What Is Your Penis’ Name?
By David Wygant

As all of you readers know, we’ve delved into the childlike behaviors of men many times. If you remember the blog on masturbation names, “Poking The Chicken” from yesterday or wait was it Spankin the Monkey:), you’ll realize (just as we discussed that day) that masturbation was definitely invented by a nine year-old and carried on by men well into their nineties.

Another kind of childlike behavior men exhibit is the obsession they have about naming their penis. Recently I went out with two girlfriends of mine, Shea and Kim – This blog is dedicated to you!

Over a drink I was having with them and my lifelong best friend, he brought up the conversation of sex. He revealed that when he and his girlfriend have sex, she will call his penis by name . . . and that the name of his penis is “Boner.” Now, granted, this is a guy who named his cat “Snow Penis” as a kid, so being clever is not exactly his forte.

Then the girls asked me if my penis has a name. I told them that I like to rename my penis for each relationship.

My last girlfriend and I called my penis “Sherman Horatio Berman.” I thought it sounded very sophisticated in a very Jewish kind of way. His nickname was “Sherm.”

My brother’s penis has been named “Oscar” since I can remember. I don’t remember any of my penis’ other names. I just know that right now he’s nameless.

I like to think of him as The Terminator – no matter how much pounding he takes, he always finds a way to reform into a big hard man again. So I really save the naming of my penis for each relationship I have.

I even named my balls in my last relationship. They were called “The Brothers” – twins of course. For Sherman Horatio Berman they’re friends. The Brothers hang by Sherm’s side, and keep him warm and cozy on cold nights.

So my question of the day is this: I have never been out with a woman who has named her vagina. It would have been fun if Sherman Horatio Berman would have been able to pound Mary Elizabeth Thompson every night. That’s a very regal name. The clitoris could have just been called “Lizzie.”

Once again, all of this shows that men are still as mature as nine year-olds . . . and that women just don’t bother naming their body parts. That is no fun! Think about it.

A woman can name her breasts “Jan” and “Cindy”, her vagina “Alice” and her clitoris “Carol.” So basically, every night you’d be kissing and fucking The Brady Bunch. Can you imagine a woman saying to you during sex “Oh baby . . . Jan and Cindy need some nibblin’ right now!”

So my question to all of you is: What are the names of your body parts? You already know mine. So as they say in the fourth grade (which is about the intellectual level of this blog), “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours . . . nah nah nah nah nah nah!”

Can you tell this is a friday.

Now onto another note. We had a great conference call last night and for those who missed it click here to download the call.