I get this question all of the time: why don’t women like nice guys?
Here’s the thing: most guys are nice. There are a small percentage of guys that are assholes, but let’s forget about them. There are some guys who are bad boys as well, but let’s forget about them too.
Let’s assume you are a nice guy, and you think that women don’t really like nice guys.
Let me tell you something: women will go out with a nice guy any day of the week if that nice guy is the best guy they’ve had in bed. That is all it takes for a nice guy to keep a woman.
You could be the nicest guy in the world, you could be gentlemanly, you could be sweet, caring and honest, but let’s face the facts: if you don’t eat pussy well, you’re done!
There is nothing worse than a nice guy who can’t please a woman orally. There is nothing worse than a nice guy who can’t perform in bed.
So here’s the deal. If you are a nice guy, you’d better start taking some major sex classes, tantric classes, and other things. Because if you’re a nice guy and you’re a minuteman – a pumper and dumper – you’re absolutely correct: you’re gone, finished, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
But to keep a woman satisfied, you have to make sure she is sexually satisfied. Any nice guy can actually be a bad boy in the bedroom. A woman won’t be expecting you to be a tiger in bed.
I have met some women that seemed shy – so shy – and then all of a sudden, we start fooling around and the next thing I know it feels like I have a Hoover vacuum cleaner on my dick! And I’m thinking, who the hell is this? This mild-mannered girl in life can’t possibly be this kinky in the bedroom!
So if you’re a nice guy you’d better start learning how to be better in bed. You should learn everything you can about sex – every sexual technique there is. Learn tantric sex, learn how to control your orgasms, learn how to be orally talented. Learn how to do a lot of different things in bed. Learn how to please a woman.
So she meets you, figures you’re a nice guy, she’s intrigued by you and interested in you a little bit and she gives you an opportunity. Maybe she’s a little horny one night and then she decides to give you an opportunity in bed.
Do you want to blow her away, Mr. Nice Guy? Do you want to make her look at you in a whole different light?
Become an amazing lover. If you’re an amazing lover you’re going to keep her satisfied and intrigued for a long time to come. Most guys are shitty lovers.
So Mr. Nice Guy, this blog is all for you! If you don’t know if you’re a good lover, or you suspect that you’re not, you’d better start reading up on it. I expect my inbox to be flooded with emails today!
Todays video is all about how to have fun and become less uptight.
If you want to meet the opposite sex you need to watch this video.
It has a lesson and an exercise that is great for everyone.
If any of you have seen Leon on my site…he is the young black man on my home page bottom….I think he is the 5th or 6th video.
He was uptight before he did this exercise in the video. Check out how he is now.
That can be you!!
How do you define a nice guy?
lol So where can I take some of those tantric classes you speak of?
you took this is a totally unexpected and dead right direction.
A guy that is good in ned is also more confident out of bed. And confidence is sexy.
This is my favorite post yet.
David – I can’t imagine any woman disagreeing with what you say here
I think the reason why what you say is true though (apart from the obvious ones), is because women are (as you tell guys over and over again) attracted to confident and powerful men. A man who knows how to assert himself this way in the bedroom satisfies this. In fact, I think if asked that most women would prefer that a man be his “nicer” self OUTSIDE of the bedroom and this more “bad boy” version of himself at night …
I like to turn my girls naughty. Am I a nice guy… or am I a bad boy? ;P
Taras,
The Pleasure Chest sex store in West Hollywood offer various sex classes.
You can read David’s blog on here. There are a few that are dedicated to making you great in bed.
There’re plenty of sex educational videos you can buy.
You can even look for other guys who specializes in teaching stuff like that. I can think of David Shade, Daniel Rose, Alex Allman, Steve Piccus just off the top of my head.
