“Dear David” time on the blog again, and this email is from a guy making the biggest online dating mistake possible. Let’s see if we can help him out shall we. Here’s what he said…
“Dear David, I don’t get why online dating isn’t working for me. I send messages to women, and most the time I get quite a few responses. I then email back with my number saying, I’d love to speak more. Give me a call, but none of them ever do. What am I doing wrong?”
OK, my friend, you need some serious help. You have this ALL wrong, and until you change the way you’re doing things online, you’re never going to get a date.
What I’m about to reveal isn’t just the worst online dating mistake guys make, but also one of the biggest mistakes men make with women altogether. Now I don’t care whether you’re shy with women, already been married twice, or you’re an alien like ET who is only dating women for the first time ; the first thing you need to learn is that women want men to make the first move.
That’s right. Most women see you as a pussy unless you can call them first, or make the first move. You turn them off instantly if you’re one of these guys. So how does this relate to online dating, and how can you avoid this major online dating mistake I’m talking about?
OK, so you’ve joined an online dating site. You email a woman. She emails you back. Great. She’s showing interest. You email her back with your telephone number, and tell her to “give you a call.” Big mistake! Are you too afraid to give her a call?
This is what it says to a woman when you send her your number. It says, “this guy is too afraid to call me. Women have probably rejected him so many times before. He must think he can get a date online he’d never normally get before.”
It goes even deeper than that too. She looks at you as a man who can’t approach women, and probably doesn’t know how to date. She thinks you’re cheap. You want HER to pick up the phone and make the first call. Now she wonders whether you’re the kind of guy who passes the check on the first date. Don’t forget, women see this kind of behavior from men all the time offline, and they don’t like it.
Men approach them at a party, stand chatting awkwardly for a few minutes and then hand them a business card, expecting them to call and arrange a date. Are you serious? This woman has actually taken the time to respond to you. She’s saying she’s interested in you in some way. Don’t put the ball back in her court. Close her. Email her back and say, “Give me your number. I’d like to call you.”
Once again, you’re taking control. You’re not just asking for her number, you’re telling her you’re going to call her. It paints you as a hero, and women want a hero not a zero. Not taking control loses you dates offline, and it loses you even more dates online. Remember, you’re not the online guy sending this woman messages. She’s probably had 50 emails from men wanting to meet her. Out of all of those guys, she chose you and maybe one or two others to respond to. If you don’t jump on the opportunity and grab her number, one of the others will.
If you leave it for her to call you, you’re giving other men who will push to make the first call the advantage. Don’t let them in. Don’t make yourself look like a big pussy. Don’t look like the guy who never follows through. Women want men of action, not men of weakness. This is a great chance for you to show you’re a man of action!