So, last night I was walking Daphne. I decided we would go meet Sonja for dinner at her studio. Actually, it wasn’t Daphne’s idea . . . but she had no choice.

As we were walking down Pacific, I noticed this person trying to parallel park (trying being the optimum word). People parallel parking to me is always a comedy of errors.

Here’s something this person was doing (which I’ve seen people do before) which I just don’t understand. So this person is backing into the spot (right on the bumper of the car behind them), they hit the car behind them, and they never look forward to see there’s about four feet of room in front of them. Then as they continually hit the car behind them, pushing that car back, as they continue to try to parallel park.

I do have one rule of thumb when it comes to my own parallel parking. When I parallel park, I always look at the bumper of the car in front of me. If it’s all scratched up, then I find another spot. I don’t want to be the next victim of that bumper.
While we’re on the subject of driving, let’s talk about some obvious signs of interest while driving.

So, are you checking me out? C’mon now . . . Am I that hot that you’re checking me out?

Already you’ve flirted with me by honking your horn like a maniac. You’ve swerved to get away from me, but now as you’re passing me you are checking me out? What’s wrong with you?

So I got in front of you. So what? It’s because you were unapproachable to begin with, and it’s because you gave me enough room. I am not sure, though, what the purpose is of you slowing down and checking me out as you drive by me.

Why do we feel the need when someone cuts us off, to speed up and look them as we pass them? You know that they’re not looking at you, but yet we do it. I mean you’re not going to get the satisfaction you’re seeking.

Do you think that looking at them is going to change how thoughtful of a driver they are? I mean you can’t even see their eyes through their sunglasses. Highly unlikely, but yet we feel the need to do this over and over again.

So I have an idea. The next time you cut someone off and they give you a dirty look, simply flash a sign at them with “(your area code) f*^k-you” or with a smiley face and (310) fuc-kyou on it, because really you would want to f*^k them if you could . . . just in a different way.

You know what’s funny. If people slowed down when they found someone attractive, then this might actually work. So there’s something to be learned by cutting someone off.