I pulled out a question from my “mail bag” to share with you today, because it’s something I know a lot of guys are interested in. How do you approach women in a coffee shop? Or more accurately, how do you approach women in a coffee shop without looking like a desperate lunatic?
So here’s the question emailed to me, followed by my response.

“Hey David. I’m working on getting better at approaching women. I work for myself as a freelancer so I spend a lot of time in Starbucks on my laptop. What’s the best way to start talking to women without annoying them, or looking like a jerk? Most of them are texting on their phones, or just look like they don’t want to talk.

A very pretty girl started talking to me the other day; although we chatted for a while she suddenly got up, said “Goodbye,” and left. I almost went to go after her and ask for her number but I lost my nerve. Would that have been wrong?”


The first thing I’m going to say to you, is never run after a girl if she’s ending a conversation and walking away from you. Some so-called gurus will tell you to keep following and talking to the woman to break her down, but honestly, don’t do it.

It’s predatory, it’s weird, and it’s just a waste of energy. If you want to meet women in a coffee shop here are a few tips. Think about how you position yourself. Now, get your mind out the gutter. We’re not talking sexual positions; but where you position yourself in the coffee shop.

When I’m in Starbucks or wherever I always sit facing the door. Here’s why…

If I’m facing the door I can see who’s coming into the shop. Let’s face it, even if we’re working and “in the zone,” as men we’re always looking out for women. If I see someone walk in that interests me, I can say something before they get into the line for coffee.

Sitting by the door also gives you the chance to catch a woman’s attention before she leaves. I’ll often glance up and see a good-looking woman heading for the door. What do I do? I say something like, “Wait a second, how can you possibly leave without us chatting? Come and sit down for a second.”

I’ll be direct. I’ll make eye contact. And I’ll use powerful vocal tones. Don’t have any fear. The worst thing that’ll happen is she’ll say no and leave. Guys, if you try this with a few women a day, one or two will stop to chat. Don’t forget you only need one!

I’ve met so many women in coffee shops. In fact, I’m going to go to one right now. Even if I’m not looking for a relationship, I love talking to people. I love connecting with women. And I love dragging people out of themselves so they start communicating with the world again.

So, show no fear, be direct, and position yourself by the door!