Today we are having our 2nd day of the first bootcamp of 2009.
And starting this year all bootcamps are 3 long fun days!!!!!
This is a conversation we had last night and it is something that most people do not ever think of.
Do you know what is the best place to sit when you go out with a group of eight people or more?
Most people will make the mistake of taking the end seat of the table. The problem with that seat is that if you have people on your side that you don’t want to talk to anymore, you’re just stuck in silent mode the whole time.
The key seat to take at all times when you go out with a group of people is the middle seat of the long side. Then, you can direct your conversation to just about everyone.
If you sit at the end, that’s not the lead seat – that’s the lecture seat.
Khiem: Sure, if you’re in a formal setting, the end is a good place to sit. But if you’re in a social setting, the best seat is absolutely-right-in-the-middle. You can connect to more people and you can also pay attention to everyone.
David: It’s a really important thing. Whenever you’re out at a group meal, make sure you’re not at the end. You don’t want to be at the head of the table.
You’d much rather be in the middle because if you look at the way the projection works – the person in the middle can basically project all the way across the table with no problem.
But when you’re at the very end, you’re stuck.
A lot of people always go for that seat because they think it has the most space. They think that it’s the best seat. And it is, from a power-structure point of view. You feel like you’re in the power zone.
It’s really that easy!
Todays video will bring back some fun summer memories.
Enjoy the day!!
That’s something I hadn’t thought of but looking back at it, I have been stuck at the end quite a few times, and basically stranded from the conversation
I totally agree with this blog. Time and time again, whenever I go with a group of friends for dinner, I always make it a point to be in the middle. I always knew that if I was sitting at the end of the table, I would not be able to have good conversation with ANYBODY. This blog just clarifies what I have thought
The middle is where the fun always happen.
The end of the table is when you try to look cool or powerful… but sadly, you only end up looking too cool for school. And who wants to chat with the person who’s too cool for school?
Hey, I noticed that yesterday. I was sitting in the middle seat, having so much fun…
And what an amazing video that was, very interesting.
And thus why whenever you are buying a dining table for 8 or more it should either be square or round… I went square
Being in the middle is always the most fun!
If I’m sitting at the end of the table, I make my end more exciting than the other end, so everyone in the middle is focusing on us anyways.
The only seat I won’t take is behind the driver with no other passengers in the car because then it feels like a cab.
Have a great bootcamp!
Mike
Hahaha i remember when we were at the thai restaurant and i got excited because i was pulling up a chair at the head of the table. Then David told us the theory behind the middle of the table. Cool
I totally agree. The middle seat is always the most fun. Great video, really enjoyed your analysis of the body language.
The best seat I have at the table is the one I can watch television at my parents house. But usually I will sit in the middle. But what if one person is left handed and ur right handed. Then u keep bumping elbows. Enjoyed the blog and video. Hey about the person who wants to be the center of attention. I don’t like to set upfront so the back or middle is fine with me if we are sitting auditorium style.
Table dances anyone? Just a little humor in it all.
I noticed something in the podcast. I noticed that the guy went over to the shy one. That proves a point about what I have been told. The woman who shows least interest is the one the guy will go to. It is like a woman doing the chasing after the guy and he runs away from and will follow the one that does not give him any interest. Do you remember the movie Grease. There was a woman that chased after John but Olivia showed less interest and he ended up with Olivia. I often wondered why that is?
Mmmmmmmmm….the middle IS the best place to be! And I think that he went over to the shy one because he instinctively knew he wasn’t getting anywhere with the first girl. Good insight about the body language! I work in hospitality and have noticed that all I have to do is look people in the eye while smiling and the conversation just starts flowing – with both men and women. It’s so natural! Thanks you guys!
This observation is so true. When I am obligated to attend a dinner or similar event that I might personally not want to attend but can’t get out of, people seem to make a point of seating me in the middle of a table and I admit that I usually have a very good time. Guess that I need to put this on my proactive list so that my hosts don’t have to try so hard to rope me in. Good to know…
This is yet another set of good advice. I was at a social dinner gathering the other night, and I ended up sitting at the end table, which I chose. Now that I think about it, it is very difficult to talk to everyone that way. Luckily for me, I was able to move to other sides of the table because there was an empty seat. Although this may be a bit off-topic, what can someone do if they have a tendency to be in situations where everyone begins talking with each other and that person is the odd person out just sitting there looking at his or her watch? I would like to hear some opinions.
