It’s Friday and you’re thinking, “Where do I go tonight? Should I go to a party? Should I go to the bar I normally go to on Friday nights, and just kick back and have some beers with friends? Should I maybe go to that new Irish pub on the corner? I heard it’s a lot of fun there.”

This blog has nothing to do with where you should go on Friday night. I think that no matter where you choose to go tonight, however, you just need to be sure you speak the Friday night language. It’s called “Drunklish.”

So what exactly is Drunklish? It is a combination of drunken banter and English.

In order to properly speak Drunklish, you need to have a little slur in your speech, speak a little louder than is normal and be kind of fixated on certain topics of conversation.

When you are being spoken to by someone speaking Drunklish, you almost feel like you are with your 80 year old grandmother who screams into the phone. A lot of the words are kind of slurred. You tend to swear more easily.

So tonight when you’re out sucking down a couple beers, I would suggest you stop before you start talking Drunklish. I had a really good friend who used to turn into an entirely different person when he started speaking Drunklish.

It was amazing. We would go out and have a couple drinks, and everything would be great. Then he’d suck down a few more drinks, and all of the sudden this other person would emerge speaking an entirely different language.

He would start speaking Drunklish. Then the rest of the night, I would have to basically deal with taking care of him.

When people start speaking Drunklish, they get stupid and loud and embarrassing. Instead of getting to talk to people, you have to spend the rest of your night watching what your friend is doing.

You have to make sure that they aren’t screaming at people, slurring their words and saying something stupid. It all comes with the territory when someone starts speaking Drunklish.

The biggest problem about speaking Drunklish, is that the only other people who can understand you are those who are also speaking Drunklish. If you speak Drunklish to people who are not speaking it, all they are going to do is laugh at you and say, “God, he is so wasted right now. It’s unbelievable. Why is he so loud? He sounds like my 79-year-old grandmother.”