The one thing never to do to somebody you love…
No matter how angry you are…
No matter how upset you might be..
No matter how you feel, like you need to get back at them or be silenced…
The one thing NEVER to do is give them the silent treatment via text.
If you’re in an argument with somebody you love and they reach out and throw an olive branch or wave the white flag, whether you fully embrace their flag waving or their olive branching, never leave them hanging.
You might still be triggered.
You might still be upset.
But if they’re waving a white flag or they’re waving an olive branch in your face, you have to drop the anger, the ego, the battler in you, the need to be right…
And you need to respond to them, right away.
The white flag or the olive branch may not have been exactly what you wanted to hear, but here’s the thing.
At least they reached out.
At least they did something.
At least they didn’t leave you hanging anymore. They reached out.
Maybe they told you they loved you, maybe they told you they were sorry, or maybe they told you they needed more space or time for the day, everything will be fine.
Whatever it might be, never leave them hanging, at all.
To leave them hanging is to not have empathy for another person. And it’s also very passive aggressive. By not answering somebody, you’re being passive aggressive.
It’s literally like taking a stand of, “I’ll show that person.”
If you’re a mature person (which most of us aren’t all the time), you will literally say, “Thank you so much for texting me, I love you too.”
Say, I’m not ready to fully talk, but I appreciate you reaching out, so let’s talk later when I’m ready.”
That’s what a mature person will do in a relationship.
Hell, I’ve been known to be immature.
And I have certainly given the silent treatment.
I am not proud of it, but I am a human being. I make human mistakes.
And I have certainly given people the silent treatment in my life.
And it’s always backfired. It’s blown up in my face, but the reality is it’s a lesson that obviously I’ve yet to learn.
See, by the time you’re ready to talk and you’ve given the person the silent treatment, the other person is already frustrated. So when they’re frustrated, you’ve just now re-ignited them after they’ve given you their olive branch.
It’s really simple, and it takes a lot to admit it.
It takes a lot to admit that you have been passive-aggressive and ignoring them.
It’s amazing, what we do to each other. It’s amazing when things are great, how easy it is to tell each other how much we love each other.
It’s so easy for human beings to do that. When things are great and fantastic in a relationship, it’s so easy to throw the “I love yous” out there.
But the minute there’s a little bit of controversy that goes down, whether it’s on a deep level, whether it’s on a small level, it gets hard.
The “I love yous,” the admitting that you’re wrong.
The admitting that you’re being passive aggressive.
The ignoring via text, it just seems so easy to do, and that’s when the real relationship is built.
Anybody can sit back and say “I love you” when things are great.
Fuck, man, it’s a piece of cake.
But when things are tough, it takes a real man to admit that they’re wrong.
God, the silent treatment hurts more than anything. When you’re being silenced out, you know the exact amount of hours it’s been.
No matter what you’re doing to fill your day, no matter how much joy you may be having with friends or kids or even by yourself.
The clock seems to go by so slow, as each hour passes by you realize you’re being shut out. You realize the person is either being passive-aggressive or they’re just having trouble communicating right now and they don’t realize how much it hurts to be on the other side.
So, the next time you’re being passive-aggressive or silencing somebody out…
Think about what it’s doing to the other person and step up and drop the ego.
Drop the need to be right.
In true love, there is no right or wrong, there just is.
You no longer need to be right, because you’re just hurting somebody so much by trying to be right or trying to prove a point.
Or not even realizing why you’re silencing them out, that’s even worse.
Like I said, it’s okay to take time. Just tell somebody that. Tell somebody you’re taking time. Tell them you’re not ready to talk. Tell them you love them back.
Tell them you’re having a busy day and you’ll get back to them later. Do something to acknowledge them, but don’t just shut them out. Because shutting somebody out is so mean and full-on passive-aggressive.
It’s really amazing, the shit we pull on each other. A lot of it has to do with what happened in the past, with some of the other people who fucked you up.
You don’t realize it until well, until you actually re-think it and sometimes then, it’s just too late, you’ve already shut the person out one too many times.
So the next time you feel the need to shut somebody out because you’re angry or you didn’t like their response or it didn’t come the way you wanted, they didn’t answer some of the other things in the text, just realize, they’re waving a white flag.
They’re extending an olive tree branch, even the tree they’re extending.
Just take it.
It starts to repair whatever’s been going on between the two of you. There will be plenty of time once you’re able to talk to each other calmly.
There will be plenty of time to tell each other how it felt to be hurt by the other person. But right now, you’ve got to start somewhere. You have to start with a little olive branch or a white flag and you have to accept it when someone does it.