Hmmm…and here I was thinking that we were going to discuss the nice guy vs bad boy thing. The thing is if you’re a nice guy, not a doormat, just a nice guy a lot of the rest of it will fall into place. There is something to be said for competence in the bedroom, but if I enjoy his company, I will certainly let him know if he needs to be doing something else with my body. I have in the past had a mediocre man that I’ve slept with…meaning I could take his company or walk away from it, but what I really wanted was the sex at least at the time. Those kinds of guys tend to be mediocre no matter where you are with them. I’ve come to embrace that saying…If you settle for less, you almost certainly will get it.
I Never thought of myself as a mediocre man , just a nice guy . My freind told me nice guys finsh last ; boy was he right . So this means if your always giving in a relationship that your just mediocre .? Maybe just looking out for number one is the way to go !
I think slava has the best question. we may all think we know what a “nice guy” is, but it is hard to really define it. As I used to think i was a “nice guy”, its a topic i’ve explored alot.
Check out David’s blog recently on bad boys, do a google search and find a good article, or even look at something like Urban Dictionary. But basically the distinction to be made is between those who lead and those who don’t.
Hey,
I guess I haven’t gotten to post here a while. Why does work have to get in the way of life?
Rich and Slava,
David and I made a podcast about this on a blog a few weeks ago. He and I told some ridiculous stories of things we’d done when we were “nice guys”.
A nice guy (in the negative, loser-ish sense) is someone who invests too much undeserved effort too early in a relationship. He mistakes ANY attention from a woman as good attention and is willing to bend over backwards to make her pay attention to him. At base, he believes he can’t get charm a girl outright, so he hangs around hoping she’ll “get used to him” and become his girlfriend.
A nice guy sees himself as a woman’s knight in shining armor and prides himself on being different than those “asshole guys”. He’s the guy who’s willing to go to any lengths for the girl he likes, because in his mind, she’s the perfect girl of his dreams. In reality, he’s ascribing the attributes of his dream girl to some girl who happened to pay attention to him (and she resents him for that).
A nice guy feels bad for being sexual and dominant. He thinks those are “asshole” qualities. This, along with his other lap dog behaviors makes him unattractive for a relationship. On the other hand, the girl likes having a guy who will buy her dinner, give her a ride, or help her when she asks, so she tells him “let’s just be friends.”
So how do you stop being a nice guy? Email David. He’ll tell you.
– Patrick
Patrick,
thank you for the response. I listened to that podcast.
Basically if you put too much effort in the beginning of the relationship you are unattractive.
What if I see myself as a gentleman? I open the door for her, I help with her coat, I listen to her, I make her a sexy long massage…
On the other hand when I have sex with my woman, I look in her eyes, I feel like a “bad” boy. I tell her how I want her, to turn this side, that side so that its different and fun
Does it mean I am a nice guy?
Slava,
The thing is “nice guy” was a misnomer from the start. They should have been called “weak guys”.
Being a gentleman is great, but a weak guy makes himself subservient.
Women treat weak guys as friends and never think of them sexually. If you ever feel yourself being treated that way, then you’re the wrong kind of nice guy.
You can still do all the gentlemanly things, but coming from a place of manliness and dominance. There are a thousand small details that make the difference, but they’re all driven by the same mindset.
The mindset sounds something like this:
I’m a man who will lead the woman I’m with. I’m spending time with her to decide whether she interests me enough to see her again. I’m open, honest, and genuine with my feelings and thoughts, but above all, I show my interest and affection to her after she has earned it by showing me the qualities I’m looking for in a woman. I’m perfectly comfortable walking away, because in the end I don’t need this girl. I know there will be others. I’m already happy with my life and I want to see if she makes a great addition.
– Patrick
Patrick,
I felt that way like the nice guy who always jumped in a friends zone…anyway
this is an amazing mindset!
The way you put in the words is just awesome!
I’m already happy with my life and I want to see if she makes a great addition.
Thank you man. Be great
Patrick-
Great info, thanks.
