What a week! Three icons now gone. How can we ever forget Ed McMahon’s “Heeeere’s Johnny!” How can we ever hear “Beat It!” again the same way with Michael Jackson gone? And no one said “Hello Charlie” sexier than Farrah Fawcett…

We used to do a weekly “q & a” blog, and apparently some of you miss it because I am still receiving requests from some people to answer their questions on the blog. I got a great question in my inbox the other day which reminded me of a situation in my own life, so I decided that would be a good question to pick to bring back the q & a blog.

Also by the way, and if anyone cares, my birthday is in five days. I’ll remind you at least two more times. Why? I don’t know . . . but it will be interesting to see who remembers and who doesn’t. For those of you who can’t count, it’s now June 26th and as you hopefully know there are only thirty (and not thirty-one) days in June. So add that together and five days from now is July 1st.

So let’s get to this reader’s question…

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READER QUESTION
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David,
 
So I met this really interesting and stunning girl while waiting for the train this past Friday in the Chicago burbs.  After having an incredible conversation with her on the train for about a half hour she casually brings up the fact that she saw a Blackhawks/Red Wings hockey game with her boyfriend in Detroit.  I’m not gonna lie, I was a little disappointed that she mentioned this, because she is a pretty cool chick inside and out. 

Anyway, she hardly brings him up anymore and mentions that she’s only dated him for a year (and further tells me that I look kinda like him), so I take that as a sign she’s interested in me and I get her number as I get off the train to continue the conversation later.  The flirting and chemistry between us were really great, so I definitely would like to see this girl again.
 
So my question is: When meeting with a woman that you’re interested in that already has a boyfriend, do you treat each “date” as if she were single and let nature take its course or am I just wasting my time?  This is unchartered territory for me.
 
Muchisimas gracias Senor Wygant!
 
Brad W.

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MY ANSWER TO READER’S QUESTION
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Brad,

If you read Tuesday’s blog about expectations, you would understand by now that you shouldn’t be looking for signs. You should just be enjoying connecting with another person.

When I first met my girlfriend back in September of 2007, we had incredible chemistry. I knew it and she didn’t admit it because she was in a relationship.

I found her to be such a spectacular person. So we went out for coffee or a glass of wine a few times and just talked. From experience I know that if I’m just present and having a great time with someone, that nature will take its course (as you put it).

Four of my best relationships have been with women who at one time had a boyfriend. I didn’t put the hoodoo manipulation tactics on any of them. I just got to know them as people and, once again as you put it, let nature take its course.

I didn’t look for signs. I just got to know them. If you’re present and just get to know someone with no other expectations, you never know what is going to happen.

Some guys will become friends with a woman who has a boyfriend, but he will have an angle the entire time. They might try some manipulation tactics to get her to break up with her boyfriend, or they might spend their time selling themselves.

Here is what you need to understand. If a woman is vibing another guy while she is in a relationship, it probably means that something is missing in that relationship. You need to let her figure that out on her own, and not try to manipulate or coax her.

You are probably part of the process. If you really like her as a person, though, then just go out and enjoy her company because (as I always teach) the most powerful version of you is YOU.

So, Brad, thanks for the great question! Also, since some of you apparently miss the q & a blogs, we’ll bring them back from time to time whenever I get a really great question.