Here is a conversation we had over dinner at this weekends bootcamp. This will give you a good idea of what my bootcamps are like, and you’ll also get to hear how Khiem and I answer questions from clients! And you heard it here first.
Eagles and the Chargers in the Super Bowl.
Client: So are you opposed to the idea of the first contact being through texting?
David: Yeah.
Client: Sometimes I feel like on the phone I can’t ever get my rap together. And nowadays, no one ever answers their phone!
Khiem: David’s a bit different from me. I don’t mind a quick text once in a while. I don’t mind the first contact to be via text but there needs to be a phone call very quickly after that.
David: I do like texting. Khiem, you just like to talk on the phone longer than I do. The other day Khiem got on the phone at 5:30 and rumor has it he wasn’t off of it until 11:30 or 12:00! When he wants to have a phone conversation, you might as well make plans for yourself for lunch, dinner, and a snack! It will be a while!
Khiem: With the girl that I’m seeing, I made a rule that I wasn’t going to talk to her every day. So then every time we talk, she wants more. I try to give her enough to last her a couple of days. I don’t want to talk to her every day!
Client: When you’re seeing somebody, how much do you think that they want to hear from you?
Khiem: I set a rule about what I want. Do you remember how I said earlier that you should make sure that you tell people how much you expect from them? Let them know what you want so that they know what to expect from you.
I tell women up front that I like my independence and that calling every day is too much for me. I tell her that I want her to grow and have her own life. I don’t like clingy girls, and I tell women that straight up. If you like clingy girls, that’s cool, but that’s not who I am, and I won’t do it.
And because I’ve laid that out to her, she accepts it. You have to tell them up front. For me, we can talk every two or three days – no more than that.
Client: But when you do talk to her, you have meaningful conversations, right?
Khiem: Oh yeah, it’s always meaningful, and many times it’s arousing as well. Not every phone call would include dirty talk, but many of them do.
Client: Do you think that there are special considerations when you are dating younger women?
David: How young are they? (laughter)
Client: Not like students, I’d say around 30. That’s the absolute youngest I would ever go.
Khiem: You have to understand their world.
David: Yeah.
Khiem: Try to understand their world, because each woman at different ages has different expectations in life. Based on their expectations and lifestyle, you can work from that angle.
You don’t want to try to accommodate yourself entirely to her. But if you’re dating a woman who is a lawyer or does something corporate, then you know that she has a busy schedule. You know that you have to set up a date at least three or four days in advance – if not a week.
But if you know that she’s more active and spontaneous, you can call her more often and be more spur-of-the-moment with your dates. That’s how you tailor your communication style to the woman that you are interested in.
At a younger age, she has a higher level of distractions. Women in their twenties have a high level of distractions, particularly around 23, 24, 25.
Client: 23 is like insane.
David: At 23, it’s like a Labrador Retriever on the beach! “Should I play? Should I sniff ass? Should I go? Should I get the ball? Oh my god, nobody wants to play with me? I’m going to go lie down and look sad for 20 minutes.”
Khiem: Yeah, at 28 you start to get settled. 28-year-olds still haven’t fully matured yet, but around that age they start to settle down. But again, what is she doing? What kind of life does she live? Is she working? Is she still in party-mode?
You can meet women in their thirties that are still in party-mode.
David: Oh yeah!
Khiem: But you can also meet 24-year-olds who are out of that, done with partying and looking for something more.
David: Let’s take it a bit deeper. I speak to all women in the same way, because I know that I attract a certain type of woman. I’m very careful about who I attract into my life. I like a certain type of woman.
Sometimes someone might slip through the cracks – because the sex is great or whatever. There are certain women you’ll put up with more shit from because you’re just in the mood for that type of sexual relationship or something.
But most of the time, if you like a certain type of woman, you’re used to dealing with that type of woman. Maybe you don’t like the hard, ball-busting, lawyer type of woman, so you avoid them. Maybe you prefer the creative types – or whatever it might be. You’re used to that type of woman, and that’s what you attract.
But I always tell a guy that if you’re looking for a woman a lot younger than you, you’re going to encounter a whole other language.
Client 1: I feel like on some of these online dating sites, the girls my age are always looking for men aged 28 to 45. What does that mean?
Client 2: What’s wrong with that? What site is that again? (laughter)
Client 1: But what does that really mean? Does that mean that they just want someone that is mature and confident?
Khiem: Probably. Usually what they mean by older is not so much age, but someone who is comfortable with themself.