Joseph, you misunderstood me. A mediocre guy is one who seemed nice at first but turned out to be really only for himself. He’s not bad boy in the classic sense of he sits in a jail cell kind of thing…he’s just out for only himself. There is a big difference between being nice ie. is kind to others, but does not let them walk all over them. A nice guy will argue with you when he thinks you’re wrong, but doesn’t hold it against you and gets nasty with you. He holds other things against you and gets nasty in nicer ways.
So true David!!! It’s such a turn off when a guy says “oh no, I don’t do that” but then they expects you to go down on them!! Or when they just don’t know what they are doing. I was suprised at some guys I’d slept with and how bad they were in bed. The funny thing was they all had been in quite long term relationships so I thought they would’ve known what they were doing. WRONG!
I thought that was great that there are sex education classes around. I thought there would’ve only been classes around for “couples”.
Thanks Patrick for the definition of a weak guy. So on the money. Whenever I’ve met these types of guys, I have put them in the friends zone straight away too. It’s not appealing if you know you can walk all over them and they’ll still be hanging around. I guess it’s the same in the opposite situation with men and weak women.
For discussion’s sake, a nice guy is someone who doesn’t respect himself because he puts the woman ahead of him at his own detriment.
There’s nothing wrong with doing nice things for women as long as you do it from a position of power. You do it because you want to, WITHOUT expectations of returned favor.
The “nice guy” always do things for the woman in hopes that she likes him back. As Patrick described, that’s a weak man.
Personally, I haven’t been called a nice guy in a long time. I’ve noticed that women call a “nice guy” their guy friend orbitters. They feel some form of pity to him when they say that.
Personally, I would call a nice but attractive/powerful man a kind man. He’s kind to the woman that he likes. Most women who find me attractive and “nice” just calls me “sweet”. They never associate the term “nice” with me. Maybe that says something about how women use the term “nice”.
I haven’t seen it linked here yet, but by far my favorite definition of “nice guy” is from Heartless Bitches International. A lot of what they have to say is another way of saying what Khiem and Patrick have said . . . from another pov. I tend to make the distinction between “nice guy” and “good guy” a good guy is someone who is kind from a source of his own power, not because he needs validation kindness sometimes brings.
Some of are nice because we had such horrendous losses that we siply cannot be assholes to others–
If that makes sense
Niceness and sensitivity
I have lost both my parents and in the last 7 years and have very little family..I also feel time and not knowing where I am heading with my life bearing down on me…Feeling needy, scared, frightened, vulnerable, alone ? You bet I am and with good reason ! It’s why I tear off into the wilderness as much as I can !
I am about ready to move to Thailand or somewhere that heart centered, marginally attractive, sensitive guys like me can be appreciated—I am just not what the girls here are looking for—
My favorite Yahoo Group is listed above…
Dave,
I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your parents, and both in the last seven years, that is rough. Add to that feeling like you don’t know where you’re going with life, and it totally makes sense that you are feeling needy, scared, frightened, vulnerable and alone. And it would also make sense to me, that in that state you might not attract the kind of woman that would be a good match for you.
It sounds like the wilderness could be good for you, unless you go there to escape the responsibility you have to yourself of healing yourself, and being able to approach women with a sense of your own power. What have you done for yourself lately that has helped you feel like you have more direction in your life? What have you done for yourself lately that lets you know that you can trust yourself to take care of you when you are feeling needy, scared, etc?
Often when people feel needy, it is a sign that you are putting out more energy than they are getting back, and it may be time to re-route some of that giving energy to yourself. It doesn’t necessarily make you selfish to focus on your own needs. It helps you come from a place of self-fullness when you meet your own needs. So that you can come from a place of inner strength when you are being kind to others. Not because you need their validation in exchange for your kindness, or in your case, ‘niceness’.
Dave it also sounds like you are doing a lot of running away– into the wilderness, into another country . . .
>>>>…It’s why I tear off into the wilderness as much as I can !
you must be the guy then who comes back as the Caveman in the Geico Commercials:-)