breakupI’ve just been driving round with one of my great friends John. He’s one of my coaches and teaches guys all over New York. He’s an awesome guy, but he’s driving me nuts right now. Have you ever had one of your really good friends drive you absolutely crazy?

They go on this OCD circular talk about something going on in their lives, and the more they talk about it the more they reframe it. They change the outcome and meaning of whatever it is to suit their desires. The next thing you know they’ve been reframing you since July and now it’s December!

Well, that’s what I’m going through now. I’ve been a victim of reframing since July!

Being the friend I am I allow him to do it. I figure somewhere down the line something will happen to me and I’ll do it to him. I’ll look at him and say, “John, remember 2013 when you reframed me for nearly 6 months? Yell at me now!”

Anyway, I won’t reveal what John is reframing and rephrasing over and over, but it has something to do with a relationship. Here’s what I want to tell you guys today, and it was the greatest lesson my Mom ever taught me…

I was 17 years old, and my High School girlfriend Chris Mueller just broke up with me. I cried constantly, and I felt like I couldn’t eat or breathe for about two weeks. Eventually we got back together, but once again, she broke up with me. The following summer she asked me out again. Guess what? Yep, at the end of summer she broke it off again. Every time it happened, I’d say to myself, “I’m going to get her back. I’m going to get her back.”

I drove my friends nuts. I reframed it over and over again. “I’ll find a way to make her love me. I’ll make her realize I’m the one.”

My Mom was watching me suffer like a fish out of water – literally flapping around with no water and no bowl in sight. One day she said something to me I’ve remembered to this day, “There’s somebody better for you out there. Someone’s going to love you more. You need to take all the lessons you’ve learned from this relationship, and take them all into your next relationship. That way you can grow and be a better partner.”

After sniffing through some boo hoos, I realized what she said was making sense so I said, “Tell me more wise old Mom.”

She held my hand and said, “Every relationship is a lesson. Every relationship is a chance for you to grow and learn. It’s a chance for you to understand yourself even more. Take the lessons and grow from them. Embrace the lessons. Embrace the love you shared with somebody and realize there will be someone out there who loves you even more. There’ll be someone out there who’s much better for you, and you’ll be ready for them because of the lessons you’ve learned.”

That was the best lesson I ever learned. Every time a relationship ended, I was OK with it. And I learned lots along the way too. So if you’re boo hooing about a relationship and driving your friends nuts about it, read the paragraph above again until it sinks in. It’s a powerful lesson and something I’ve never forgotten!

I haven’t thanked you in a while Mom, so thank you for that wonderful lesson. It’s stuck with me for life and now it will help other men the way it helped me!