A lot of younger girls who are looking for older men are tired of the guys their age who have no clue. They are looking for a guy who is really secure in his own identity. He might be established as well, but that’s usually coming from the maturity of being secure in yourself. Generally that’s what they mean when they are looking for older guys.
Client 1: Okay, I just didn’t know if I should take it at literal value, like, okay they are just looking for someone that is older.
David: It means that they are pretty much open. They are looking for somebody who knows himself. They are tired of meeting man-boys. They’ve dated them. They are sick and tired of guys that are indecisive.
But they don’t really realize that the older guys are often just as indecisive! We have more life experience to share with them, which they like, but age doesn’t necessarily mean you’re secure with yourself.
To Khiem
Love the way you tell people upfront what you expect would eliminate many misunderstandings. Told someone recently that I was not interested in casual flirting not i my cards at the moment, but if he was genuine interested we could continue. Off the ground I am upfront jaloux behavoir is a no no with me. You give someone a chance to not make major mistakes with you that could become a turnoff.
Recently a man texted me asking me when I was going to call him, which I thought was very cute. So then I did! Brilliant comment, Khiem – ‘you have to understand her world’ – so simple. And I know the reverse is just as true. I’m enjoying these blogs! What a nice surprise!
Khiem’s point of telling what you expect from them is a nice way of grounding the other person from not of going overboard with their Expectations. Also can help as a gentle reminder when you first start feeling that the other person is being carried away. In the whole first part of the attraction period both parties have periods where their Expections could run amok. Missunderstandings happen so fast in that phase, hormones and emotions run amok. When it comes down to it age really doesn’t matter if the chemistry is there and your wants in another person is fulfilled.
true, Elle I had one of them but within a couple of hours he turned scared of me. Go figure they want us to fall for them want to desire them but can’t take it when we then want them equally much, guess on their terms. Never had this problem with my deceased husband, but am beginning to see there is a lot I have to look into. Too open to let little misunderstandings get in my way. Great blogs here.
I have a habit of playing to the house when I am interacting with people. What I mean, is that I actively try and find what the overall style of interaction is and I work with that. For example, if I was in an audition room and the energy was tense, I would comment about the tension and find out why everyone was tense. Once we understand that we are all tense together, we can all work on changing the energy of the room. (I’m not an actor, nor do I want to be, just an example)
This is fun for me and helps me understand people, something of a life long pursuit. But as a by-product I am often in a position where I do not want to continue the discussion or activity and I present my “self” to them and then it gets weird. I think I act like a social chameleon and I find a lot of joy in observing people. Anyone have any ideas about changing (or reframing or rethinking) this behavior in myself? I like being able to reach out to their level, but I also don’t like it when my lines are crossed.
I’ve been told that I come across as a country bear. At first I’m seem to be happy to be playing in the band, but when my friends are threatened (could be anywhere from real threat to negative or malicious behavior) or my tolerance is being pushed, I turn downright scary with my intensity. I can be forceful and direct but I don’t want to come across as scary. Any ideas?
Mike
Ps – My personal guideline for communication.
Text is for Trivial (or fun)
Phone is for Personal
In Person is for Intimate
Mike- that’s a great personal guideline.
LA bootcamps are fun, and a lot to learn from.
I think it’s great that you discuss what your expectations are Khiem. More men should do that.
Great blog guys. Very insightful. We can all learn from this and weed out all the misunderstandings that occur all the time in dating.
Damn It Tennessee Titans lost. I was hoping they would win. But there is always next year.
When it comes to guys and age I don’t want to date someone that is old enough to be my son. I am referring to someone in their twenties. If I were to date someone I would say somewhere between 47years to 50 years old. Today when I meet someone that is over fifty I crinch. I don’t know why but that is how I feel. Guys who have a crush on me that are in their twenties I will tell them hey I am old enough to be your mother. I know that some guys that age don’t want to date their mother. I had a friend that dated a guy that was the same age as her daughter. He was almost 1/2 her age younger.
TN Titans: They was robbed:-)
Ok, I got a question. I tend to be around students who are about half my age. Some of them are so darn cute and would love to teach them more about how to enjoy pleasure:-) But I don’t want any of them going psycho and clingy on me….So, if your expectations only revolve around exploring sexuality and educating them and just having some sexy fun…how would you go about doing that in a tactful way? Last time I did this the Asian girl went way too clingy on me and expected me to give up everything to live the rest of my life with her…I liked her but not that much!!!
