57:59

Awww...thanks, Cheryl!  And, yes, a the right man is the cherry on top the sundae...
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Cheryl H says

2014-03-01 19:51:30

Not at all, Laura.  I knew you probably meant it the other way, but had to take the opportunity to remind us ALL that men are not meant to complete us... but to complement.  And... not surprising to hear you are a writer... love reading your posts!!! :D
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Laura N. says

2014-03-01 19:46:37

hahaha...you're right, Cheryl.  I phrased that sentence badly.  Kinda embarrassing for a writer, huh? 
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Cheryl H says

2014-03-01 19:43:47

Nicole -- men are checking you out.  We just aren't aware of it.  Start appreciating your body for what it does for you and for what it looks like and that internal shift (your outlook) will spill out into the real word without you even knowing it... then watch out!  :D Laura -- so agree.... but "happy and fulfilling" happens before meeting the right man.  ;-)  That right man is going to be a complement to an already fantastically-lived life... and vice versa. :D
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Laura N. says

2014-03-01 19:25:43

Thanks, Cheryl!  I know EXACTLY how Nicole feels.  That little exercise really helped me immensely.  David is absolutely right when he says there are thousands of guys who would be attracted you.  All of us are beautiful in our own way.  We each need to embrace what makes each of us uniquely beautiful and attractive...that will help you find the man  you are looking for... and help you live a happy and fulfilling life.
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Cheryl H says

2014-03-01 18:55:03

AWESOME message!!!
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Laura N says

2014-02-28 16:45:49

Are you sure guys aren't checking you out, Nicole?  Or are you not noticing them checking you out?  I felt the same you do for most of my life...and there is a difference between them. I have realized that I was too wrapped up in myself to really SEE what was going on around me. First, I would suggest you play what another dating coach calls the "I Like Myself Game."  Fill up a page of EVERYTHING you like about yourself...physical traits, personality traits, etc.  Write it out in third person as well.  "I like Nicole's...blah blah blah..." Then when you start to get down on yourself, take it out and read it...remind yourself of you actually like about yourself. When I did that, I realized there was more things I liked about me than I disliked.  When I talked with my therapist about it, she then added this to the exercise...ask your closest friends (male and female) what they like about you as well and add that to the list.  That way you will see what others like and notice about you.   It's all about building your confidence, living in the now and being mindful about what you are feeling....both good and bad.     
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Nicole says

2014-02-28 02:25:22

In the video, you say that "when a guy is checking you out", he finds all of you beautiful in every way. Yeah, I agree, and well that's great. What if guys NEVER check you out anyway in the first place?! That's me. I never even get checked out. Soo yeah, i think I'm doomed. What do you do then?? This isn't helping.. :/
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Laura N says

2014-02-27 16:20:09

Amen, Pam! 
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Pam says

2014-02-27 14:19:57

That's great that you're starting to realize it, too! That seems to be the key for everything else to fall into place...you have to love and respect yourself first. 
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Laura N. says

2014-02-26 22:02:13

You go, Pam!  I have to say, David's philosophy of self-love has been instrumental in getting me to accept myself.  Like you, I have another blog I follow (In fact, I found David on that expert's site) and he says the same thing .  But, he added in that guys just don't notice or care about the little flaws we women fixate on.  That if he is with you...that if he is checking you out and flirting with you, he thinks you're "hot."    It's funny.  One of my very best friends in the whole world told me a couple of weeks, "You have never accepted just how pretty you actually are.   I'm really glad to see that YOU are starting to realize it."   That one comment from a woman who has been my bestie since first grade did more to pick up my self-esteem than any compliment from any guy.  :)  
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Pam says

