I got a great e-mail today from Danielle.

She wrote to me and she said:

I met a guy a few weeks ago and he is great.

He’s a gentleman and smart and kind.

We’ve already slept together and he asked me to sleep over at his house a few times, but recently he said he doesn’t want to rush putting a label on what we are.

What does this mean?

Am I getting played or does he really like me and just want to move slow?

Danielle — and everyone else who doesn’t trust, which is 99.9% of the people out there — stop wanting to put a label on things so quickly.

We’re a labeled society. We want a label on everything. Want to know what everything means right away, so then we can just be free and just know that we’ve got an instant boyfriend or an instant girlfriend.

It’s like instant coffee.

It’s like instant tea.

We want everything now, but the thing is, a relationship — a real relationship, one that is meant to last, one that is going to be real — is meant to be taken slow. There are no labels in life. It doesn’t mean that, if you make each other boyfriend and girlfriend, you’re actually going to last for another week or make it until Christmas.

You’re not getting played unless you feel like you’re being played, unless you’ve created a story about him and you’re not paying attention to the real him showing up.

So here’s some sound advice to all of you who need that label:

Stop worrying so much about what you mean to one another or what you are and pay attention to who you’re with.

You see, when you pay attention to who you’re with, you’ll actually get to see the real person show up, instead of worrying so much about what they say or how they act or anything else.

You’ll actually be able to see the real person unfold in front of you, instead of worrying about whether you’re going to be boyfriend and girlfriend because the second you start worrying about that,

You tend to stop paying attention to what really is going on because you stop being you.

Why don’t you stop being you and asking for things that are important to you? You do this because you’re so worried about the label, you’re so worried about being boyfriend and girlfriend, you’re so worried about everything. So my advice to all of you people who desire a label for security is: start looking at the person in front of you. Start seeing their actions, that their words meet their actions.

Is their follow-through good? Are they treating you right? Just pay attention to the small things, instead of sprinkling instant relationship all over it.

By doing this, you’ll actually be able to see the real person unfold in front of your eyes and when you do that, you’ll be able to make a decision not based on what a label is, but what really is. Think about that the next time you’re craving a label.