And one of these days my wife will be joining us in an awesome 3some….oh oh….please be gentle:-)
How direct can you be with younger women who know your situation and still flirt back with you? And how soon after you spend some time together?
I am not a professor….If I was I would be giving extra credit for girls working during my office hours, lol.
I love this blog. It’s not really about whether to text or not to text, what this one wants or that one wants…it’s about knowing who you are and what you want. If you are sure of yourself and what you want, everything else then falls into place. I love a guy who is confident and is not afraid to go after something!
See, that’s the thing about fooling around with girls when you are married to a woman…girls always think they can steal you away – it’s a challenge, and then they go psycho when you don’t leave like you’ve always told them you wouldn’t. And your woman will grow tired of your philandering, even tho it seems lighthearted. It really doesn’t matter how direct you are, the expectations are always the same – the girls expect a permanent thing, and your wife expects the same. What to do? Anyone have another point of view?
Going where angels fear to tread. Often times I wonder. Just have to watch out for the ploys and lines they use. And be sure they are not doing to get back at the wife for some reason. Nine chances out of ten the wife is cheating as well.
I think it’s important to give her the impression that you aren’t always going to be avaliable and on her beckoned call. I believe that showing too much interest and commitment can seriously strangle a relationship, but then again showing not enough commitment is just as bad.
You never want to give her the impression that she doesn’t have to do anything in order to win your affection and interest.
Tn Titans is my home team and I was born and raised here. I am not that much into football but I do know what a touchdown is. Some people say they fumble the ball too much and was intercepted by the other team.
M – Since you are accustomed to being an observer but like to wear different hats or take on different roles depending on your mood or the circumstances, maybe you just need to decide in advance which guy you want to be before you leave the house and stick with it. If you play the total social chameleon in the same act (room) with the same people, they might think that you’re a schizo, bi-polar, scary-ass kinda guy! And remember, every choice should have a range of behavior – not a single behavior. Dial it up or back as required.
Khiem – I’m with you – I tell ‘em don’t demand my attention because you have nothing else to do. I do not have that kind of time or patience to be your whole world. Give me the space to actually miss you. And when I’m out of state visiting friends or relatives, don’t suddenly have some insatiable need to talk to me all the damn time! Why aren’t more men like you?
Go Cards! Over here in AZ, winning in Footbal is definetely new and exciting for us!
I’m in, send me those younger women… 30 or older…
How high 49 years I will turn next month. Sorry honey but I am old enough to b ur mother. Just a little humor in it all.
David –
WHEN are you going to learn your lesson and STOP picking the Chargers this season?
Oh and j-dude, if you think the Cardinals have a chance on Sunday, you are as delusional as I would be as a Lions fan thinking that we have any chance to get a top-notch coach in after Ford didn’t clean out our head office…:)
Kristen!
The Cards were not supposed to have a chance this past Saturday!
The way I see it, it’s like my favorite TV show Lost. The Cards making it any further would be as surreal and bizarro…
J
I am all about the cards. Lets go cards!
K,
Here’s an example of what I’m trying to describe since I think you are missing the point.
“Football sucks. Stop fucking talking about it on a dating blog.”
I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say. I didn’t mean to say that I am not the same person every day. I am the same person. In fact, I have a very strong personality. Or so I believe. Part of my personality is, to listen and to interact with people I meet. Everyone does it. I mean that if I am with a group of people and suddenly there is talk about where to eat, I sit back and encourage the act of enjoying eating together and let the lesser personalities bicker about what would be best for right then. I enjoy myself where ever I go.
My other aspect of my personailty, and I guess you could call it a flaw, or whatnot, is that when it goes against my grain, I shut everyone down regardless of how strong they think their will is because I am a stubborn guy and if I have to have my way, I tend to get it. But a big part of who I am is enjoying the company of other people and insiduously studying them. It is part of me and I am not going to change it because it is a part I enjoy.
Here is my best example, and it is current.
I have a writing job and it pays very well. I have been working for ten months now. Earlier in the project I was assigned a story consultant by the rich guy who pays for everything. I can’t talk about the story or the people since it is confidential, but lets jsut say that the guy is very wealthy and it is an ego project telling a part of his life story. The client has a very strong personality and the story consultant has a very strong personality.
