Dear David WygantToday’s Dear David is very interesting. It’s from a guy who doesn’t have a problem approaching women, but still thinks he might be suffering from some sort of social anxiety. Surely, that’s a paradox in itself isn’t it?

Well, let’s see what this guy’s problem is, and find out whether there’s more to his “problems” around meeting women. Here’s his email… (By the way, his name is Simon G)

“Dear David,

Here’s my problem. I don’t mind walking over and talking to women. It’s not my favorite thing in the world to do but I wouldn’t say I have approach anxiety either. The thing is, I really want a woman I can settle down with but I have no interest in bars, clubs, or anything “party” related, and I don’t want to pretend to be a jerkoff to get women.

I don’t feel comfortable in crowds and standing in a noisy bar trying to make conversation makes me feel edgy beyond belief. So why can I talk to women one on one, yet when I get in a crowd of people I feel so awkward?”

David Says…

Do you know what Simon, I’m VERY confident you don’t have social/approach anxiety at all (from what you’ve said at least which is limited) the reason I say this is I doubt you’d be able to walk over and talk to women without worrying like you do (even though you’re not a fan of it)

Here’s where I think you’re going wrong…

Why do you think you have to hang around in clubs to meet women? Why do you go to these places if you don’t like them? Why spend time somewhere if you’re uncomfortable there?

So many guys have this weird mindset that you have to go to a bar or club to meet women. You can meet women ANYWHERE. If you like reading books, spend time at the library. If you like art, go visit an art gallery. Guess what the women you meet there might be interested in? That’s right. The same thing as you!

Going To Places You Hate Will Make You Feel Socially Awkward

If you meet women in clubs, you’re going to meet women who like going out to clubs. If you end up dating one of them, how long do you think it will last? She’ll want to go out every weekend to party, and you’ll want to stay home. Do what you enjoy, go to the places that make you happy, and you stand a much better chance of meeting women you get on with.

I don’t think you’re socially awkward at all. I just think you’re hanging out in places you don’t naturally enjoy. Think about your hobbies and spend more time there. This is where it’s all about authenticity. Right now you’re trying to be someone you’re not and it’s making you feel uncomfortable. Never change who you are or what you love for the sake of meeting women. It’s never worth it. Make sense?