2014-02-26 21:41:01

Thanks, Laura. This is something I've always wanted to do, since I was in my 20s, but just didn't have the confidence to try. It took me 20 years to finally get the confidence! And much of it didn't arrive until the past few years, after discovering the law of attraction, David's site, and another guy's dating blog that I find just as empowering and helpful.  I read something this morning in an article about three women who lost weight and kept it off...one said after a while you don't just love the way your body looks when you work out, but what it becomes capable of doing (this is in regards to running and marathons, 5Ks, etc.) So that has partly become my motivation.  Yeah, after a while I have to ignore the comments over there...
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Pamela R says

2014-02-26 21:40:00

Laura I am 55 and I have worked hard to loose 100 pounds thank you for the kind words.  I get alot of nasty comments from men but since reading the stuff from David I am realizing that it is just ones man's opinion and there are plenty out there who don't have that same feeling.  You go girl 
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Laura N. says

2014-02-26 21:35:18

Pam,  just from your profile picture you ARE photogenic.  And I know you are going to look fantastic. I myself do yoga on a regular basis, and am about to get started running/jogging again.  It's tough to start back up, but it's something I need to do...not just for my health...but to help me feel better about myself physically.  Which in turn will build my self confidence...which in turn will make me more attractive.  :) Now, I just need to forget the comments I read on men's blog about fat, ugly women. ;)
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Pamela R says

2014-02-26 21:29:04

Love this and I bought 2 of Davids programs they have really helped me get a better image of myself.   Also not to be so afraid of rejection and put myself out there thanks David really appreciate it
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Pam says

2014-02-26 21:23:54

It's gotten pretty bad over there. Unfortunately some people thrive on their own negativity and the responses they get, as it eggs them on.  I think women are just genetically more likely to have issues with their looks from time to time. I'm getting photos taken of myself in about 6 weeks, to submit for modeling work just for fun and to possibly make extra money here and there, and I'm nervous. I've always exercised and have really upted the anti on my workouts, especially on the abs, as I want the toning to be visible in the photos. Just staying positive and keeping it a goal, and telling myself affirmations that I am photogenic and look perfect right now. I also signed up for my first 5K in early May with friends, and have started training for that. 
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Laura N. says

2014-02-26 21:06:43

Exactly, Pam. It's "Lord of the Flies" on that thread. I called them out on their bullshit and David backed me up.  (Thanks for that, David). I also want to thank David for doing what he can to help us women build our self esteem and learn how to love our bodies.  Body image is something I really struggle with when I meet a guy.  I've recently gotten some validation from men I have met, and I am beginning to accept myself for who I am.  I hate say that cheesy "One Direction" song is right...
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Pam says

2014-02-26 20:52:50

The men's blog has always had a few negative nellies on there, which is why I stopped visiting/posting for several months. Now that I have revisited recently, I can tell you that it has definitely gotten worse. Way worse. At least David seems to be more vocal on there and calling them on their crap.  I mean, wishing that everyone catches an STD on Valentine's Day? Really? Getting jealous of a woman who met her boyfriend by starting a conversation with him and saying she's BRAGGING about it? WTF? How OLD are you? Lots of those guys should NOT be even thinking about dating. They should be in therapy, taking care of their anger issues and learning to love and have confidence in themselves. 
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Laura N. says

2014-02-26 20:36:45

I have to say...you ladies are far nicer and open to advice then a lot of the dudes on the men's blog.  Right now, I'm restraining myself from letting fly (again) on that particular thread.  Right now they are talking about how women blow off short ugly guys...and that fat ugly women can at least work on fat part.   No wonder women have body image issues when we are confronted with ridiculous images from Victoria's Secret.   
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Marie says

2014-02-26 06:30:49

David, What you say is very true. Magazines'pictures don't help women in feeling amazing and attractive. However, I've noticed you use the same magazines' pictures to sell guys your products: hot babes, big boobs, lingerie models... These poor fat guys with no hair will get it all in 7 seconds if they buy your stuff! Sigh... 
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Christe C says

2014-02-26 00:59:36

I love u too David Wygant:) your the best spoken from the heart!  
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Pamela R says

2014-02-26 00:11:48

Where did the oral sex video go my link didn't take methere
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