So, I walk in and I spend a month to two months gathering data and listening to stories. I’m enjoying it because it is a very complex character I am dealing with and there is a lot of joy in just studying him. I am consulted about the story by the third person and he directs me down a particular path that is by itself a very compelling and good story. The problem is, my observation at the time, 2 months into the project, is that the main person is not going to like the direction of the story. I told the story consultant and he disagreed. So I said to myself, what to do, and I went along with what story consultant thought would be a good idea and I agreed, it was a very compelling way to tell the story.
So, another four months later and the story is some of the best work I have ever done and we get ready to hand it in to the main client. He reads ten pages and says he hates it. Was I right? Yeah sure. Should I have said something more than a passing comment? Possibly. Does it matter? Not really, except now I am looking at it as a possible threat to my writing (my friend or family in this situation). If he didn’t like what we did and he was the one who hired the story consultant and that guy felt very strongly about what he was telling, then what is there to do? I asked to work on a new telling of the story.
So for the next four months I work on what I consider to be my best work to date. I have written about seven scripts and this one is very well ingrained in my mind about what I want to say and how I want to say it and I drew all of my material for the work from the man who is paying me, as it should be in this situation. I have to adapt it for the script, but essentially all of his stories and the way he told them to me are in there.
In less than a week I have to turn it in and have him read it. I have studied him for ten months and I have gone along with everything he wanted to do because he is so much fun to watch and study and interact with and I had a conversation with him last night about what is going to happen next.
And that is when I get the gut feeling again that he is going to be upset with what I wrote. He is essentially a narcassist and we all know them and have tendecies of our own. I fear he is going to hate whatever I do because he doesn’t understand a script form and since he didn’t write it his own mental barriers are going to knock down my project and cause him to think differently about me.
So what is my plan?
Besides hoping for the best and demanding a rewrite, there isn’t much I can do. And since I have given him my agreeable personality for the longest time I have no idea how he is going to react to the guy who is going to tell him he is a narcassist control freak and has no fucking clue what a good script is and he is never going to get his story made because he is out of control in his own mind and acts like a five year old.
Who wants to hear that? And how would you react? But that is how I feel right now and I am old enough and mature enough to know that I can’t say that. But that is what I mean by two personalities. He thinks I love the way he tells the stories and I do, but I have to do my job that he hired me for and since he doesn’t understand what he hired he is going to be upset and blame me and I am going to have to swallow it and say thnak you sir can I have another just so I can keep getting paid. It makes me sick to think about it and who am I betraying if I tell him the truth and say, “Look man, I have personally written two drafts of this story, another one is in existence, and you already fired your story consultant, when are you going to wake up and understand that you are in over your head and you have to let go of control.”
Now, I’ve been through a lot of growth and have made a lot of tough decisions about what I want to do with my life and this is one that still confuses me. I have lots of work left to do but I feel this is a tougher block for me to finish working on and since people don’t often understand what I mean when I say things like social chameleon and I’ve always avoided writing and talking about myself because I am too busy being interested in what other people are up to, I don’t know what to do anymore.
I prefer to be alone because no one relates to me the same way I always and actively try and connect with other people. I shut myself out and I hate it. But the rest of me is fine. I just stay at home every single night of the week and watch movies.
Mike
M,
You tell us to stop taking about football and that sounds like an order.
It takes balls to give orders. Do you have them?
M
I will discuss shit if I want too. Who are you an anti-American. I stand up for my freedoms and rights of the Constitution of The United States. Go tell it to someone who wants to here your communist liberal Democratic Ways.
K
U have every right to speak ur mind. This is a free country and stand up for what u believe in.
All of a sudden my pussy turned into balls.
No balls are semi solid matter they have substance……Sandra
I was born a woman true intended on being with man. But I had to say that. I don’t like it when someone calls someone done when they think it is ok to do so.
Blog On Freely
Easy big girl, just amusing to read all this nonsense, some great point come along but you M have to take it for what it is, it’s just Entertainment.
I was starting to fell I was sitting at the end of the table. Coach Yakub sometimes you just have stir things up in a provokative manner to get things going at the end of the table.
I can’t help it I want to be the center of attraction that makes for good blogging. I read everyone’s comments and think they are great.
and my point has been proven perfectly by the responses. I like football but I could care less this season. I am an American and I am a Candian. Unfortunetely, hockey has my sports heart and I don’t have any form of netwrok tv, so I don’t watch football. I was just making a point and now all you diehard footballers have made my day by making me laugh at how defensive you got with one silly little sentence.
Mike
And Sandra did her usual conclusion leap that the restof us can’t follow and it got even funnier. Why did you start talking about balls? Funny story, men’s testicles actually are more shaped like footballs than real golfballs when you think about it. Take a squeeze next time you are down there with a guy.
