Get over himEvery day I get this email…

“Dear David, I met the one but I blew it. I was too young. For the last X amount of years, I’ve dated, I’ve married, and I’ve played around, but no man has ever come close to this ONE. I can’t stop thinking about him, because I know he’s the one!”

Well, I’m here today to give you 3 reasons this guy you’re so hung up on, is definitely NOT the one…

1. Time Distorts Your Memory – When we’re feeling lonely, frustrated, or upset, we tend to romanticize our ex. Whenever we run into an abusive relationship, or meet someone who lets us down or breaks our heart; we have a habit of moving backwards instead of forwards.

We’ll think about somebody from our past, and think to ourselves, “If only I’d have been the right age when we met. If only the time had been right. You start romanticizing about him, and forget about all the things that went wrong. When you drift back into your past like that, you only remember the things that were so good about your relationship.

It happens because you’re in a vulnerable state of mind, and those negative states trigger memories of the better times in our past. It’s just an illusion and you mustn’t allow it to seduce you.

2. You’re Not Still With Him – This guy couldn’t have been the one. If he was, you’d still be together. No matter how many times you think about it, and no matter how many ways you rephrase it, there were reasons you didn’t stay together. Sit down and actually remember the reasons you clashed, the reasons he wouldn’t change, or the ways he hurt you, because those are the reasons you broke up. You’re trying to second-guess how your future would have panned out, and it’s a waste of time. There’s no way of predicting how things would have turned out.

Things didn’t work out for you then, and the chances are they wouldn’t have worked out in the future. 

3. You’re Scared To Move Forward – You’re so afraid to move on, you convinced yourself going backwards is the best thing to do. “There are no good men out there. They’re all abusive. They all cheat. Joe from 20 years ago wouldn’t have done that to me.” You tell yourself.

You might also start to blame YOURSELF for whatever went wrong with your ex. This is another illusion you need to look out for. You’ll convince yourself you were at fault for the breakup. You wonder if he’d give you another chance now you’re older and wiser.

What you need to do is adopt the ultimate dating mindset, which is that being single gives you the freedom to choose an entirely new person. Being single gives you the chance to meet someone you’ve never experienced before, and someone who might love you more than any man ever has.

That’s the beauty of being on your own, but most of us are stuck romanticizing the ex. Most of us hate being single so much, we’ll go straight back into our past to look for the answers. Here’s what you need to remember… It takes two people to make a relationship work, and both of you screwed up in some way. Both of you weren’t right for one another in some way. I can tell you from experience, when they say things aren’t as good second time around, they’re right.

Being on your own gives you an amazing opportunity to grow and find true love. Instead of falling in love with your ex all over again, you need to fall in love with yourself. You need to remember what an amazing woman you are. You need to remember what an amazing girlfriend you’ll be for the right guy.

Only once you’ve done that, will you ever be able to break the chains of your past and move on. Your ex wasn’t the one, and no matter how many ways you spin it, he never will be.