starting a familyIt’s funny how many people date and say what they want:

I want to get married one day. 

I want to have kids. 

I want to have a family.   

But I have read thousands of e-mails from men and women, and not one writes about what it MEANS to be a parent. How being a parent redefines you. Having kids is such a broad subject.  “I want to have children one day.”

Great, congratulations, I’m happy for you.  But nobody seems to ever think about how it’s going to effect and change the dynamic of their relationship.

Talk About What it Means to be a Parent

What are your viewpoints about parenting?  How do you plan to discipline your child? In what religion do you want your child to be raised?

You wouldn’t go into a business without researching all aspects of it. I strongly suggest all you daters out there do the research before committing to something serious. Think about the type of parent you want to be. There are all these different styles of parenting that are out there.

As you are lying with another person, you could be head over heels in love, but the two of you could have conflicting ways that you want to parent.  You may have conflicting ways that you want to do things, and that can be a major deterrent in your relationship.

This is a conversation to be head ahead of time. Often we don’t think about these conversations.

Have a Game Plan

Wanting something, and knowing exactly how you want it to play out are two different things. It’s not fair to expect your partner to agree with all of your thoughts about parenting. Of course things are going to change and things grow and things get a little different, but get an idea, read about it, what kind of parent do you want to be?

How do you want to parent, do you want to go on vacation?

Do you want to leave the kid’s at the grandparent’s house?

You might meet somebody who never wants to leave his or her children. You may lose vacations. You may lose intimacy. You need to find out what your partner is about. They may never want to work again after they have the kid. You might not have the income to do that. Those of you who have been married before, know exactly what I am talking about.

Ask a Married Person

I want to ask all the married people if they had had this discussion ahead of time, how many of you would still have picked the partner you picked?

Oh, that is a loaded question.  It’s a question I would love to hear from all of you about. We have a lot of people who have been married, been divorced, have kids, share kids. We all know what that feels like to share a kid, missing them every single day when they’re not with you. The feeling of waking up and not being able to be with your kid is rough. The games you need to play inside of your head are torturous.

I’d like to prevent this feeling. There would be fewer kids and less marriages, but more happy families. This is what the children would want.  So, let’s open up the forum today and share your stories on your “kids talk.”