Dave
That’s brilliant, I always sit at the end generally because I am the organiser so I let everyone else sit down before me. But you are right, you get stuck with a few people at the end and if they are talking to the people next to them then you are just kind of left out in the cold.
From now on I’m getting in the middle and just letting everyone sit down around me!
Thanks!
Marie.
just comes back to knowing who you are and what you are up to that night. If you are one like M who can turn on the energy and get it fun at the end go for it. The best dinner parties I have been to is the ones with great moderator personalities at the end who can get everyone engaged. Yes Dave hates when it happens that you feel you are watching the clock, but when that in have happend it’s often because I have not engaged myself into what they are talking about. Doesn’t matter if it really interest me or not. A long way goes enthusiasm for others passions and and you might just learn something from it. 3 second rule eye contact, if that does not work hope you have someone like Sandra next to you who can put the plates on fire with some table top dance.
Maybe they are clock watchers. Or they see how much time they have left before going onto the next topic. We are all governed by time. Or maybe they are late for a date. Who knows but in some situations it is not polite to look at watch. Maybe it is just that you are not interested in the topic and have nothing to say.
Dave – I think it’s OK to not talk all the time, and to be the one listening now and then – as long as you’re not yawning or something… Most women are drawn to the strong silent type anyway! There will be a lull in the conversation eventually, and that’s the time to ask an interesting question – or give a compliment. I open up a lot of conversations just by complimenting someone else…works like magic.
Elle: compliments are contagious, not only it makes to other person feel good, but also puts a smile on your face.
I totally agree when compliments are sincere, and inquisitive, people love to open up!
I don’t like the winter, but love the summer. And D. those summer bootcamps brings back lot of good memories.
Thanks for the comments guys. I agree with Elle on that you don’t have to be talking all the time, and sometimes I do prefer to be the odd man out; I just don’t feel like talking to everyone all the time. I can only be festive and talkative when I feel like doing so, but the environment might have something to do with it. Then are times where I might feel like getting into conversations, but I’m shut out. Perhaps interest in conversation subject has a lot to do with it, and I think I’ll observe to see if that is the case next time.
I agree with Elle about the strong, silent type, but I don’t know if most women are drawn to that. At some point, you have to be willing to go and talk to people if you want to have friends and relationships, but being silent can work at times; just be very well dressed that is unique to you. (Yes, being well-dressed does make a difference, and it might be the difference between having a group of women approach you or having a boring night. I can testify to that.) At least there’s hope for people who are a bit more reserved.
Dave
I have been told silence is golden. When you listen more you learn more. I have noticed that they are people who I call loners. They like to remain to themselves only allow certain ones in their space. I am like that at times when I want to be alone.
I enjoy solitude, so do maNY.
Sometimes I just tire of people and talking in general and go somewhere tranquil to relax and retune myself to nature.
I think that too many people in modern society allow their minds to become clogged with random thoughts and comlicated with information overload.
One nice thing about being the youngster (comparatively) at a table full of eighty-somethings, they go out of their way to draw you out and include you in conversation. Have you ever really listened to a room full of really, really old people at a social function? Man, are they good at small talk and that’s way before they reach the medical aches and pains subject matter! I think that there is a generational gap in social skills that some of us can’t even approach without this kind of experience. Good thing that we have this site…
Years ago I use to go into this restaurant and sit at this table with guys. All they wanted to talk about is the out houses you know the Johnny on the spot that is used on the jobs. I like to read the comic strips that people would leave on the wall about who was the person to call on the wall for the best pussy in town or the guy with a dick as long as a horse. So I decided it was time to sit at a table to my lonesome. What a conversation when someone is trying to eat. One thing that gets to me is when someone lets a fart or blows their nose when you are trying to eat. What table manners but I don’t dine there anymore. One time I was sitting at one restaurant and I was informed by one employee that this one customer had head lice and was picking nits out of hair. I was sitting around her in another booth. You talk about someone getting a jar of mayonnaise and washing her hair. This should be the topic of the day.
Very true! I’ve come to that realization some time ago, too. Incredible, because in fact it’s so simple!