There’s a woman I know who every 4th of July really thinks that if she gets the right spray tan and hits the right party, that she might finally meet the right man. This woman cruises every party. She meets some really interesting people, but even at her advanced age she just can’t seem to get it right.

Maybe it’s all the lingering issues this woman has in her head. Maybe it’s all her excuses that’s holding her back. If she could just along with others, then maybe life would be better. If this damn recession wasn’t happening, then maybe people would feel better about her.

Then there’s all the constant bickering she has with Iran, Iraq and North Korea. I mean, really, at this advanced age don’t you think she would have known that picking fights and taunting and teasing people doesn’t work? Don’t you think her mother would have taught her how to embrace her enemies?

You’d think on this day — her birthday — she’d be more reflective. I mean, 235 years old and still making the same mistakes!

235 years old and she’s still not meeting the right people at the right parties. Do you know why?

People make mistakes. So the next time you get pissed at the government, about a war, or about whatever it is about the country that upsets you, realize that it’s just people making the wrong choices and decisions. Its time we really looked deep at what is important in this country and started preserving the earth so future generations can enjoy it as well.

If today when you’re at the 4th Of July barbecue the woman you want to meet doesn’t talk to you, are you going to create a war? If that woman doesn’t talk to you, are you going to blame the recession?

If a man doesn’t approach you today even with your beautiful spray tan, the ten pounds you’ve lost and with you looking great in your bathing suit, are you going to think he’s hiding nuclear weapons? If he is, you may want to find out quickly, because who knows what kind of 4th of July orgasm he can bring.

So today when you’re watching the fireworks and searching for a great party, cut yourself some slack. Our beautiful lady is turning 235 years old today and she still screws up, and I guarantee you will too.

You will leave one barbecue to search out a bigger, better barbecue. Then the next day you’ll hear how the barbecue you left turned out to be THE barbecue of the summer. You missed that barbecue because you left to go hang out at the summit.

I guarantee that today one of your friends will become too drunk and will get annoying. You will get hounded by someone who will tell you their name no less than seven times. Someone will fart in the middle of the party and you’ll have to embrace the fumes.

Today when you’re searching for perfection, realize that the country you live in is far from perfect . . . and that is what makes it such a great place to live. So have fun today at whatever party you attend. Stop searching for the perfect 4th of July. Cut yourself some slack and relax. You’ll have a much better time!

Today we’re going to an imperfect party with imperfect cooks, and we’re going to have a great time. The truth is that this great country turning 235 years old today cannot control the way your life is; only you can control that.

So Happy Birthday America! Also, remember, don’t look for the BBQ, i.e., the “bigger, better barbecue,” because when you wake up I guarantee you’ll find out you missed the best party.

They say “love the one you’re with.” I say love the party you’re at . . . cause it’s all you’ve got!