And she also displayed her red state stubborness and admitted finally to wanting to be the center of attention.
M
I am not that much into football either. My likable sports are baseball, and car and drag racing. Also when I hear about the TN Titans play. I will root for my home team though.
M
How about going down to some sucking on them and taking my tongue and lightly touching ur stem and suck on ur head. That is something that will make ur night.
Your in Tenessee. Would take quite an imagination. LA doesn’t have a football team. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to go to a professional league game, but it hasn’t come up.
I hate the Ducks, I hate the Kings. The best team is the Canucks, but that belief is my brother’s fault.
I love watching live baseball games but can’t stand them on tv. Never been to a drag race but I’ve seen enough motor sports to know the attraction to the energy that happens. And when they crash, OMG what an amazing spectacle or human drama, emotion, power, and raw energy.
Sandra, glad to see you caught on to my sarcasm. Sometimes its hard to notice in print.
Oh I can tell u some more. Hey should this b in Does a woman squirt. Next Blog and some more fun. After I find my computer chair.
M
A little teasing never hurt a guy.
M,
We all can certainly see that you are a writer. A confused one.
After the narrative you gave us, you boil it down to one-simple statement: “I prefer to be alone…”
WTF?
Number one: I don’t believe you… otherwise we would have been spared the novel.
Number two: On the off chance that you do prefer to be alone, then why are you waxing on about the dilemma on a Dating Blog? Not once did I see any reference to dating.
Dude, you need some therapy. You wont find it here I’m afraid.
Good luck, God-speed
Sandra, glad to see we are getting along. I started off by joining this blog to argue with you. I’m glad I did.
For anyone that makes it this far on this post, I sat and watched and read everything coming off of this site for about eight months before I started posting. I am only a week in and I feel that this community and the work David does is something that I can take part in and feel like I belong. So for all of you who surf and browse but aren’t sure if you are going to be understood or listened to here, I can vouch that David, while super busy, does make his blog posting a valuable part of what he offers.
And he offers it completely for free!! I think I understand him well enough to know that he does all of this because he cares about the people who approach his site and his products. This lets us know that he is here for us even if we can’t commit to a boot camp (I’ve heard their amazing) or if we aren’t sure if we want to dive into his seminars. If he didn’t care, there would be a whole different experience on here. And to really enjoy in this part of his coaching, is to participate.
M
You are right about that. David is one hell of a coach. I don’t live in LA but one of my daughters does with her husband. I only been there during her wedding. That is the first time I had been to LA. But we are here to let loose and let it out.
M,
You just need to learn to stand your ground and express yourself.
Instead of just expressing what you want or what you stand for only when things in your life are threatened, how about you tell people in advance what you care about or how you feel about certain things.
People are free to disagree with you at any given time in the process of interacting with you but by the sheer fact that you showed them from the beginning what you were about, there is less chances for you to be stuck in a sticky situation of not wanting to offend anyone and swallowing your pride versus telling people how it is.
To get back on the blog’s topic, the blog is really to remind everyone to share and really express what they are about.
A lot of people like to listen and only relate when someone brings an interesting or juicy topic. What is important is to really show the other person who you are, what you are about, what you want at every step of the way.
That’s the only way you avoid miscommunication, unnecessary pains… etc.
Kheim
I do agree on what u say. But sometimes there is a lack of communication between two people especially when u don’t know where the other person is coming from and I need to practice not to jump to conclusions. I need to learn communication skills. But I happen to be an outspoken person.
But, Kheim, to really show another person who you really are, what you are about, what you want, you have to be vulnerable and I just don’t think the majority of people out there are vulnerable or want to be, because they have been so burned in the past. How do you avoid being the only one in the relationship who is open and vulnerable? This has always been a challenge for me…
Being a woman if we become vulnerable and say the wrong thing in the beginning of the relationship doesn’t this cause the man to become distant and withdrawn and want to get away from us. We as women think in love and compassion men think the way they think. Just because we say we like you did ever occur to men that we also may not be thinking of a long term relationship. What do we have to do come up with an act of Congress to get guys to see this?
Elle,
By being vulnerable you are allowing yourself to let go and really enjoy the moment. I have been burned plenty a time, but the joy you get by showing who you truly are, including being vulnerable is to me the only way to go. Yes some will be scared and you will be hurt but the ones that stay with you are really the only ones worth keeping. I makes me happy letting myself be vulnerable to others, to show them I am genuine and what they see is what they get.
Elle,
You said it yourself… “I just don’t think the majority of people out there are vulnerable or want to be, because they have been so burned in the past”
Most people act the way they act because they are afraid.
Be vulnerable and open up from a place of love and self-empowerment.
When you do so, more likely than not, the other person will reciprocate and show you who they truly are because you made it comfortable for them to share themselves with you.
When you both see each other “as is”, with no pretensions, you give yourself the opportunity for a real and meaningful connection.
As far as avoiding being the only one to open up, that won’t happen if you do it the way I described.
However, if it happens, well so what?
Learn to let go of the fear so that you can truly enjoy whatever (even limited) connection you have in that moment.
You gotta be grateful for the people around you, no matter how things turn out because in the end, they contributed to your experience in life. They helped you create a memory.
Khiem, you are wise well beyond your years.
I’m actually using some of my posts to air some of my old dirty laundry because it helps to reaffirm the changes I’ve made in my life up until now. One of the biggest changes was to correct the behavior I am talking about in this thread, which does relate to the topic.
I am definately more true to myself and to what I want and desire but I still fall for these little traps once and a while. I used to do the defensive thing a lot more often but like you and David always talk about, I have done a great job of just having fun and enjoying the moments that are brought to me. I guess my example is about the one area where it still affects me, and that is my work. The client I work for is a great guy but he is very successful and dynamic in his personality and the whole point of me working for him is to show him what I think about his life and how he lives it. So, in essence it is my job to cater to what he is expecting from me.
But at the same time I know what the joy in writing his story is for me and I follow that when I write, not the expectations. If they happen to clash when we meet up very soon and I turn in the first draft, then I will know that I did all that I could and I enjoyed myself writing it and learning about this fascinating and complex person and I can take all these epxeriences and use them as inspiration for future projects. I won’t sit around wondering what I could have done to make him like the work more, that’s his problem if he can’t follow his own heart.
Thanks for all the great adivce Khiem and trust me I listen. I had to air that one because it was starting to get to the point where I was going to behave according to what I think he wants and posting that story helped me stay true to myself.
Take care,
Mike
Khiem, I agree with Mike…you are wise beyond your years, and I’m grateful for your insight. I think I already know all of this somewhere deep inside – how is it that I don’t remember to remember? Have I become so jaded? Have I just given up? Have I become enamored wih my own cynicism? I think of myself as open and approachable and insightful, but maybe I’m not at all and need some serious practice time…but thanks again; I’m going to print out your suggestions and tape it to my computer screen!
M – No, I wasn’t talking about being someone different every day…I was talking about your comment within a given situation where you said that you wanted suggestions on how to change (re-frame or re-think) the behavior in yourself where you said that when you are no longer interested in continuing a particular conversation or activity, that you present your “real” self and everything gets weird. I was just pointing out that YOU decide how to act or react. For a moment, you made it sound as if the so-called “real” you was someone way out of line with what you initially presented in that situation. All of the behaviors are part of you. It was just the thought that came to mind when I read your brief example.
But now that I’ve read your extended scenario – having to make one’s living putting the creative juices to work for whatever narcissist has the money to pay for one’s services – now that would make me crazy, so more power to you. I have enough issues with self-important management pricks and I know that they are just part of a never-ending parade. But to make my livelihood depending on such types? No, thanks. You must have a strong stomach to suck it up and listen to people who CAN’T do what you are doing but think that hiring a story consultant will make them sound better…and that consultant can’t write either or else he would have been hired to do the writing. Must be nice to have enough money to re-write your own history again and again….
But making your living with writing on a project like you describe, you DO require a different persona – that of the observer AND an “absorber.” You don’t have to like the guy to write his story or to actually enjoy his particular style of storytelling. However, it also sounds like you are letting that necessary work persona fallout bleed over into your personal life. Your career also depends, to some degree, on how well you squash a normal response to dumb-shit thoughts or commentary from your latest project and his erstwhile minions. Those things will “out” eventually and I’d wager that this may happen in your personal life – to its detriment – even though they are really related to your current assignment.
At some point on the personal side, you have to engage in your non-work life and stop being only an observer who gets irritated with having to deal with misunderstanding of his work or his point. Survival in your work situation clearly requires a more publicly ‘vanilla’ persona. Being otherwise a self-described “very strong personality” just means that you probably aren’t letting it out enough! So welcome to our world! Let us know when you are done with this gig so that we can see more of the real you!